Against All Eds: High Stakes
by Mr. Dusk
Summary: Set a few years after the events of Against All Eds. It is now senior year of high school for the majority of the cul-de-sac kids, and the future is anything but certain. With the kids slowly embracing adulthood, will they be able to come out on top with such high stakes?
1. Up the Ante

**Against All Eds: High Stakes**

 **Up the Ante**

 **Author's Note:** _H.B.B. Sam and_ _I rewrote this first two chapters, also thanks to EdnessMadness for the cover picture._

 **XxXxX**

 ** **Nazz Winters MyBook Chat****

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:34 PM:**** Eddy have you checked your e-mail lately?

 ** **Eddy McGee 5:34 PM:**** no i dunt use it anymor

 ** **Eddy McGee 5:34 PM:**** i jus use mybook

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:35 PM:**** Well you might want to. In fact everyone should.

 ** **Eddy McGee 5:35 PM:**** y

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:35 PM:**** Just read it.

 ** **Eddy McGee 5:48 PM:**** DA FUCK IS DIS

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:50 PM:**** Sorry dinner

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:50 PM:**** Calm down Eddy

 ** **Eddy McGee 5:50 PM:**** i thoght we were past all dis shit

 ** **Nazz Winters 5:51 PM:**** Relax Eddy I'm sure it'll be fine.

 **XxXxX**

 ** **James E. Clair****

 ** _ **/at/JamesClair**_**

Let's be honest, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. If you don't take advantage of others, they'll just take advantage of you. ****#CanisCanemEdit****

 ** **FunFilledFelix**** ** _ **/at/FelixFenix**_**

 ** **/at/JamesClair**** **Well said!**

 ** **LittleMissBadass**** ** _ **/at/SarahArmstrong**_**

 ** **/at/JamesClair**** **I TOTALLY agree!**

 ** **CEOCash**** ** _ **/at/ABigtimeExecutive**_**

 ** **/at/JamesClair**** **yh? wat makes u say dis?**

 ** **James E. Clair**** ** _ **/at/JamesClair**_**

 ** **/at/ABigtimeExecutive**** **I had a good teacher, remember?**

 **XxXxX**

 **Jonny Woods** added a new photo.

Just hangin' out with the Cul-De-Sac Crew!

In the picture were six young adults ranging from age seventeen to nineteen.

The tallest in the picture was tagged as Eddy Mcgee, who had a beefy arm around a shorter but chubbier young man tagged as Edward Trumbull. Next to them was the eldest of the group, Rolf Shepard, who had his hands in front of his face as if to block the lens. In front of Rolf stood the shortest of the young men tagged as Kevin Smith who seemed to be fist pumping. Jonny, the skinniest of the group, was taking the picture with one hand and had his face closest to the camera with one arm wrapped around the lone female tagged as Nazz Winters who was a bit shorter than him.

 **Eddy McGee** , **Edward Trumbull** , **Kevin Smith,** and **12 others** like this.

 **XxXxX**

 **WeTube**

The video starts with the camera recording the interior of a pick-up truck. Whoever was operating the camera announced: "Tonight on white trash theater, my sister picks a fight with the gas station clerk!"

The shot moved up and out the truck's window where it showed two young women in front of a gas station at night. The older woman with an apple shaped body was banging on the glass door. Her curly red hair was shaking back and forth with every fist that landed. The younger woman, having a pear shaped body was trying to restrain her sister. Her long blond hair was everywhere, obscuring both of their faces.

"Hey! Your shitty machine isn't given me gas!" yelled the redhead, "We see you in there! Hey!"

"Just stop Lee, he's not gonna let us in." May argued, swiftly repositioning herself in front of her sister as she tried pushing her back.

"Can it May!" Lee shoved May aside and continued to rapidly hit the glass door repeatedly, "Open this door before I tear it down!"

"I think he's calling the cops."

"He better not!" Lee yelled as she smashed her fists against the door of the gas station like a Gatling gun, "I'll tear you limb from limb if you think the police can help you now!"

"Lee let's just go, we don't want a repeat of last Friday," May begged. She now had some dirt on her face. "We'll just get gas and stuff in the morning."

"Fine! You hear that gas-man? You're getting off easy tonight!" Lee turned around stomping, only to stop when she saw Marie with a camera in her hand. May caught eye of this and gave Marie a dissapointed look, shaking her head.

"This should get a million hits in no time!" Marie screeched cheekly, cackling as her sisters scoweled.

"Marie you dumb bitch, hand over that-" After being grabbed, the recording suddenly ended.

 **Girl Vs. Gas Station**

 _ **NotYoHo**_

 **Subscribe?**

 **Published on Aug 20th, 2014**

my oldr sis got drunk last nite and tried 2 pick a fight wit a gas station attendant LOL!

 **COMMENTS**

 **BossB!tch97**

marie tak dis shit down rite now!

 **NotYoHo**

 **+BossB!tch97** make me!

 **XxXxX**

 **GROUPS – The Cul-De-Sac Crew 3 IN GAME, 3 ONLINE**

 ** **Captain Ed has changed his name to TheAmazingEd****

 ** **CEOCa$h:**** ed stop

 ** **TheAmazingEd has changed his name to LotharViking****

 ** **CEOCa$h:**** fer petes sake

 **FullThrottleKev:** stop it or ur off the team Ed.

 **LotharViking:** srry :c

 **FRIENDS - FullThrottleKev**

 **CEOCa$h:** u can do dat?

 **FullThrottleKev:** Nah but dont tell Ed that

 **GROUPS – The Cul-De-Sac Crew 3 IN GAME, 3 ONLINE**

 **FullThrottleKev** : you guys ready for senior year? Its gonna get crazy

 **CEOCa$h:** fuck yh it gon be crazy

 **CEOCa$h:** u 2 red dat email?

 **FullThrottleKev:** yah Nazz told me about it

 **LotharViking:** wat email?

 **FullThrottleKev:** Ed dont u check ur old email?

 **LotharViking:** NOPE! :D

 **FullThrottleKev:** nvm youll figure it out soon

 **CEOCa$h:** i duno if i can handle dis man

 **CEOCa$h:** its ben like 4 yers sinse

 **CEOCa$h:** u no

 **FullThrottleKev:** chill dude I got ur back

 **FullThrottleKev:** look we'll know what to do

 **FullThrottleKev:** for now we just focus on other shit

 **FullThrottleKev:** u guys ready for one last year as Cobblers?

 **LotharViking:** YEAH! ITLL BE FUN!

 **CEOCa$h:** im suprize u got 2 meet da gpa reqirement ed

 **FullThrottleKev:** I'm surprised you got taller and bigger than Ed dorky

 **CEOCa$h:** y? i gots my dads jeans and all sshoval chinn

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Sarah]**

[Plz com home Ed mom didn't meen wat she said u can com bak at any time?]

 **[Sent: August 24th, 7:38 PM]**

 **[Delete this message?]**

 **[MESSAGE DELETED]**

 **[From: Sarah]**

[Ed? U can com home now]

 **[Sent: August 24th, 7:40 PM]**

 **[Delete this message?]**

 **[MESSAGE DELETED]**

 **[From: Sarah]**

[LISTEN IDIOT I KNOW YOURE UP YOURE PLAYING GAMES ON SMOKE]

 **[Sent: August 24th, 7:45 PM]**

 **[Delete this message?]**

 **[MESSAGE DELETED]**

 **XxXxX**

 **From: MrScience**

 **To: ButterNGravy, Cashman, FlowerChild, IAMROLF, Partygirl1999, SlamJamKev, Woodboy;**

 **Subject: Important Announcement**

Hello everyone, Eddward "Double-D" here.

To begin with, I'm happy to hear that everyone is doing well academically. Especially Ed who has managed to maintain a good enough grade to participate in extracurricular activities (Thank you for tutoring him Nazz.) There is no need to worry about me, as you all know too well how I do academically.

Life in Canada has been quite relaxing all things considered. It's nice and peaceful here in the prairies of Manitoba compared to the hustle and bustle of Peach Creek, Georgia. I transferred into their education system quite smoothly with my records, and I've been treated quite well by my peers as I've made a good circle of friends. Staying with my relatives has been rather nice. While my Aunt and Uncle are more lenient taskmasters, they give me enough chores to keep me busy after schoolwork.

I am sorry if I haven't gotten in touch with some of you, I won't list names but I haven't gotten any return messages when I tried to contact a few of you but I understand. Like most of you, I am quite busy with personal affairs, in fact that's part of why I am e-mailing you. For personal reasons, I have decided to continue my education back in the United States. I plan on earning my High School diploma in the US and move on to a university soon afterwards.

To accomplish this, I am moving back home to Peach Creek.

I know that this may upset some of you, and I wouldn't blame any of you. I only ask if we can all just move on from the events that transpired before I left and finish this era of our lives on a good note. With that said, I hope to see you all soon.

From,

Eddward "Double-D" Jones

 **XxXxX**

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** sup pipsqueak?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** yo pipsqueak u dere?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** rip off any of dose anklebiters lately?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** that nazz chick ask about me?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** wat about dose whitetrash hoes?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** yo u getin' deez?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** hey pipsqueak! u pop yo cherry yet? LOL

 **CEOCa$h:** STFU!

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** sup pipsqueak?

 **CEOCa$h:** tryn to fucking play a game u asshat

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** dat any way 2 talk 2 yer bro?

 **CEOCa$h:** onlee way im talk to U

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** oooh bein a big man naw huh?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** anyway I gotta tell ya sumthin

 **CEOCa$h:** wat?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** I think ma and pa told ya but I'm comin' back home

 **CEOCa$h:** da fuck?

 **CEOCa$h:** ur comin HERE?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** yah I got fired and the bossman is kicking me off the fairgrounds

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** dad says I can work at his place fer a bit

 **CEOCa$h:** da hell did ya do?

 **CEOCa$h:** bet up mor kids?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** naw jus havin some after hours fun

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** wit a few drunk chicks

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** on the ferris wheel

 **CEOCa$h:** JEZUS CHRISTMAS

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** one of dem fell off too

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** I think shes ok but shes suing the park

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** any way I'll be back in town by dis weekend

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** you stayin out of my room?

 **CEOCa$h:** uh

 **CEOCa$h:** yh

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** eh I dont really need to use it

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** I'm bringin my whale

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** if that nazz chick is interested have her stop by

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** shes eighteen now rite?

 **CEOCa$h:** dont u fuckin touch her

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** or wat?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** it waz a joke pipsqueak

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** dont spaz out at me

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** oh hey wat happened wit that girlfriend of urs?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** did ya fuck yet?

 **CEOCa$h has signed out**

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** guess not

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** sorry bro, went a bit far there

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** see ya later!

 **XxXxX**

After nightfall, the moon was new and the sky was obscured by clouds. Only the light from homes, street lamps and the headlights of moving vehicles shined in the darkness. One of these moving cars was taking a turn into a cul-de-sac in Peach Creek and parked in the driveway of the first house on the left. Out from the rear-door of the Cadillac came a tall, lanky young man in a semi-formal attire, which clashed with his black ski hat. "Welcome home Eddward!" announced the boy's father as they gazed out at the neighborhood. His parents told him on the drive home from the airport that not much had changed since he was gone. Yet, while it seemed refreshing to be back, the young man couldn't help but having a lukewarm feel about his return.


	2. Sit-And-Go

Special thanks to Neo H.B.B. Sam who helped co-write this chapter and future ones from here on out.

 **XxXxX**

 **Sit-And-Go**

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Thank you for welcoming me back to the cul-de-sac yesterday Nazz. To be honest, it feels a bit bittersweet returning to Peach Creek after being gone for nearly five years. I'm a bit busy at the moment with unpacking and setting up my schedule for my senior year at Peach Creek High. If it wouldn't bother you, we can catch up later at my abode. I can brew some sweet maple tea I received as a going-away gift from Rikki before my departure from Canada.]

 **[Sent: August 28th, 8:38 AM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Greetings from the states Juan! My apologies that I couldn't respond to your many texts earlier, I was too caught up settling in yesterday. I'm empathic to your anxiety over the new-found distance we have, I cannot deny that I miss you as well. Still, we agreed that this was necessary in order for both of us to grow as people. Send my regards to Rikki, Terry and Phil!]

 **[Sent: August 28th, 8:41 AM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Kevin relax, I know you're not interested. I don't write those childish, erotic fantasies anymore, so there's no need to worry. Besides, I've trashed those stories years ago, never to be read again.]

 **[Sent: August 28th, 8:43 AM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Yes Ed, it's really me. We can talk lat- Good Lord, you're making a mess of my front-yard! I'll be outside in a moment, just step off mother's lilies for goodness' sake!]

 **[Sent: August 28th, 8:46 AM]**

 **XxXxX**

 **MyBook**

 **Jonny Woods** Hey y'all just sending out a reminder that Plank and I are hostin' a cookout this labor day! Meet up at my house five o' clock sharp for one last summer get-together! Be there or be bored!

 **Rolf Shepard, Kevin Smith,** and **Nazz Winters** like this.

 **Eddy McGee** "Be there or be bored" relly?

 **Jonny Woods** lets see u do better eddy

 **Marie Kanker** hey freak me and my sisters are invited too rite?

 **Jonny Woods** only if ya bring some party favors :^)

 **James Clair** Surely I'm invited as well, yes?

 **Jonny Woods** yeah whatever :^/

 **XxXxX**

 **WeTube**

"Hey losers, Marie Kanker here!" Introducing herself, Marie had the lens pointing right at her wide face; it captured her short punk midnight blue hair and multiple freckles. Her pale skin shined in the afternoon brightness of one of summer's final days. "Me and my sisters got invited this little party today, only to find that it's dull as balls! Sad that when you're living in the fucking sticks that this shit is considered lively."

The phone recording the video flipped around to show the backyard of Jonny's house. Nazz was lounging in a hammock texting, apathetic to her surroundings. Jimmy was talking to one of his friends on his cellphone while Sarah tapped her foot, annoyed at the lack of attention she was receiving. Rolf and Kevin were managing the meat that sizzled nicely on the grill, and Jonny was arguing with them while holding a package of soy burgers.

Kevin pointed a spatula at Jonny's face and exclaimed, "Nobody wants to eat your stupid veggie burgers man!"

"Rolf finds this unholy abomination to be more foul than nana's compost heap!" Rolf shouted. "How does one find such processed pseudo-food to be edible, wood boy Jonny?"

"Hey!" Jonny squealed. "Plank said he wants some vegan food, so it's obs magobs he's getting vegan food!"

Marie grew bored of seeing the men argue over food like cavemen. She turned her attention to her old flame Double-D, who sat on Jonny's porch with a neutral expression. As he was sipping some Moosehead beer, Marie approached him, giggling. "Hey Double-D, how does it feel to be back in this shithole?"

Double-D sighed. "Normally I would request that you watch your language." He took another sip of his Canadian beverage. "But I think it will be . . . interesting to say the least."

"Well, you know who to call if you really wanna make it more interesting." Marie flirted, walking away laughing as Double-D could only roll his eyes at her advance's whilst continuing to drink.

 **xxx**

The video cut to Marie sneaking around the side of Jonny's house to find her sisters, along with Ed and Eddy getting a buzz. Their eyes were red as they lied on the grassy terrain of Jonny's yard; the thick odor of weed attracted Marie as she frantically crept closer to the group.

"Come on, pass it Eddy!" Ed begged as he kicked a fence post out of frustration, nearly putting his foot through it.

Eddy took the lit rolled-up joint out from his mouth, exhaling smoke into the air. "No way Ed, go get your own!"

"Come on big guy, you can get some decent bud for thirty if you know the right guy," Lee told him as she took a hit from her join as well, chuckling.

"That better not be mine Lee!" Marie screamed as she rushed towards the smokers, freaking out as the camera shook, deteriorating the video quality.

"Calm the fuck down Marie, I wouldn't smoke the shitty Mary Jane you get!" Lee yelled, pushing her sister as the camera rustled even more. She then noticed the phone in Marie's hand with the camera on, Lee's red eyes now turning from a relaxed blush tone to a raging molten lava shade. "Get that fucking camera outta here before I-"

"What's he doing here!" May screeched.

Marie pointed her phone cam at the fence to see a large thirty-something man with bloodshot eyes wearing a plaid jacket that bore a drunken aroma and liquor stained slacks fall down into Jonny's yard. Fence posts snapped in his grand debut as the man's thud got the attention of everyone attending the cookout. He haphazardly got up, fumbling around as he hastily grabbed Eddy's joint and took a hit. This man gave the kids a wide grin, showing his jagged yellow teeth. "What's up, ya little bitches?"

"Ah shit, it's my brother!"

"Hey pipsqueak, you an' yer friends threw me a welcoming party?" Eddy's brother asked as he exhaled smoke right in his little brother's face, making Eddy cough and gag. "Ya shouldn't have!" He heartily laughed, walking past Marie and as Eddy's brother made his way into the rest of Jonny's backyard, where shrieks of terror soon followed.

The video ends there.

 **Worst Party Ever!**

 _ **NotYoHo**_

 **Subscribe?**

 **Published on Sep 1st , 2014**

the food sucked drinks sucked and this motherfucka showed up out of nowhere. worst way to end a dull ass sumer.

 **COMMENTS**

 **SolidOak:** hey i never invited him and fuck u those tofu burgers were mad dank!

 **XxXxX**

 **FRIENDS - FullThrottleKev**

 **FullThrottleKev:** eddy man wat the fuck was that

 **CEOCa$h:** ssshhhhiiiittt i dunno

 **CEOCa$h:** abit ago mah bro massaged me sayin he waz cumin her

 **CEOCa$h:** didnt thnk he wz seereous

 **FullThrottleKev:** teh fuck man hes bac here 4 good?!

 **FullThrottleKev:** did he get fired for fuckin a kid or sumthin at teh park?!

 **CEOCa$h:** hell if i no he saed soethin aboot fucking sume chic aftor hourz

 **CEOCa$h:** shit n i thoght sockhead bein here wuld be fucked up now tis

 **CEOCa$h:** t3h fuck is next?!1

 **FullThrottleKev:** yeah when i thought every1 was comin back i didnt think your bro was inclueded

 **FullThrottleKev:** shit that douche pretty much killed teh last day of sumer

 **CEOCa$h:** im juss glad he aint stayin at mah house hed probabbly skin ed alife 4 bein in his rooom

 **FullThrottleKev:** so where the fuck is that creep staying?

 **CEOCa$h:** hes gott dat whael traler so prolly the traler park

 **FullThrottleKev:** wow nevor thought id say this but poor kankers having 2 live next to that scumbag

 **FullThrottleKev:** seriously grown ass 30 soemthing man acts worse than most freshies

 **CEOCa$h:** its a 50/50 shiot of mah bro buggin tem

 **CEOCa$h:** remembeer wen day took advantage of him bein nocked out?

 **FullThrottleKev:** oh yeah lol but still

 **FullThrottleKev:** fucker trashed Jonny's fence drank all the booze n im prety sure he stol my stash and nearly kissed nazz

 **FullThrottleKev:** im surprized he didnt try gropping her 2

 **CEOCa$h:** stil glad we didnt call da cops?

 **FullThrottleKev:** well yeha if we called teh cops all of us would hove been bustted

 **FullThrottleKev:** at least i know we r all old enough to handel that sickfuck now. shit me and double-d are teh only guys shorter than him now n i still kow i can kick his ass

 **CEOCa$h:** gotta admit itt was fucking funne to see jimbo freak out agian

 **FullThrottleKev:** haha yeah fucking fluffy nearly had a heart attak around your bro. little shit thinks hes so cool now nice 2 see him scared shitless

 **CEOCa$h:** i stil dun get how that weasle manged 2 rul teh shcool last year

 **FullThrottleKev:** becauz hes a goddamn lawyers kidd with assloads of conections thats why

 **FullThrottleKev:** anyway wanna play an MvM game tonight i'll round up the crew?!1

 **CEOCa$h:** srue gotta get mah mind off that shit wit mah bro

 **FullThrottleKev:** obviuslee no havin your bro subsitute for nazz again

 **CEOCa$h:** that was embarassing as fuck

 **FullThrottleKev:** fucker just went afk to smoke and jerk over the mic witch really blew

 **FullThrottleKev:** so I wil go constructor again n hopefuly try 2 get rolf to play real detonator and not detoknight 4 once

 **FullThrottleKev:** nazz at least does her healin well butt jonny cant grabb cash 4 shit ass runner though. youve always ben a better runner why dont you take over?

 **FullThrottleKev:** rocketman doesnt suit u too much imo

 **CEOCa$h:** i only pick rocketman cause he aint weak

 **CEOCa$h:** runner goes down in like 3 hits n id ratther bee infiltrator

 **FullThrottleKev:** infiltrator is useless in MvM

 **CEOCa$h:** meh still fun 2 sneak a round tho

 **FullThrottleKev:** at least ed sumehow does OK as overweight

 **FullThrottleKev:** fuck u think it would be k to get double-d into gang garrison 2? i think he could handel constructor im getting tired of always bein that classs

 **CEOCa$h:** no bodys makin ya play as him

 **FullThrottleKev:** well sorry dork that i actualy want us to fucking win cuz we suck donkey balls

 **FullThrottleKev:** oh well fuck it lets jus play n hope we make it to the 4th round at least

 **CEOCa$h:** i dunno if sockhead even plays games he doesnit hav a smoke a count afaik

 **FullThrottleKev:** I wll try and get him to make one later

 **CEOCa$h:** GL:HF

 **FullThrottleKev:** anyway hurrry up n join teh party

 **CEOCa$h:** kk

 **FullThrottleKev is now playing Gang Garrison 2**

 **CEOCa$h is now playing Gang Garrison 2**

 **XxXxX**

 **Nazz Winters** added a new photo.

First day of senior year!

In the picture was all of the cul-de-sac kids except for Sarah and Jimmy.

Eddy and Ed were on the far left pointing finger guns at the camera. Kevin was next to them holding a football up while wearing his Peach Creek High School Letterman jacket. Nazz was in the center with an awkward smile that clearly looked fake. Jonny was on Nazz's left, holding up Plank to be in the photo as well. Lastly Double-D was on the far right, politely waving while looking a bit away from the camera.

 **Kevin Smith, Jonny Woods** and **27 others** like this.

 **Rolf Shepard** thank u gogo nazz girl for sparing rolfs soul from the camera captur contrapton yes!

 **Nazz Winters** Lol Rolf you practically volunteered to take the picture XP

 **XxXxX**

 **Sarah Armstrong MyBook Chat**

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:48 PM:** well 2day totally sucked

 **James Clair 7:48 PM:** What's wrong Sarah?

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:48 PM:** my mom complained about wat I wore again

 **James Clair 7:48 PM:** Why? T-shirts and jeans are in season right now, at least for a few more weeks until autumn settles in.

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:49 PM:** thats wat I said she complained dat I looked like a boy

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:49 PM:** I mean WTF its not 1950 I dont need to wear a skirt

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:49 PM:** I dont look like a boy do I?

 **James Clair 7:50 PM:** Of course you don't! You're a beautiful girl Sarah, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especially your mother!

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:51 PM:** thanks Jimmy :)

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:51 PM:** so how was ur day?

 **James Clair 7:52 PM:** It was good, Felix, Fritz, and I instructed some of the freshmen on the new social rules we established last year.

 **James Clair 7:52 PM:** Seven of them ended up completely humiliated by the end of the day, so that should set an example. If the freshmen aren't visual learners then I can instil other methods necessary for them to correctly conform.

 **James Clair 7:53 PM:** Are you sure you don't want to join us Sarah?

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:53 PM:** yeah sorry jimmy I got a new rep to uphold

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:53 PM:** I cant be doin any of the stuff ur doin we're not in middleschool anymore

 **James Clair 7:54 PM:** Fair enough, I can respect your decision.

 **James Clair 7:54 PM:** Now if you would excuse me Sarah, I need to talk to Felix about our plans for the week.

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:54 PM:** tell dat weirdo I said hi

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:54 PM:** no wait dont

 **James Clair 7:54 PM:** He says: "hi back ;)"

 **Sarah Armstrong 7:54 PM:** :^(


	3. Under The Gun

**Under The Gun**

 **XxXxX**

At school, there were a few posts on the student bulletin board.

" _To staff and students._

 _Welcome to a new year at Peach Creek High School. I hope you all had a great summer, but more than that, I hope you're all ready for another year at our fine school._

 _The staff would like to remind students that online cyber bullying is most definitely not allowed in our student community. Any student who is guilty of such an act may be liable for suspension, expulsion, or even legal action depending on how serious the offense is._

 _Be mindful of what you do and what you say. Remember, you represent not only yourselves, but your school and your peers._

 _Another reminder is that, due to the influx of social media and constant distractions with it, usage of cell phones and other media devices will no longer be tolerated during classes._

 _Principal Underwood and Administrative Staff_

 _Have a good year or not, it's your choice."_

" **Join the Agricultural Club today!**

 **See Rolf Shepard for details!"**

"FOUND: someone's cell phone that's password protected, it has some kinda monster movie poster for wallpaper. Pick up at the Lost 'n Found in the cafeteria."

 **XxXxX**

 **From: MrScience**

 **To: MasterJJ**

 **Subject: RE: how r da states?**

Dear Juan,

It's been about a week since I've been home. Aside from the fact that all of us aren't kids anymore, the neighborhood surely hasn't changed much since I left it. Everyone has welcomed me back in open arms. Aside from, well, Eddy.

I know, you told me to forget about him. My obsession with him was incredibly unhealthy and it lead to a lot of trouble. But I wish to mend fences, he and Ed have been dear friends of mine since our toddler years and I could never forgive myself if I were to lose him as a companion for good.

He certainly has … changed since we last met. You know I don't really use MyBook or any of those social media sites, so it was rather shocking to see how he'd changed physically. You can see him in the attached photo, and I'd wager you will exclaim "Eddward! He's totally your type!" when you see it. Again, I swear I will not pursue him as I've had. I don't want another disaster.

I decided to at least try to talk to him about it. He may not want to, but I know he must want to put it to rest as much as I do. I mean, why else would he send me that letter? The two of us need to be adults about this and bury the hatchet so we can move on.

After that, well, I'll still be here in the US to continue my education. I'm sorry Juan, but this is my home and I wish to make a life for myself here. I hope you can forgive me, I'll always treasure the time we've spent together and the memories we've made.

With love,

Eddward

P.S.

Could you please delete those pictures you took of me? I know you promised never to post them online but I still feel paranoid about it. Especially the one you took showing me without my hat.

 **XxXxX**

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Mom bitched me out AGAIN. I don't know what her fucking deal is, but this is, like, the third time in the past WEEK. This time it was because she claimed I wasn't doing my homework. For cryin' out loud, it's the FIRST WEEK of school, so there really ISN'T much homework aside from some reading assignments. Aside from that, me and Jimmy ALREADY DID IT during study hall. I tell her this, and she SCREAMS at me for talking back._

 _What the hell crawled up her butt and die? I only told her that I already had my homework finished so she wouldn't worry about it. I talked to Jimmy about this, and he says she's probably just stressed due to work. I could buy that, my mom's working at the local community college after all. She teaches Women/Gender Studies to a bunch of freaks and I have no idea how she hasn't cracked yet._

 _Early this week, she nearly had a heart attack because she could see my training bra while I was wearing pajamas on Sunday. It wasn't like I was going anywhere or was planning to go on ChattyCam, no I can't fucking relax in my own room with the window curtains while wearing loose PJs. Listen, I love my mom and all, but she has to back off on shouting bullshit at me._

 _I'd rather Ed were here so she could yell at him instead._

 _Sarah_

 **XxXxX**

" _Eddy, want to come to the Dusk Cafe with me after school?"_

" _nah not really"_

" _Why not?_

" _cause i dont feel like talkin to double dee"_

" _Who said he'd be there?"_

" _nazz i know double dee asked you to invite me somewere so we can talk and i aint got nothin to talk to him about_

 _im not stupid"_

" _Okay then. We'll still be there if you change your mind."_

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Please do be honest Marie, do you still harbor any feelings towards me?]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:34 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[tbh not really after u tried suckin ur friends dick

ill be real the only feelings I had fer u were to mess with ya nothin else]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:36 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Oh my, well … that was rather blunt Marie.]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:36 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[ur cute double-d, but now i cant help but see yu as a creep]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:38 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Isn't this a tad bit hypocritical coming from the same individual whom molested me and my companions for years?]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:38 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[did i ever grab ur balls? ur dick?]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:39 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Well, no, but...

I see your argument]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:41 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[man my stuff was preteen girl crush shit

kisses hugs maybe some handholding

yeah i was rough but holy fuck even i got limits ya fag]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:43 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Marie, I will cut you off completely if you call me that slur again.]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:43 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[sorry too harsh but still

what u did 2 eddy was beyond the shit me and my sisters would have evr done]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:44 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Fair enough.

Although I would like you to know at least that I am trying my hardest to move past that incident. My time in Canada was good for learning how to live as a bisexual individual. I was able to get the proper experience needed to handle myself now for relationships and sexual encounters. I just wish the others would realize just how much I've grown.]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:47 PM]**

 **[From: Marie]**

[yeah i can't help u there

U r on yur own for making up with eddy.]

 **[Sent: September 7th, 3:50 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

 **GROUPS – The Cul-De-Sac Crew 2 ONLINE**

 **Mr-Ed is now playing Space Funeral 4**

 **Mr-Ed:** eddy ur not hapy dubble ds heer?

 **CEOCa$h:** i dunno ed

 **CEOCa$h:** it just seems weird with him bk

 **CEOCa$h:** i meen what the fuck should i think?

 **Mr-Ed:** dat dubble d is heer!

 **CEOCa$h:** i KNOW hes here ed!

 **CEOCa$h:** but y?

 **Mr-Ed:** may b cuz he found that canadians are wired!

 **CEOCa$h:** thats not wat i meen you idiot!

 **CEOCa$h:** y now of all fucking times?

 **CEOCa$h:** we got shit to do!

 **CEOCa$h:** and im not liking the hole fucking thing with sockhat cummin heer to shake shit up!

 **Mr-Ed:** liek wat?

 **Mr-Ed:** wat do we gotta do?

 **CEOCa$h:** ed dis is our last yeer of highschool

 **CEOCa$h:** an i dunno about u but i dont need double dee heer to distract me wen im tryin to enjoy myself for 1 last yeer

 **Mr-Ed:** oh cum on eddy it will be liek old times

 **Mr-Ed:** ed edd n eddy

 **CEOCa$h:** ed dose old times SUCKED

 **CEOCa$h:** runnin arond like idiots tryin to make money

 **CEOCa$h:** riskin our LIVES for candy for fucks sake

 **CEOCa$h:** pretty much making EVERYONE hate us

 **CEOCa$h:** u wanna return to dat?

 **Mr-Ed:** Eddy, we've all grown up

 **Mr-Ed:** Can you do the same?

 **CEOCa$h:** ed did u suddenly reach a moment of clarity or did sum1 hack ur account again?

 **Mr-Ed:** idk lets go fuck up sum shit n gg2

 **CEOCa$h:** fine jus get out of that furry fest of a game first

 **Mr-Ed:** U JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!

 **XxXxX**

 **Rolf Shepard MyBook Chat**

 **Jonny Woods:** How you holdin' up Rolf? I saw u advertising some kind of club?

 **Rolf Shepard:** Rolf is well, it has been a bit taxing lately with Nana and Father's insistence that Rolf does more farmwork these days.

 **Rolf Shepard:** Mainly because Rolf is to takeover large tracks of land soon after he is wed.

 **Rolf Shepard:** In order to meet these tasks, Rolf decided to hire and train a bit of help from the students. Fast-talking Eddy provided the idea of making it into a "club" for the school.

 **Jonny Woods:** wait ur getting married? Cool! When?

 **Rolf Shepard:** Sometime in the coming year, Rolf's father has promised me to the daughter of a rival clansman in order to ease some tensions, and we are to be wed before Rolf becomes a man.

 **Jonny Woods:** Oh.

 **Jonny Woods:** what do u mean by "becomes a man"?

 **Rolf Shepard:** 20 is the year when boys become men and must take a wife. It is tradition.

 **Jonny Woods:** so ur country's drinking age is 20?

 **Rolf Shepard:** No there is no drinking age in the old country.

 **Jonny Woods:** lucky!

 **XxXxX**

The video starts with the camera recording Ed and May sitting on the couch in the Kanker's trailer.

"Today on the Animal Channel!" narrated Marie, "We observe two wild boars, one of which is in heat." the camera zoomed in on May, who didn't seem to notice her sister recording them.

Suddenly, the camera was grabbed by someone off-screen and the video went dark. "Leave 'em alone, Marie."

"Hey, give that back!"

"Marie, if May wants to spend the afternoon with her boyfriend, then let her be."

"Oh come off it Lee! I'm just having some fun!"

"Yeah, by being a bitch. The fuck's your problem anyway? You've been recording all this bullshit for months now!"

"My problem? I just want to fucking record stuff and share it online, everyone does it!"

"Does everyone record stuff that embarrasses or incriminates their fucking family?"

"Some do! You know you ain't really a saint, right?"

"You think I don't know that? I mean, I got sloshed and screamed at a random shopkeeper last month. Who the fuck does that?"

"You did, what's your point?"

"I'm worried, alright? I'm worried that this is all we're going to be. White trash who do stupid shit just to entertain people. There's already, like, three TV shows like that, you don't need to make a webshow about it, do you?"

There was a moment of silence between the two, ending with Lee groaning.

"You know what? Here, do what you want. I'm going to get a drink."

The video focused again to show Lee walking out the door, May and Ed watching her leave.

"What was that all about?" May asked.

"Are we on camera?" Ed asked, excitedly.

The video stops there.

 **Upload**

 **[[Delete]]**


	4. Implied Odds

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Implied Odds**

 **XxXxX**

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** hey jockstap

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** yo balls for brains

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** herd u and dat blond chick broke up last year

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** she avaliable?

 **FullThrottleKev:** leave me alone you douche

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** hey kiddo whats up?

 **FullThrottleKev:** nothing

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** good game?

 **FullThrottleKev:** what's it to ya?

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** wow pipsqueak wuz right about u

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** antisocial as hell

 **FullThrottleKev:** go away!

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** aight I'll jus go see what dat nazz girl is up to

 **FullThrottleKev:** Stay the fuck away from her creepo

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** why? She's legal right?

 **FullThrottleKev:** Fuck off asshole

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** sorry but I dont swing that way XD

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** try ur luck with my bro's ex

 **FullThrottleKev:** Holy fuck I will kick your ass if you keep this shit up

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** pffft

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** you're smaller than pipsqeuak now, the hell could you do to me?

 **FullThrottleKev:** How about I poke you so hard that you fall to the floor? Didn't take much to bring you down the first time.

 **FullThrottleKev:** at least Eddy could take a hit.

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** oh man pipsqueak was spot on about the tough guy act too!

 **FullThrottleKev has signed out**

 **Whalin4Hoes62:** lol rude kiddo. I'll talk to ya soon.

 **XxXxX**

 **AnomalArt**

 **B-Toast uploaded an anomaly!**

It was a bizarre painting to say the least. B-Toast's art was a mostly minimal piece with the only color coming from wild splotches of green, pink, orange, and red paint that all seem to take up their own little areas on the large canvas. A green splotch was by itself on one side of the canvas, an orange splotch was opposite of the green one, and the red and pink splotches took up a large part of the canvas that was the center. The canvas itself looked as though it was torn into with an X-Acto knife in a fit of frustration as a broken off blade appeared to be stuck into the art. Although, there were only two cuts that separated both the green and orange splotches from the center.

 **My Family**

I m a bit angry today becaus of my sister

she keeps bothering me with texts all nite complaneing about mom lik i care

it not like she gave a fuck when i waz treeted lik shit

 **XxXxX**

 **James E. Clair**

 _ **/at/JamesClair**_

Putting this out there to remind everyone following me, anyone in the Peach Creek area is welcome to any and all social events hosted by moi just as long as they are on their best behavior and not bring any illegal substance, less the local authorities arrest you because I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS DAD! Any questions?

 **SolidOak** _ **/at/FeelMyIronwood**_

 **/at/JamesClair** Yh whats the E stand for anyway?

 **James E. Clair** _ **/at/JamesClair**_

 **/at/FeelMyIronwood** Like I'll ever tell you.

 **CEOCash** _ **/at/ABigtimeExecutive**_

 **/at/FeelMyIronwood** fity bucks says its edward **#Irony**

 **James E. Clair** _ **/at/JamesClair**_

 **/at/ABigtimeExecutive** That's not what the E stands for.

 **SolidOak _/at/FeelMyIronwood_**

 **/at/ABigtimeExecutive** LMAO WTF XDDD

 **James E. Clair** _ **/at/JamesClair**_

 **/at/FeelMyIronwood** IT ISN'T EDWARD!

 **SolidOak** _ **/at/FeelMyIronwood**_

 **/at/JamesClair** its freakin perfect! Im sendin dis to everyone!

 **James E. Clair** _ **/at/JamesClair**_

 **/at/FeelMyIronwood** YOU WILL NOT!

 **SolidOak** _ **/at/FeelMyIronwood**_

 **/at/JamesClair** Already did on my account! LOL

 **James E. Clair _/at/JamesClair_**

 **/at/FeelMyIronwood** For fuck's sake...

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Greetings Nazz, how are you spending your time on this brisk autumn day?]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:17 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Hey Double-D!

Oh you know, I'm just babysitting Mrs. Ellis kids. Yeah, that's how I'm spending my Saturday night. :P]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:25 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Intriguing, I can't believe you still babysit after all these years.

Good Lord, that reminds me of the incident where you ended up babysitting Eddy.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:27 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[LOL yeah, I felt pretty bad for Eddy after he slammed his tongue in the door. I can't believe you made him think I was at his house on a date too, that was such a jerk move! Thank God his parents never found out about the party we had to, like it would have seriously killed my babysitting rep!

Speaking of Eddy, have you had any luck getting in touch with him lately dude?!]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:36 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Unfortunately no. And speaking of parties, it looks like Jimmy is throwing one, and you might want to park by the playground since all the other spaces are taken.

I've texted Eddy a few times today but he has yet to reply to any of my messages. Although to be fair, on weekends Ed and Eddy are usually assisting Eddy's father at his used car dealership.

In fact, I've noticed a lot of us are rather busy with part-time jobs just as much with school and extra-curricular activities.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:38 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Jimmy's throwing a party? Why didn't anyone tell me? Well, I'll check it out if I can.

True, when I'm not at school or cheer leading, volleyball, track, whatever, it's looking after kids.

Well usually kids, last week I watched after Mr. Berner's kid who's 15, but he has legitimate disabilities so yeah..

My mom says it doesn't get any less busy in college either which honestly scares the crap outta me!]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:50 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[I can concur to that. Even though I feel somewhat confident about how well I can handle the "real world" after graduation, I too hold some doubts in myself.

Many questions spring to mind whenever these thoughts occur. Which universities should I apply to and what should I hone my studies on? Am I still going to stay in touch with everyone or will we all go our separate ways? How will I be able to handle the sheer stress of the several surprises life throws in my face? Yet most important of all: will I be happy?

Granted I'll admit this is a lot to take in at once. That's why I'm taking baby-steps to my eventual full independence. Earlier today I submitted an application at Yeson's and I'm hoping I'll hear back shortly.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 6:53 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Wow Double-D, those are some heavy questions!

Still, that's cool dude! I think Yeson's showed up when you were away. My mom gets all her groceries there so you'll probably bump into her a bunch!

At least you won't be a bum like Kevin is (-_-;)]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:06 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Well to be fair, Kevin works at the Jawbreaker Factory over the summer break. If I can recall correctly, Kevin informed me that his father assisted him in getting a job at the plant's warehouse, loading and unloading product from the trucks.

Sure he spends the school year mostly focusing on sports, but he's certainly not lazy despite his nonchalant demeanor.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:08 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Ahhh don't even get me started about him Double-D!1 :^(

Seriously dude, let's change the topic before you have to listen to me go on and on about him again.

So real talk: What kind of career do you see me doing in the future?]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:14 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[My apologizes about that. Anyway, personally I can see you doing well in so many fields Nazz.

And I'm not saying that to flatter you, I really do picture you excelling in several areas.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:18 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Aw thanks man :))

But really, I have so many different ideas and I know I gotta pick one!

Like right now I'm thinking about working with kids since I like babysitting and taking care of them so that would be something I could do.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:23 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Anything related to child care is definitely a forte of yours.

But beware Nazz, tread carefully before turning a hobby into a career, lest it becomes a tedious job that drains all of your passion for the interest you once held.

Forgive my pessimism, but I've seen this situation occur a few times back in Canada before and it never ended well. You remember Rikki, a good friend of mine I made back in Manitoba? Anyway, her father was a pharmacist who also had a drive for metal detecting. Yet one day Rikki's father had a mid-life crisis of sorts that drove him to leave his job and try to make his earnings solely through finding whatever treasure he could stumble upon.

Needless to say, now they're on welfare and live in a trailer right next to Juan's.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:28 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[So what are you trying to tell me Double-D, don't do something I enjoy?!]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:32 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Find something you can tolerate Nazz.

For example, right now I'm currently star-gazing with a brand new telescope that was just delivered to me today. I simply adore astronomy. It's so relaxing and yet awe-inspiring to witness the surrounding universe from the comfort of my room. I've charted maps of the stars several times in my life and more often than not at the end of the day, this brings me happiness.

But what if I pursued astronomy in college? Honestly the options are rather limiting, most involve simply staying in the realm of academia or being cooped up all day inside an observatory. What would happen if I turned what brings me excitement and joy into my means of getting by paycheck to paycheck? What was once a pleasant activity would quickly become dissatisfying, dull, and worst of all, a passion gone.

That's why for the moment I'm taking up a part-time job at Yeson's. It's a basic starting job with several menial tasks, but it will give me some money to spend while at the end of the day I can still look out at the stars with glee.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:38 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Wow, just wow Double-D.

I mean dude I know you've always been a smart guy, but tbh you were always pretty naïve.

What happened in Canada to make you lose your hope like that? I'm not saying what you said was wrong, but wow, that was some depressing stuff.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:47 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[I've told you many of my escapades in Canada. Surely in all retrospect after recollecting those, you might be able to put that puzzle together.

Hopefully I'm not coming across as incredibly full of myself. Contrary to popular belief, I don't know all of the answers Nazz. Who knows, perhaps you could say, become a kindergarten teacher for instance and not grow tired of interacting with children for a majority of your adult life. All I'm saying is to be careful and remember that with high reward comes high risk.

You've always been so kind as to look after the others and I that I just want to be able to do the same.]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 7:51 PM]**

 **[From: Nazz]**

[Sorry for the late reply, had to clean up some vomit and couldn't find any paper towels. :/

I get what you're saying dude and I know you're being sweet. A little bittersweet like a chocolate bar without lots of sugar (former fat girl, I know my candy). Still, I really do appreciate what you've had to say man.

Anyway I think I see Mrs. Ellis pulling up in the driveway. I'll probably head home soon, maybe just stare at the sky all night after you went on about stars. Better still do it while it's decent outside and there's not a lot of bugs.

It's been rad talking to you. :)]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 8:27 PM]**

 **[From: Edd]**

[Alright, take care Nazz!

Andromeda will be visible in a couple of hours, be sure to check out that constellation while you still can!]

 **[Sent: September 27th, 8:28 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

The video starts with the camera recording out a window. Lee was raking leaves in front of the Kanker's trailer. Unfortunately for her, Eddy's brother had his trailer right next door, and he started yelling at the eldest Kanker sister.

"Hey girl, you legal?" Lee slammed her rake on the dirt-ridden ground, dust flying into the air. Marie was snickering as Eddy's brother spilled his liquor and continued approaching her older sister. "I'll slip ya twenty bucks to suck me off. I know you can use the money!"

"I ain't some cheap street whore, you dick!" Lee yelled back.

"Fine, fifty bucks! You can buy yourself a new tank top!"

"Go fuck a hole in the ground!"

"I'll glady fuck you on the ground if that's what you're getting at."

Lee kicked her rake at Eddy's brother, missing her intended target but knocking over the six pack he had right next to his whale trailer. "That's it, I'm gettin' mom's gun!" She stomped inside her trailer, nearly breaking the hinges off the screen door in sheer rage. "Move it Marie!" she screamed, rushing towards the couch like a bull charging at a matador. Marie couldn't jump off in time and was tossed aside as Lee lifted up the couch with one arm and grabbed a Benelli brand firearm that rested underneath the sofa with the other.

"What the hell are you doing Lee?" Marie quipped. The recording was starting to dip in quality, with the camera constantly shaking to make for some blurry footage.

"I'm going hunting, what's it look like I'm doing?" Lee pumped the shotgun, "I'm putting down a sick dog so get outta my way with that fucking camera Marie!"

Suddenly, Lee yanked the camera out of Marie's hands and chucked it out the window. The screen cracked and started to emit static upon impact outside. As the camera now lied on its side, it was picking up audio of Marie loudly complaining and Lee kicking her down door down, snapping it off the top hinge. Lee now point the barrel of the shotgun right at the lens, the screen resembling a dark, bleak tunnel now.

"This is a warning shot you fucking prick!" The recording ended within a second of that last bit of audio.


	5. The Flop

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **The Flop**

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[Rolf, we're finally getting a home game this Friday against Lemon Brook and you're missing out on practice for the second time. Where the hell are you?]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 2:45 PM]**

 **[From: Rolf]**

[Apologies Kevin, father has dragged Rolf out to the fields to prepare the October crops. Papa almost wrecked Rolf's phone when it buzzed.]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 2:49 PM]**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[That's rough man, but c'mon, without Peach Creek High's "Ferocious Four", we won't have a fucking chance!]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 2:51 PM]**

 **[From: Rolf]**

[Kevin, you have Rolf's word that Rolf will be ready for the home game. Rolf is just busy for now.]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 2:56 PM]**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[Rolf, we're going over strategies here, not just strength training! Lemon Brook's gonna pull some sneaky shit and we need to be ready for anything!]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 2:58 PM]**

 **[From: Rolf]**

[Whatever you are preparing Rolf will handle it. Rolf has to go now, Father is]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 3:05 PM]**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[You really think so?]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 3:06 PM]**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[Yo Rolf! What's goin on?]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 3:15 PM]**

 **[From: Kevin]**

[Oh shit did your dad break your phone again?]

 **[Sent: September 30th, 3:20 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

The girl's bathroom was and will forever be a hotspot for gossip, slander and all other kinds of smut to be written on the stall dividers. Writing was scribbled in glossy gel pens or the graffiti was to be engraved onto the partitions until the school board could afford to replace them again. Reading the works of Peach Creek's teenage wannabe scribes was the only thing entertaining May Kanker as she sat on the cold, plastic stall. This wasn't the boy's bathroom so there was a lack of dicks and tits drawn everywhere, but there were a few interesting comments that made up for their not-so-missed absence.

"I love your crocs," signed by the author herself, "Nobody."

"Stop the idea of society's unrealistic standards of beauty! We are all beautiful!" May had her finger follow a sloppy curved arrow that pointed from, "I bet a fat chick wrote that" in brutal red ink. She could only think of one girl that nasty to write such a savage insult.

Then there was the Vincent Van Gogh-wannabe with a drawing of a sunflower. The hairy green stem started from the bottom of the stall's door and head of the flower touched the top, the bright yellow petals barely having any room to breathe sharing their space with teenage girl talk. "Be the change you wish to be." Strangely enough there was no sarcastic comment attached to this piece of art.

"Rolf Shephard is a stud!" Tons of hearts and wishes for sexual encounters made May sigh in relief there was no comments about her boyfriend in the stalls. That would be embarrassing.

 **"MARIE KANKER IS A FUCKING BITCH!"** Several follow-up comments in agreement had May squeezing her mouth shut, snickering. She whipped out a periwinkle pen from her worn-down purse and jotted down, "Try livin with her!"

 **XxXxX**

 **Nazz Winters MyBook Chat**

 **Nazz Winters 7:12 PM:** Hi Eddy, how's it going?

 **Eddy McGee 7:15 PM:** hey nazz not much

 **Eddy McGee 7:15 PM:** just playing some gg2 wit ed n kevin

 **Eddy McGee 7:15 PM:** we need to practice teamwork for dat game tomorrow

 **Eddy McGee 7:15 PM:** wanna join?

 **Nazz Winters 7:17 PM:** Unless its MvM, I'm good.

 **Nazz Winters 7:17 PM:** Anyway, just asking a question.

 **Eddy McGee 7:17 PM:** if its about double-d then you can drop it right now

 **Nazz Winters 7:18 PM:** Relax, it's not about Eddward.

 **Nazz Winters 7:18 PM:** I'm asking you to tell your brother not to send me a dick pic again or I'm calling the cops.

 **Eddy McGee 7:18 PM:** HE DID WHAT!?

 **Eddy McGee 7:18 PM:** that fucking scumbag he could get hard time for that shit

 **Nazz Winters 7:19 PM:** Yeah, the pic from an unknown number.

 **Nazz Winters 7:19 PM:** But I could tell from the background of the pic that it had to of been your brother.

 **Eddy McGee 7:20 PM:** let me guess a bunch of weed booze porn n other weird shit?

 **Nazz Winters 7:20 PM:** That and the sign for Park N' Flush gave it away.

 **Eddy McGee 7:21 PM:** jesus bro

 **Eddy McGee 7:21 PM:** hes probably gonna just laugh it off but i will talk to him abot this

 **Nazz Winters 7:22 PM:** Thanks Eddy. :))

 **Nazz Winters 7:22 PM:** Btw, can you not tell Kevin about this? I don't want him to get involved, he'll just make it worse.

 **Eddy McGee 7:23 PM:** yeah sure these lips are sealed

 **Nazz Winters 7:25 PM:** Tbh, I'm just wondering how he got my number.

 **Eddy McGee 7:26 PM:** huh now do u menton it yah that is weird

 **Eddy McGee 7:26 PM:** no freakn way any of us gave it to him

 **Nazz Winters 7:27 PM:** Please do ask him that too. I am going to kill the guy who gave that creep my digits. :(

 **Nazz Winters 7:27 PM:** Also I have another question, not related to your brother or Double-D.

 **Eddy McGee 7:27 PM:** shoot

 **Nazz Winters 7:28 PM:** What could you see me doing for a career out of high school?

 **Eddy McGee 7:29 PM:** idk but something with kids would be good for ya

 **Nazz Winters 7:29 PM:** See I thought about that for a while until I talked to Double-D. He said that I should avoid turning a passion into a career or else it would ruin my drive. It was some pretty pessimistic stuff but I think he made a decent point.

 **Eddy McGee 7:30 PM:** look double-d is a pretty smart guy but at the end of the day he is stil one of d most navie people you will ver met

 **Eddy McGee 7:30 PM:** no matter how 'jaded' or shit canada made him at the end of the day double-d wil eat up anyones shit if it sounds 'intwolekual'

 **Nazz Winters 7:31 PM:** So do you think it would be a good idea to try and work with kids again? I was thinking of being a dentist again. I know that was what you guys said would be a good fit for me years ago in one of your scams and tbh it wasn't bad. Like it wasn't a strong passion but something I wouldn't mind doing either. I'd still see kids but adults coming in to get their teeth checked out too.

 **Eddy McGee 7:32 PM:** well u gotta remeber that we made jimmy a fucking luberjack jonny a goffer and sarah a traffik light

 **Eddy McGee 7:32 PM:** look nazz just do sumthin that brings in the big bucks n once yu ar loaded you wont have 2 worry abot work again

 **Eddy McGee 7:32 PM:** sell shit that peple always need like cars like my old man n money wont be a problem

 **Nazz Winters 7:33 PM:** Yeah I suppose doing something that makes a lot of money would be nice. But what about that old saying, "Money can't buy happiness?"

 **Eddy McGee 7:34 PM:** thats bs

 **Eddy McGee 7:34 PM:** lots of cash n you can get whatever you want that makes you happy

 **Nazz Winters 7:35 PM:** Good point. Anyway I gotta finish my college algebra homework. At least I get math, that's always right or wrong, none of that iffy stuff English has.

 **Nazz Winters 7:35 PM:** Hit me up for MvM later. ;)

 **Eddy McGee 7:35 PM:** alright i'll try to get a game going later

 **XxXxX**

The scoreboard could be seen from inside the commentator's booth during the game between the Peach Creek Cobblers and the Lemon Brook Lumpers. The score was now 24-27 with the away team in the lead.

"Ladies and gentlemen and fags who can't make up their minds!" yelled a voice from the commentator's booth, "Welcome to Loser Bowl Forty-Nine! Featuring Peach Creek's very own Fumble Five!"

"This is security! Unlock this door!" yelled a voice from outside the booth, "You're not supposed to be in there!"

"Oooh looks like I'm in trouble folks! Just like old times! And it looks like Pipsqueak's got his hands on some balls! Also, he's got the pigskin!"

"We're calling the police! This isn't funny!"

"Hey! Unless you're a smokin' fine Asian bitch, ain't no one getting in the box with this guy! Now, it seems like some of them lousy Lumpers are ganging up on my boy, but the two tall freaks got him covered!"

"You're in for it now buddy boy!" yelled the security guard, "There's a sheriff's car driving into the parking lot!"

"And that looks like my cue to leave! Hope ya'll liked my- oh shit! Touchdown! Fuck yeah, that's my boy Pipsqueak out there! Hah ha!"

 **XxXxX**

 **FRIENDS – SolidOak**

 **SolidOak:** hey double d! u finally set up ur account?

 **D-Squared:** Salutations Jonny, and yes it's finally up now. I could put up with Ed's pestering no more and finally caved in.

 **SolidOak:** lol

 **SolidOak:** hey wat games ya got now though?

 **SolidOak:** you get gg2 yet?

 **D-Squared:** Well Ed was also generous enough to gift me Gateway 2 which I've thoroughly enjoyed. I have to say it's a fairly stimulating game.

 **D-Squared:** As for Gang Garrison 2, I only have the free-to-play version at the moment. Ed wanted to gift me some sort of in-game "pass" that would upgrade my account to a "paid" status but I couldn't have Ed buy me everything for Smoke.

 **SolidOak:** right on!

 **SolidOak:** Plan jus over at Kevin's party now

 **SolidOak:** crazy game we played earlier!

 **SolidOak:** i almost thought we'd lose but woo!

 **SolidOak:** dat stuff ed did was almost like magic

 **D-Squared:** Ah yes, I heard about your victory against Lemon Brook over the radio at work. Several co-workers and customers almost started a riot to commemorate today's win.

 **D-Squared:** And as for Kevin's party, I can tell by merely looking outside. Cars, lights, music and people galore I suppose.

 **SolidOak:** oh yh! ur not over here!

 **SolidOak:** wat gives? u didn't wanna come?

 **D-Squared:** Am I invited? I was under the assumption this social gathering was for the football team and its supporters only.

 **SolidOak:** it's open invitation 4 all da kids at school!

 **SolidOak:** even Jimmy and his weirdass friends

 **SolidOak:** though i only saw dem once

 **SolidOak:** they creep the hell out of me

 **D-Squared:** Interesting, although as an introvert I find such large crowds to be rather intimidating.

 **D-Squared:** I think I'll have to pass much to your dismay. Not that I'll be able to really sleep with all of the noise and illumination.

 **SolidOak:** welp have fun with Smoke then! i'm jus using the chat app on my phone atm

 **SolidOak:** talkin to some ppl i met on multiplayer

 **D-Squared:** You can use Smoke on your phone? And here I thought I was the most technologically literate.

 **SolidOak:** welcome to 2014

 **SolidOak:** even babies are playin with apps

 **SolidOak:** cool huh?

 **D-Squared:** While I'm no luddite, I do worry about future generations' overdependaency on gadgetry. I think I can safely bet that nearly nintey percent of our class can't last a day without their phones.

 **D-Squared:** Still, I think I'll try out Doubling-Time 2.

 **D-Squared:** I heard from Ed that while a third game in the series will most likely never be released, I've heard several good things about this revolutionary FPS.

 **SolidOak:** watch out for headcrabs!

 **SolidOak:** btw speaking of Ed

 **SolidOak:** he n Eddy are taking on Kevin and Rolf in beer pong right now!

 **SolidOak:** everyones watchin!

 **SolidOak:** looks like they gettin lucky tonight!

 **SolidOak:** if ya know what i mean :P

 **D-Squared:** Oh my, well I suppose partaking in such debauchery isn't abnormal for them. I just hope they still have some common sense not to commit any action they might regret tomorrow.

 **SolidOak:** lol i think May is gonna explode at some girls tryin to get with the hero of the game! XD

 **D-Squared:** The aroma of drugs and alcohol must be really strong to block out Ed's musk.

 **D-Squared:** Although I do suppose we're all used to his odor by now.

 **SolidOak:** lol we kinda force Ed into the shower after every game and practice

 **SolidOak:** u think he stinks already? try 2 be around when he's DRIPPING with sweat!

 **D-Squared:** Gracious, you and the rest of the football team have my condolences.

 **D-Squared:** Anyway, I just finished downloaded Doubling-Time 2. I don't want to distract you from your indulgence tonight, stay smart and safe Jonny!

 **SolidOak:** wait b4 u go

 **SolidOak:** mind if i ask u something?

 **D-Squared:** Sure thing Jonny, what else is on your mind?

 **SolidOak:** well

 **SolidOak:** it's about Plank

 **SolidOak:** don't worry he can't see this

 **D-Squared:** Well don't worry Jonny, I can keep a secret from Plank. This conversation is entirely private between the two of us.

 **SolidOak:** alright thanks

 **SolidOak:** so

 **SolidOak:** um

 **SolidOak:** i haven't really told any of the others

 **SolidOak:** but uh

 **SolidOak:** Plank hasn't been speaking to me

 **SolidOak:** for like a year or so now

 **SolidOak:** i kinda lost track

 **D-Squared:** Did you two get in another spat- a year!

 **SolidOak:** it coulda been more

 **SolidOak:** it kinda started after the school told me i couldnt bring Plank to school anymore

 **SolidOak:** i kept talking to him after school

 **SolidOak:** but 1 day he just didn't speak back

 **D-Squared:** Well, this is unexpected to say the least.

 **SolidOak:** i know!

 **SolidOak:** he's usually a very talkative guy!

 **SolidOak:** now that i think of it

 **SolidOak:** he started talking to me less and less over the past three years

 **SolidOak:** and he kinda stopped last year

 **SolidOak:** i think

 **SolidOak:** sorry i just can't remember

 **SolidOak:** too much stuff happening you know?

 **D-Squared:** It's fine Jonny, I can understand this being incredibly unnerving for you.

 **SolidOak:** so do you think Plank is sick or something?

 **SolidOak:** i tried taking him to a doctor and they just told me to leave

 **D-Squared:** Perhaps you should have tried a botanist instead?

 **SolidOak:** i contacted one via gregslist

 **SolidOak:** he said he only deals with alive plants

 **SolidOak:** and he stopped replying to my e-mails

 **D-Squared:** Hm, this is rather troubling regardless of the implausibility of these circumstances.

 **D-Squared:** Look Jonny, this problem is going to require a lot of research that can't be conducted all in one night.

 **D-Squared:** How about I come out of my room and party with you and the others? Would that cheer you up?

 **SolidOak:** that'd be great! maybe u can take a look at Plank while you're here?

 **D-Squared:** I'd be glad to Jonny.

 **D-Squared:** But for now let's get groovy!

 **SolidOak:** thanx double d!

 **SolidOak:** lol groovy XD

 **SolidOak:** ur so behind the times double d! XD

 **D-Squared:** And here I like to think that I'm a progressive individual.

 **SolidOak:** but yh lets party!

 **D-Squared:** Anyway, I'll be with you in a moment, supposing I can find you in the sea of people outside.

 **SolidOak:** im with Plank, chillin on the couch

 **SolidOak:** ucan't miss us!

 **SolidOak:** see ya in a bit!

 **D-Squared:** Okay, I'm on my way.

 **D-Squared: [D-Squared is now offline]**


	6. Bump

**I'd type something like "I should be on TV Tropes" but that would be too petty.**

 **Co-Written by Neo H.B.B Sam and BarthVader**

 **Is this part of the 10% or 90% of fanfics on this site?**

 **Considering the recent influx of EEnE fics, it's the former.**

 **XxXxX**

 **Bump**

 **XxXxX**

 **Eddy McGee MyBook Chat**

 **Eddy McGee 8:14 AM:** Ed wat happened to u last night?

 **Eddy McGee 8:14 AM:** Me, Kev and Rolf have been cleaning shit up all morning

 **Eddy McGee 8:14 AM:** where u at?

 **Edward Trumbull 8:18 AM:** uh sorry eddy

 **Edward Trumbull 8:18 AM:** in bed now

 **Eddy McGee 8:20 AM:** bed?

 **Eddy McGee 8:20 AM:** u went home last nite?

 **Eddy McGee 8:21 AM:** u werent there when I got up!

 **Edward Trumbull 8:23 AM:** may took me to her trailer

 **Edward Trumbull 8:23 AM:** shes in the shower now

 **Eddy McGee 8:25 AM:** oh good

 **Eddy McGee 8:25 AM:** thought u were brought home by some OTHER girl again

 **Edward Trumbull 8:28 AM:** i know Eddy

 **Edward Trumbull 8:28 AM:** "one hoe at a time" like u said

 **Edward Trumbull 8:28 AM:** wont break the "rule of one" or else i get the car door again

 **Eddy McGee 8:30 AM:** yh that punishment the Kankers gave u was fucking brutal after they found out what u did

 **Eddy McGee 8:30 AM:** surprised you still got ur dick attached to your body

 **Eddy McGee 8:30 AM:** anyway get ur ass over here. i've ben stuck helping kev n rolf on clean up crew 4 an hour

 **Eddy McGee 8:30 AM:** sum fuckin colleg kids threw kevs couch onto my yard for petes sake!

 **Eddy McGee 8:31 AM:** dunt get me started on teh rest of da cul-de-sac n that we ned 2b at my old mans dealership by 10 or else we're dead

 **Edward Trumbull 8:32 AM:** ok eddy let me just get dressed

 **Edward Trumbull 8:32 AM:** btw may still has my free pass to compensate for it

 **Edward Trumbull 8:32 AM:** she hasnt used it yet

 **Eddy McGee 8:35 AM:** uh yh

 **Eddy McGee 8:35 AM:** prolly bcause she only wants 2 be wit u

 **Edward Trumbull 8:36 AM:** :^)

 **Edward Trumbull 8:37 AM:** welp may has work at 11

 **Edward Trumbull 8:37 AM:** said goodbye on mah way eddy!

 **Edward Trumbull 8:37 AM:** just passed ur bro he is sleeping

 **Eddy McGee 8:38 AM:** dont 4get ur pants again lumpy

 **Edward Trumbull 8:40 AM:** gon bk 2 get em!

 **Eddy McGee 8:42 AM:** n mays bra neds to get uff yor head

 **Eddy McGee 8:42 AM:** my mum nearly had a hert attak last tim u did that

 **Ed Trumbull 8:44 AM:** all is clear 4 take off!

 **Eddy McGee 8:45 AM:** gud now hurray up!

 **XxXxX**

 **Friends – SonOfAShepherd**

 **FullThrottleKev:** Hey man sorry about your phone.

 **FullThrottleKev:** Didn't think your dad would be so hardcore.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Do not worry much Kevin.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Hotshot Eddy has, how you say, hooked Rolf up with a new phone.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** No questions asked for low-low price.

 **FullThrottleKev:** Shady but alright. What kind is it?

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Eddy said it was an older model he had owned.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** He helped get all of Rolf's contacts as well.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Good reception too.

 **FullThrottleKev** : Damn that was nice of him.

 **FullThrottleKev:** Sucks that he still charged ya though how much?

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Seventy-five dollars.

 **FullThrottleKev:** THAT'S LOW-LOW?

 **FullThrottleKev:** Well I guess that might be low depending on the model but I wouldn't know.

 **FullThrottleKev:** So Rolf are you coming to practice on Tuesday or should we start without you again?

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Rolf will try to be there.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** But don't worry about starting without me.

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Mama says that Father hasn't been doing too well, so Rolf may have to help out more.

 **FullThrottleKev:** Whoa what did she mean by that?

 **SonOfAShepherd:** Not sure, but Papa is strong as ten oxen. He'll be fine.

 **XxXxX**

 **From: MrScience**

 **To: MasterJJ**

 **Subject: What should I do?**

Dear Juan,

I've adjusted fairly well into living back in Peach Creek again after being absent for so many years. My home life is quite satisfactory, with my parents happy to have me back and are proud that I'm working a part-time job on top of school. They're glad that I decided to continue my education in the states, and they're already helping me decide which college I might want to go into. I don't really have a definite answer as of yet however, there's so many academic institutions to pick from. Perhaps I might go back to Canada for college however, considering the high tuition costs of American universities.

My peers at school, aside from my childhood neighborhood friends, are quite bothersome to put it as politely as possible. You would be deplorably amazed at how ignorant people are down here. Whenever I tell someone that I'm bisexual, they look at me with gross unfamiliarity as if I'm messing with them in a perverted way. Some unscrupulous people I've came across even had the audacity to tell me that I should play for one "team" or the other. I can't even speak to most of the girls here because they all treat me like I'm a stereotypical"gay character" you see on those horrible television shows that give the most ridiculous characterizations for LGBT people. You know Juan, like the show "Choir" that we spent an entire afternoon tearing apart. These women see me as a potential commodity to go shopping with, and I won't degrade myself to that level.

I wouldn't really mind this treatment too much, but unfortunately the small minority of openly homosexual students are a pack of rather repulsive individuals. In fact, I suspect some of them are only pretending to be gay just to get attention. One of them had the gall to say that I make them "uncomfortable" while wearing a "Support LGBT" t-shirt. I seriously considered buying a plane ticket back to Manitoba after this despicable incident. It's not like I wore a bunch of huge purple dicks attached to my body while I rammed gay rights down everyone's throats. If it wasn't for my childhood friends I would feel so alone here.

By the way, how are things back in Thompson? How are Rikki, Terry, and Phil doing and why haven't they messaged me back? Also, the "sexy pix" you sent were … well I will admit, I may be missing out on great things north of the border, but I'm sticking to what we've agreed on before I left. We both know that a long distance relationship between the two of us would be terrible, what with all the expenses, trust and several other issues involved as you said.

So, I really should stop beating around the bush and tell you what I'm having trouble with: Eddy. I haven't had the best time trying to rekindle my friendship with him, much to my dismay. I've tried everything to get back in touch with Eddy, but to no avail. I've used tex messages, tried sending friend requests on MyBook and Smoke, and even asked my good friends Nazz and Ed to intervene yet this ended poorly from what both of them informed me. I believe I'm running out of options, so what do you recommend Juan?

Awaiting your answer,

Eddward

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

[hey jackass Nazz filled me in on that shit you pulled

the fuck is WRONG with you? Sending dickpics to a minor? do u want to do hard time in "we hate pedos" prison?]

 **[Received: October 5th, 12:10 AM]**

 **[Me]**

[LOL you found out about that? c'mon pipsqueak it was just a joke I aint serious about her

besides it was meant for some other ho]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 1:30 AM]**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

[yeah I guess you're never serious about anything other than fucking up my life and hurting me when you can]

 **[Received: October 5th, 1:33 AM]**

 **[Me]**

[pffft you still mad about that? You should thank me I was just toughening you up making you ready for the scary as shit world you were about to go into. I mean I almost got SHOT the other day by that crazy redheaded bitch you told me about]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 1:36 AM]**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

 **[** BULLSHIT!

You just wanted to beat me up for shits and giggles until mom and dad threw your ass out on the curb! and now you want me to THANK you for that? Thanks to YOU and YOUR ASSHOLE LESSONS I got hate from EVERYONE in the cul-de-sac for YEARS!]

 **[Received: October 5th, 7:40 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[oh so it's all MY fault that YOUR scams caused those kids to hate you? remind me when and how the fuck I forced you to do that shit.]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 7:43 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[still waiting for an answer.]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 7:50 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[dont wanna admit you ain't that good yourself huh?]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 8:00 PM]**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

[No one did.]

 **[Received: October 5th, 8:14 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[HA!]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 8:15 PM]**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

[No one also made me a better person. That was MY work. MY amends. MY development, and there was no point where literally everyone hated me as much as they hate you now.]

 **[Received: October 5th, 8:20 PM]**

 **[From: Pipsqueak]**

And you know what? I DON'T NEED TO TAKE SHIT FROM SOME JUNKIE JACKASS OF A MAN JUST BECAUSE HE'S MY BIG BROTHER.]

 **[Received: October 5th, 8:21 PM]**

 **[Pipsqueak]**

[BTW, You probably deserved getting shot at. Lee might be stressed as fuck but at least she has standards]

 **[Received: October 5th, 8:22 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[wow ur really upset arentcha?]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 8:30 PM]**

 **[Me]**

[Eddy?]

 **[Message Sent: October 5th, 10:30 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

Nazz walked up to the school's bulletin board to see if there were any clubs that had openings this month.

" **Go-Pro Goes Missing!**

Any students with information about a missing Go-Pro cam recorder from the A/V club's film editing room, please contact Mr. Cathro."

" **Wood Club!**

 **Jonny Woods here! Starting a new club that's all about wood! Any potential club members who wish to join must bring in your favorite type of timber! The more unique the better!"**

(Underneath this was a drawing of Plank surrounded by wood)

" **Homecoming Game/Dance!**

This year's homecoming game and the dance after will be held at the end of October on the 31st. As it just so happens, this year's theme will be a costume party for students and staff. Preparations begin this week, any voulenteers wishing to earn extra-credit will report to Mr. Boutilier to help with decorations.

Hope to see you all there!

-Mr. Boutilier, Art Department

 _(Disclaimer: The fact that this year's Homecoming Dance fell on Halloween is pure coincidence and the costume party was voted on by the PTA. Please do not sue the school.)"_

 **XxXxX**

 **From: MasterJJ**

 **To: MrScience**

 **Subject: RE: What should I do?**

Dear Eddward

Glad to hear you liked what you seen friend. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Also nice that youre on good terms with your folks again buddy. Are they actually sticking around the house more or are they gone for weeks still guy? Oh and congrats on the job Eddward I hope it pays!

Seriously fuck those damn hicks. Fuckin dumbass americans all a bunch of darts n tools and hosers! I warned you about how homophobic fucking americans are guy especially teh ones in that diabetic bible belt part youre somehow from. Really sorry to hear that all the bitches are cunts and all the dicks are douchebags. Cant believe the fruits are all rotten there eh? Fuck the USA guy.

Anyway well I should explain. Terry n Phil have always been assholes but now they're not our friends buddy. Those two always thought they were a step above us becaue they were "all the way gay" and not "switch hitters" like us friend. Those two fecal fuckers dropped outta school and moved to that damn Gastown Vancouver together. For sure I heard they think theyre fuckin hot shit better than everyone else just becaus they decently successful comedians now. Fart knockers dont even talk to me or rikki anymor. Fuck em both figuratively not literally. We can do better than those floppy fucks guy.

As for Rikki well u remember how things just kept getting shittier for her. First she became a pogie and now her dad finaly had the biscuit. It was some savage shit too fuckin crazy arse burning himself alive in that trailer. Rikki is a complet wrek now she can hardly functon anymore guy. Cant even get her outta bed goddamn I feel so bad for her withdrawn from life. Ive been letting Rikki crash at my place since she doesnt have anywhere else to go. Shell let you know when shes not comatose anymore hoepfully friend.

You need to stop pussyfooting and confront Eddy yourself Eddward. Its pretty weak having Ed and Nazz talk to him for ya buddy. I know you can stand up for yourself Eddward. Youre a real fuckin kinky ass guy you know that right guy? If you can "liberate" me in ways no one else has ever done im sure you can find it in yourself ot seek Eddy out. I know hes not into guys like us and was fraked out bad after you sucked him off in his sleep (loved it when you did that to me). Still youve known him for years and he must care about you still if he sent that letter you showed me. Start off casual or something idk friend.

Takitish, always free to talk (especially sexy)

Juan

P.S. I know we agreed to not go long distance friend since that always gets fucked but still willin to send sexy pics back n forth on a casual basis buddy eh.

 **XxXxX**

On Friday, Sarah and Jimmy shared a history class where they had to watch a film on the civilization of Egypt. During which, Sarah took out some notebook paper, wrote on it, and passed it to Jimmy.

" _Jimmy would you mind if I stayed over at your house this weekend? My mom's pissing me off again and I'd rather be away from her when I'm off school."_

" _Um this weekend? As in tonight through Monday?"_

" _What other fucking weekend is there? Just tell your parents that we need to work on a project or something, and I can stay in the guest room."_

" _Sorry Sarah, but I already have someone staying over this weekend. Maybe some other time?"_

" _WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? Who the fuck are you having over this weekend?"_

" _Um it's Felix."_

" _THAT CREEPO? Tell him to take a hike! I fucking need to get away from my house!"_

" _Please Sarah, can't you at least wait until Saturday night? Felix would be gone by then and my parents would be back, I'm sure they'd like to see you."_

" _Wait, your parents aren't home? Where are they?"_

" _They're gonna be out of town for the night. They're seeing old friends they met in England."_

" _Then why the fuck can't I just stay the night? Wait, why the FUCK is Felix able to stay the night and not me?"_

Sarah didn't get the notebook paper back.


	7. Bad Beat

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Bad Beat**

 **XxXxX**

On the security feed at Big Jim's Bar and Grill, the camera recorded the date as 10/15/14 and the time being 6:37 PM.

A camera above the bar showed Eddy's brother haphazardly cramming fries into a greasy double bacon cheeseburger and pouring liquor all over it. The other patrons at the diner tried their best to ignore the drunken customer, but they could not drown out Bro's shouting at a TV screen showing a college basketball game. "That's a fucking penalty?" the thirty-something man slurred as bits of fries flew out of his mouth. Bro put his arm around an older man who gave a startled glare at being touched. "They'll make anything a fucking penalty these games, am I right or am I right?"

The older man threw the alcoholic's arm off and coldly stated, "Shut your fucking mouth or I'm going to knock your fucking lights out."

Bro let out a hardy chuckle, nearly choking on his chewed up food. "You're hilarious," he wheezed, hacking up his food. He then noticed May Kanker working as a waitress tonight as she walked right past him, causing his eyes to widen as a devilish smirk grew on his face. "Hey girl!" Bro yelled, flicking a fry into May's long, blond hair.

May took in a deep breath as she decided to ignore him and attend to a less rowdy and intoxicated customer.

"Hey baby!" Bro shouted, this time even louder. Half of the other customers let out a collective groan, their dining experience ruined this evening by yours' truly. "Hey chika, over here!" Nearly deafened from this belligerent boom, the older man who had the misfortune of sitting right next to Bro slammed thirty dollars on the bar and stomped out, unable to tolerate Bro's antics anymore.

"What?" May yelled as she marched over to Bro, folding her arms and giving him a death glare. "This better be good."

Bro whipped out a bottle of cheap cologne and doused himself heavily in it. "You free after work tonight?"

May took another deep breath to regain her composure as she rolled her eyes. "My boyfriend's already coming to see me, so stuff it."

Bro unleashed a hysterical laugh, slapping his knees and throwing his cologne at the wall, tiny shards of glass flying everywhere."Why don't you forget your boyfriend and come hang with a real man?"

"For fuck's sake, where's a manager when ya need one?"

Just then, the side door of the bar opened up and in walked a trio of teenagers. Ed was carrying a paper bag with Kevin at his side, and Jonny following behind. "Hey May!" Ed exclaimed, causing the restaurant's patrons to turn their attention to him and his friends. "I brought the sourdough donuts and chili sauce like you asked!"

Eddy's brother fumbled off his bar stool, pulling himself up by climbing up a booth. "Oh fuck me!" he yelled, grabbing another man's drink and taking a gulp out of it, much to the man's frustration. "It's the brick shithouse, I'm out!" He clumsily slid across some tables, knocking over several meals and breaking many glass cups and plates. Bro then charged his way through Big Jim's Bar and Grill, shoving a woman to the ground before bolting out of the diner.

"Dine and dasher!" May screamed just incase anyone who was blind and deaf happened to be eating at the bar tonight.

The aforementioned brick shithouse handed the bag of goodies over to his fellow teammate and chased after the deadbeat. Outside, the security camera showed Bro tripping onto the concrete, scrapping himself as he grasped a pick-up to pull himself up, snapping the left side mirror off in the process. Seeing Ed in pursuit of him, Bro began to haul ass as he flailed away into the highway. Incoming traffic nearly hit him on multiple occasions, and at least one vehicle collided with another when breaking. Ed stopped by the entrance to the parking lot to gaze at Bro, who was now on the other side of the highway and gunning it in a field. After a few minutes passed, the security feed recorded the date as 10/15/14 and the time being 6:43 PM, and Ed walked back into Big Jim's Bar and Grill with Bro out of sight from the camera, becoming but a speck in the distance.

 **XxXxX**

 **I3Chickens!:** wat happen at scool eddy?

 **CEOCa$h:** ed i dont wanna talk about it

 **I3Chickens!:** y

 **CEOCa$h:** bcuz i all redy made an ass of myself 2day tellin sockhead he shoulda stayed in Canada

 **CEOCa$h:** why the fuck wont he leave me alone?

 **I3Chickens!:** he misses u eddy

 **CEOCa$h:** thats his problem

 **CEOCa$h:** shit look ed i missed double d too

 **CEOCa$h:** im actually glad hes back

 **CEOCa$h:** but i dont really wanna talk 2 him

 **CEOCa$h:** like i see him and i jus get mad bcuz of how fucked up shits been

 **I3Chickens!:** how eddy?

 **CEOCa$h:** well the goddamn shrink didnt help

 **CEOCa$h:** half the time they were blaming me for what happened

 **CEOCa$h:** fuck 'em

 **CEOCa$h:** besides that i havent been as sucessful with the ladies like you, kev, and rolfy boy

 **CEOCa$h:** bcuz of wat happened

 **I3Chickens!:** oh?

 **CEOCa$h:** well yh

 **CEOCa$h:** u got may in ur stable

 **CEOCa$h:** kev n nazz were something for a little while and we all know they boned

 **CEOCa$h:** rolf

 **CEOCa$h:** well u know how the girls get around him

 **CEOCa$h:** aside from jonny and the twerps and maybe double d

 **CEOCa$h:** im the only one who hasnt popped his cherry

 **I3Chickens!:** relly eddy?

 **CEOCa$h:** for fucks sake

 **CEOCa$h:** YES REALLY

 **CEOCa$h:** and its all because of double d!

 **CEOCa$h:** okay well maybe not all of it

 **I3Chickens!:** edy do u think u 2 can b friends agan?

 **CEOCa$h:** wait i gettin a txt

 **CEOCa$h:** ed y the fuk r u sending me a txt wen we

 **CEOCa$h:** FUCK HACKER!

 **I3Chickens!:** Eddy, wait!

 **CEOCa$h:** git off Eds account you fucking hack Jimmy!

 **CEOCa$h:** im reportin ur ass!

 **CEOCa$h has signed out**

 **I3Chickens!:** I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you again.

 **XxXxX**

 **Nazz Winter's MyBook Chat**

 **Nazz Winters 8:03 PM:** Hey Rolf are you there?

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:05 PM:** ah greetens go go nazz girl

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:05 PM:** what brings you to speak with rolf on this device that you and comrade kevin made rolf get?

 **Nazz Winters 8:07 PM:** Well for one how did that meeting go with your coach and the other captains today?

 **Nazz Winters 8:07 PM:** I asked Ed and Eddy but didn't get a response from them.

 **Nazz Winters 8:07 PM:** Kevin well, you know why I'm not asking him, too awkward. :^/

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:08 PM:** ah the negoation process was like that of attending a potato slicers union dispute

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:08 PM:** very cuthroat and with strong presuading needed yes

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:09 PM:** but to as they say cut to the chase yes rolf shall remain on the team till the seasons end

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:09 PM:** all of rolfs fellow team captains and the coach were understanding of rolfs predickament so every tuesday rolf is permited to assit on papas farm

 **Nazz Winters 8:11 PM:** Sweet dude I'm really glad to hear that you didn't get kicked off the team. Wouldn't be the same cheering on for the Cobbler's if you weren't playing.

 **Nazz Winters 8:11 PM:** Also dude I have something else to ask you about.

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:12 PM:** beatrice is not for sale she is stil produing many fine calfs n milk for rolf and his family yes!11!11!

 **Nazz Winters 8:13 PM:** Uh not what I was gonna ask dude..

 **Nazz Winters 8:13 PM:** Rolf, what kind of career do you picture me having after high school?

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:15 PM:** rolf says in the old country the women work just as hard as the men if not more as they also need to bear children yes

 **Nazz Winters: 8:15 PM:** Wow really? What do they do?

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:15 PM:** the typical work of the maiden

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:15 PM:** working in the fields, guttin the goats, baking the flatbread, acting as arbitrators and the esteemed role of the midwife are all crucial in the old country yes!

 **Nazz Winters 8:16 PM:** I uh ... don't think I'm cut out for that kind of work.

 **Nazz Winters 8:16 PM:** I don't even know what an "arbitrator" is.

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:17 PM:** rolf ould explain but that is to much words rolf must mash out on the acursed keyboard

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:17 PM:** as the tech savvy people of your country say: yaggle it

 **Nazz Winters 8:18 PM:** I'll do that later man.

 **Nazz Winters 8:18 PM:** I just wanted some suggestions. I asked Double-D and he told me to make sure I don't pursue my passions or whatever, and Eddy just said to get rich.

 **Nazz Winters 8:18 PM:** There's just not that much time until all of us graduate and have to figure out what we have to do with the rest of our lives.

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:19 PM:** take a dip in the cabbage juice there is no need to be so woried high spirited nazz girl

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:19 PM:** have you tried askin yuer elders?!

 **Nazz Winters 8:20 PM:** Lol good one, not! I've asked my mom a bunch of times and she's no help at all! She's just as clueless as me right now :^/

 **Nazz Winters 8:22 PM:** God, times like this make me wish my dad was in my life. Maybe he would know what to say if he didn't run off when I was three..

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:24 PM:** rolf cannot imagine life without papa

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:24 PM:** or rolfs mama as well

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:24 PM:** it frustrates rolfs best man kevin about the abscene of his mother figure as does the missing man of yuer house yes

 **Nazz Winters 8:25 PM:** Oh God do not get me started on Kevin and his dumb issues!1

 **Nazz Winters 8:26 PM:** "It's just been me and me dad all my life!"

 **Nazz Winters 8:26 PM:** "My dad's marrying his gf in a few months and I don't think I can handle having a step-mom because I'm a selfish loser!"

 **Nazz Winters 8:27 PM:** "Fuck dude it's just so harsh and not radical that I'm such an insecure piece of shit!"

 **Nazz Winters 8:27 PM:** That is exactly how Kevin sounds!11! :^(

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:28 PM:** and rolf is supposed to assum that bitter nazz girls problems are not all that disimilar from the isues rolfs best friend faces?

 **Nazz Winters 8:29 PM:** Fuck you Rolf you're not helping me here!1

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:30 PM:** HOW MANY TIMES MUST ROLF SMASH INTO BRAINLESS VALLEY NAZZ GIRLS HOLLOW HEAD THAT ROLF IS TO NOT BE "MIDDLE MAN" OF YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIP!?

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:30 PM:** FIRST ROLF IS IGORED WHEN YOU TWO BEGIN MATING MORE THAN SHIP RATS AND NOW ROLF IS PULLED BACK AND FORTH LIKE A WINDUP TOY THAT BRATTY CHILDREN NEEDLESSLY FIGHT OVER!

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:30 PM:** NOW HEED ROLF NO MORE WOMAN!1! I AM TO SHARE SOME OF ROLFS ALE THAT YU NOR KEVIN CAN HAVE WITH SIMPLETON ED BOY!1 ROLF HAS A FEELIN IN THE GUT THAT OAFISH ED BOY CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH ROLF RIGHT NOW!

 **Rolf Shepherd 8:31 PM:** GOOD DAY!1!

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[hey jimy i think i fund sumthin that totes belongs 2 u!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:21 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[What on earth do you possess that belongs to me Jonny?]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:22 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[ok its not 4 u really it sayz felix, fenix or whatever 1 of ur weird as hell firends yo hang with these days!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:24 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[If you stole my or their property I can easily have you sent to county jail for awhile Jonathan.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:25 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[as plank alwayz used 2 say a pix is worth a lot uf words!]

Outside on Jonny's red and brown crunchy autumn backyard was a phallic object that was both long in length and great in girth. The material was a soft, yet firm jelly-like silver-purple plastic that had its design name, "Model: Gryphon" and its owner's name, "Felix" inscribed onto the side. A dried sticky substance seemed to cover the tip of the insertion device as if it had been used relatively recently withing the past few days. Plank leaned against a tree in the background, and his normal blank expression captured a perfect reaction anyone would have on their first time seeing this pleasure toy. The wooden fence in Jonny's backyard was also had boards snapped into bits, as if a couple of brutes smashed their way through it in the middle of the night.

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:27 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[I'll ask this only once Jonathan: How did you get your filthy hands on that?]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:30 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[just fond it lying outside when i was abot 2 rake sum leaves. I think ed n rolf musta got it when they were flumbling around everywere last nigth drunk as a couple of stunks!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:32 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[Well that explains the mess of buttered toast and gravy I heard my parents get in an uproar over this morning. I can't believe those two burglarized my house while I was asleep!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:34 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[dunt feel 2 special jimmy me n plank fund a bunch of sausage everywhere in my bathroom this morning! I almost barfed seein all that gros meat!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:35 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[I know I wasn't singled out as a particular target last night. Sarah informed me earlier about just how badly her abode was trashed, and I've heard our neighbors scream this morning as well.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:36 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[eddy told me that he aint got a clue were those allcoholics ran of 2 when I asked him a bit ago!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:37 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[Most likely they're lying low to hide from the authorities, although I doubt any charges will be pressed against either of them. All of our parents are used to Ed's normal sleep walking and whatever damage him and Rolf did was minimal at best. Strange though how such an act that would get us to form a mob with pitchforks as children will be glossed over so casually. My father said even if one of us were to prosecute them at most they would probably just receive some community service.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:40 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[lol yeah... so want ur... thing back?]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:42 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[But of course, I'll be over to pick it up soon.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:42 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[nah its cool ill just giv it 2 ya at skool tomoro]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:43 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[No, I'm going to get it today without raising any alarm.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:43 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[y u embarrased XP]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:44 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[Okay, I see how this is going to potentially play out and to prevent a similar incident like the time you gave Eddy my novice "Book of Scams", I'll ask this: How much do you want?]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:45 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[$200 wit $50 extra if u dunt want the beans spiled!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:45 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[Alright you dog, I'll have to make a withdrawal at an ATM later today. There goes half of my savings.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:47 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[woah cool ye take ur time jimmy!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:48 AM]**

 **[From: James Clair]**

[Meet me by Yeson's at 1:30 if you want your money. Bring "it" with you obviously.]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:50 AM]**

 **[From: Jonathan Woods]**

[kk sounds lik a hoot see ya then jimmy!]

 **[Message Sent: October 19th, 10:51 AM]**

 **XxXxX**

 **Pictalk**

 **Lee:** hey eddy i found one of ur buddies hogtied and naked in the junkyard

 **Lee:** what gives?

Jonny lied naked on a pile of scrap metal brutally beaten and bruised. Black eyes, a few cuts and several welts indicated a rather vicious attack. He was tightly tied with some rough rope that would surely leave marks. The worst however was that a sticky wad of cash was thoroughly lodged in Jonny's mouth, and a savage looking red phallic-mark was on his face. This was what a man looked like completely humiliated, and turned into an incarnation of shame.

 **Eddy:** HOLY SHIT! WUT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

 **Lee:** i aint got a clue i found him like this

 **Eddy:** the fuck is that on his face?

 **Eddy:** nvm im commin to get him

 **Eddy:** ill take him to the hospital

 **Lee:** thanks the boss was about to call the paramedics

 **Lee:** ur closer though

 **Eddy:** kkk


	8. Pot-Committed

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Pot-Committed**

 **XxXxX**

 **Edward Trumbull** added a new photo!

cek ot diz kewl partay meeeee n rolf fund!1 thanx too da nice layday hoo lent us her fone!

Ed had his arm around Rolf, who wore a paper bag to hide his face from the camera. In the background were several young hedonists enjoying themselves to light beer and booming country music. Splotches of liquor stained Ed and Rolf's ragged clothes, adding on more flavor to their tattered and dirty attire. The young men bore baggy eyes and rough facial hair, looking more experienced than their true age would tell you.

 **Eddy McGee** ed were da fuk hav u ben?!

 **Ed Trumbull** uh nashvile i fink

 **Eddy McGee** fuckin nashvile!1! me n kev got slaughterd at teh gam 2day whil u n rolf were in fuckin nashvile!?

 **Eddward Jones** Good Lord, you and Rolf's disappearance has put the entire cul-de-sac on edge Edward! I've had a couple of truancy officers from the school question me at my own home about your whereabouts! Please stop wandering the country like some sort of vagabond and come home already before something potentially terrible happens!

 **Kevin Smith** hey rolf thanks to u n ed bein away we lost our game against blackberry lagoon tonight. nice to see u douches had a blast partying... not! oh and btw u 2 are kicked off the team now everyone else coach included thought it wasnt fair tat a cuple of our captains coud just wander off liek this

 **May Kanker** com bac plz porkchop i missss u :,^(

 **Edward Trumbull** kkk may lu

 **XxXxX**

 **FRIENDS - FullThrottleKev**

 **CEOCa$h:** well dat game suxed ass last night

 **FullThrottleKev:** tbh fuck ed n rolf man

 **FullThrottleKev:** they left us to play a huge game ourselves

 **FullThrottleKev:** fuck that was hell with us 2 tryin to carry teh team

 **CEOCa$h:** i stil got dirt in my teef

 **CEOCa$h:** ful bak iz hard with shit bac up gards liek realy fucking hard

 **FullThrottleKev:** ye n bein QB without a solid center sucks ass too

 **FullThrottleKev:** coach isnt even mad anymor just dissapointed big time

 **FullThrottleKev:** cant even blame him for giving those two teh boot

 **CEOCa$h:** i stil cant believ thos 2 ran of to fukcing nashvile

 **FullThrottleKev:** i just wonder when theyre commin home

 **FullThrottleKev:** btw how pissed is eds woman?

 **CEOCa$h:** may filed my phon wit texts askin were ed was until she saw tat pic on mybook n then she started senden sum 2 eds phone which is stil at my place

 **CEOCa$h:** she is not happy

 **FullThrottleKev:** i bet lol

 **CEOCa$h:** wonder wut rolfs folks r thinkin

 **FullThrottleKev:** i tried callin rolf but his phone was left behind 2

 **FullThrottleKev:** his parents r stressin out bad man

 **FullThrottleKev:** liek real fuckin bad dude

 **CEOCa$h:** couda swor i heard yeling from his hous a few knights ago

 **CEOCa$h:** but shit man wat luck

 **CEOCa$h:** rolf n ed go awol and jonny getz fucked up

 **CEOCa$h:** da rest of t3h team can hardlee do jakshit

 **FullThrottleKev:** agreed at least jonny will be healed up for teh next game against blueberry river which is a guratneed win

 **CEOCa$h:** yeh we gotta win that or well nevar hear teh nd of it

 **FullThrottleKev:** dont tell the rest of the team this becauz as captains we gotta keep morale high and all that shit

 **FullThrottleKev:** but we definitely arent gonna go state this year

 **CEOCa$h:** well shit kis tat scholarship goodby

 **CEOCa$h:** sorry kev

 **FullThrottleKev:** i wasnt gettin a football scholarship anyway

 **CEOCa$h:** u werent?

 **FullThrottleKev:** none of the scouts ever looked at me

 **CEOCa$h:** nazz was sayin u were tryin for that or sumethin

 **CEOCa$h:** but then agan that waz durin nother 1 of her bitchin fitz

 **FullThrottleKev:** they told me i was just "another good high school QB but medioaker at best for college QB"

 **CEOCa$h:** if it makes ya fel betar i decided that im not goin to college

 **FullThrottleKev:** wut really?!

 **CEOCa$h:** yeah

 **FullThrottleKev:** are your folks pissed?

 **CEOCa$h:** my dad n i talked abut it over the sumer n he wants me working for him an maybe start a 2nd line of used cars

 **CEOCa$h:** he thinks my "youthfullness" will sell cars whatever tat means

 **CEOCa$h:** ive been tryin to sell stuf all my life so it seems like a good fit for now

 **CEOCa$h:** maybe colege sum time later after that but righ now i really dun wanna

 **FullThrottleKev:** shit a business degree or somethin would be good for ya down the line dude

 **FullThrottleKev:** still a basketball scholarship is outta the question since i dont got the height so my best bet is somethin okay for track n field

 **FullThrottleKev:** if not im going military

 **CEOCa$h:** miltary? which branch?

 **FullThrottleKev:** marines

 **CEOCa$h:** holy fuck man

 **FullThrottleKev:** i know "devil dog" and shit but i talked to my dad about it over teh summer

 **CEOCa$h:** is ur dad okay with it?

 **FullThrottleKev:** he really didnt want me doin it but couldnt stop me and his gf who is a former drill seargent turned cop thought it would be good 4 me

 **CEOCa$h:** my mum wouldve lost it if i sad i waz even thinkin abut goin into teh militray

 **CEOCa$h:** btw stil doin OK wit the fact ur ol man is engaged 2 her?

 **FullThrottleKev:** her being my future step mom it worries me man

 **FullThrottleKev:** like shes cool and i now ill be outta teh house after graduaton but man i never really had a mom before dude

 **CEOCa$h:** ah alrite well she nevar seemed to bad too me so i thnk yull be fine

 **FullThrottleKev:** yeah i hope so too man

 **CEOCa$h:** btw what da fuck do ya think happened to jonny 2 get his ass jumped liek that?!

 **FullThrottleKev:** you drove him to teh hospital didnt u find out?!

 **CEOCa$h:** he was kinda to fucked up 2 talk

 **CEOCa$h:** teh only thin i could mak out form him was "not in my mouth" or sumthing

 **CEOCa$h:** think jimmy had sum thin to do wit it? he seems to all ways b round when shady shit happpens

 **FullThrottleKev:** well ive heard rumors that jimmy n his goons had somthng to do with this but im not sure

 **FullThrottleKev:** i wouldnt think theyd go that fucking far

 **CEOCa$h:** maybe not hes been leaving us alone for the past few years

 **CEOCa$h:** but the other week i think i kaght him hacking eds smoke a count

 **FullThrottleKev:** whyd he hack eds shit?

 **CEOCa$h:** probablee 2 try to get dirt off me agan

 **CEOCa$h:** 4 y i dunno but if thats what he was doin hed be black mailin me riht now an he hasnt

 **CEOCa$h:** you kow how he is all ways playin up a theatric playright thing liek hes shakespear or sumthin

 **FullThrottleKev:** must be another one of his "long-cons" or sumthing

 **FullThrottleKev:** well jimmy better be ready if he wants sume huge drama goin down

 **CEOCa$h:** speakin of drama nazz is still pised at you btw

 **CEOCa$h:** youd think that shit wood b over by now

 **FullThrottleKev:** when isnt that bitch mad at me now

 **FullThrottleKev:** all she does is try to start shit with me and talk smak about me ever since we broke up last year

 **CEOCa$h:** i all most feel sarry for her a bit because shes taking this 2 hard but its just kinda an oying now

 **FullThrottleKev:** yeah im gonna go fuck some sophomores after the hallowen dance just to piss her off

 **CEOCa$h:** really?

 **FullThrottleKev:** shes free 2 fuck other guys

 **FullThrottleKev:** might as well show her im moving on to other girls

 **CEOCa$h:** probably

 **CEOCa$h:** queston

 **FullThrottleKev:** ye?

 **CEOCa$h:** wat should i do if she liek comes onto me?

 **CEOCa$h:** because ive seen that train reck already n i dunno if i wanna get kaht in it

 **FullThrottleKev:** do u really want my sloppy seconds dude!?

 **CEOCa$h:** after seeing what happens after shes freaked out sooo maney times?

 **CEOCa$h:** fuck no

 **FullThrottleKev:** shit i can get u hooked up wit bitches way better than her

 **CEOCa$h:** i dunno man rember last time?

 **CEOCa$h:** it didt work out so wel and by now i bet all the girls kow about that inseedent

 **FullThrottleKev:** oh yea with that jenny girl ive heard she kept quiet

 **FullThrottleKev:** still u didnt have to knock her out even if it was an acident lol

 **CEOCa$h:** i dont even remember doin that it wuz automatic or sumething

 **FullThrottleKev:** lol u were jus tense as fuck 4 sum reason

 **FullThrottleKev:** next time me n teh guys will get ya shitfaced then youll be relaxed lol

 **FullThrottleKev:** anyway gtg dads gf is makin diner again

 **CEOCa$h:** alright think ill play some more terracraft then just chill out

 **CEOCa$h:** later

 **XxXxX**

 **From: FunFilledFelix**

 **To: JamesEClair**

 **Subject: Worried!**

Hey sweetie, it's me again! Um so like Ive been kinda worried about what we did the other night?! I mean I know we were angry but like shouldnt we have taken that guy to the hospital or something? I mean what if he remembers like us bum rushing him and all that? Fritz is still freaking out about it like hes saying hes gonna turn himself in and all that stuff and I gotta keep saying that its going to be fine!? Its driving me a bit crazy Jimmy baby like what the frick are we gonna do? I heard from the vineline that like that guy ended up in the hospital and made a full recovery. Thats cool and all but what if he like blabs on us!1? I know your daddy has connections and all that but like if pepples find out we were involved in that, we can get in major trouble. My parents might not even let me like be around you anymore and stuff like that, and I dont want that. Anyway Fritz and I were thinking of maybe relaxing this weekend?1? He really needs to calm down after what he did ya know? Sorry sugar but I cant come over on Friday again. I swear Ill make it up to you. Maybe you can come over? We'll just be watching some, like, movies or something on OBH. You interested?!

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Salutations Jonny, have you been recuperating well after the trauma you've suffered this week?]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:47 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[Heya double-d whats new with you im doing okay and should be totes magotes set to play on the hallowen game!]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:49 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Well I just worked from seven to three today, so I'm a little tired but fine. It's a relief to hear that you're feeling better though. But are you positive that you should be out engaging yourself a physical contact sport again? Did your doctor give you approval?]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:51 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[She said 2 be careful but i'll be a-okay double-D I gotta step in and help the team out after coach kicked ed n rolf off the team!1]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:52 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Well I suppose it is fair that Ed and Rolf had their extra-circular participation revoked. Deciding to leave town after going on a bizarre minor alcoholic rampage last week can't be tolerated. Last I've heard Ed and Rolf are just leaving Nashville, although who knows if either of them intend on returning home.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:51 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[I know what ya mean double-d the trueancy guys from school questioned me about those fellas like the inquizition! I heard the only trouble theyre getting into now is just for missin so much schol!1]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:54 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[True, none of our parents even wanted to press charges against Ed or Rolf for their strange antics, even though it took three days to get those gravy stains out from my living room carpet! But alas, from what Marie has informed me her sister May is gravely upset at Ed leaving town with Rolf and is definitely in a rather sour mood as a result.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:56 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[lol why do u still talk that that bitch anyway double-D!? Marie I mean not may.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:57 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Truth be told Jonny I don't have any good reason to and more often than not she is the one to initiate conversation with me first. Am I being too courteous by still keeping some contact with Marie?]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 3:58 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[LMAFO YEAH XD cut your ties with that bitch double-d shes just nothing but trouble!2 teh only fella I know more sleezy n greasey than that hoe is eddys brother!]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:00 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Speaking of Eddy's brother, I heard you were present when he made a run for it from Big Jim's Bar and Grill the moment Ed entered the establishment. Was everyone okay after that little incident?]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:01 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[Oh yeah r fine I remember going there with ed n kevin to grab a bite to eat we saw him hightail it the hell on outta there like drunk lightning!1 last I heard from eddy his brother is trolling around in lemon brook since places in town are starting 2 blacklist him again]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:03 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[I can't say that I'm too surprised. Still, it's a shame that he remains close to Peach Creek while I worry about Ed and Rolf's well being as they're still "adventuring" outside of the state. Anyway, to cut to the chase I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I asked you a question.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:05 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[if its about what I think it is I really dont wanna go into specs about it double-d]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:06 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Jonny, I was working at Yeson's when I saw Jimmy and his friends "escort" you into that van in the parking lot. I was going to intervene until my boss dragged me away to perform the menial task of inventory. I tried bringing up that you seemed to be in potential danger but he dismissed my claims and informed me that if I called the authorities that I would lose my job; his reasoning being something about not wanting to ruin the store's "family-friendly" reputation. Then I heard on Monday from Kevin that Lee found you brutally assaulted and tied-up in the junkyard. Good Lord, Eddy had to drive you over to the hospital for Pete's sake! So please Jonny, tell me exactly what happened to bring you the misfortune of ending up in that horrid predicament.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:09 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[look double-d jimmy n his gang said that if I ever spill the beans on what happen then theyll go after plank man it was so fucked up like really it was either me or my old buddy when hat shit went down and I know that plank has been giving me the silent treatment for awhile now but I cant lose him double-d me and him have been through so much together so thats why im just gonna pretend that the crap I got myself into last week never happen and you and the rest of the shcool should be doin the same so nuthing worse happens]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:15 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Wow Jonny, to put it bluntly that is absurd but I understand and won't pursue this issue any further. Although I would prefer if you added in some commas and periods into your sentences to make them easier on the eyes to read. I can only imagine you actually speaking like that and turning blue in the face gasping for oxygen after saying that mouthful.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:17 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[oh come on double-d youre really gonna be a fucking grammer nazi now of all times!?]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:19 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[I wasn't correcting your grammar Jonny, I was suggesting that you work on your punctuation. Contrary to popular belief, there is a difference between the two.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:20 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[Whatever. Ya. Nerd. There. This. Good. Or. Better. HM...,,,..,!?.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:22 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[Look, I have some free space available in my schedule to examine Plank tonight. I might be able to come up with some theories as to why he may be in a comatose-like state if that would cheer you up.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:25 PM]**

 **[From: Jonny]**

[hotdog that sounds like a real hoot double-d thxs i'll drop him off in an hour!1!]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:27 PM]**

 **[From: Double-D]**

[It would be my pleasure.]

 **[Message Sent: October 26th, 4:29 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

 **WeTube**

The video starts with the camera recording a bunch of students dressed up in Halloween costumes in a dimly lit gymnasium having a good time. A few orange and black balloons along with some black table covers were the only decorations for this high school dance besides the usual strobe lights. Marie panned the camera to the side revealing a costume-less Kevin hitting on two sophomore-aged girls. The brunette girl dressed up in a scantily dressed SWAT outfit and her dark haired friend wore a rather professional set of scrubs and lab-coat. "You two wanna go for a ride tonight, if ya catch my drift?" Letting out some carefree giggles, the sixteen year-old girls went with him as Kevin wrapped his toned arms around their skinny waists. As the three of them sneaked out of the gym via the back exit, Kevin gazed back to see Marie recording and gave a cheeky thumbs-up, nonchalant about being on camera before he shut the door behind him.

"Looks like someone got lucky!" announced Marie as she snickered.

"That goddamn pig!" Marie rotated the camera to find the source of the rage. A steaming-mad Nazz had her arms tightly folded as she leaned against some bleachers in the gym, crushing a cup of punch in one hand. Her skeleton costume reflected all sorts of light off the pseudo-ivory, and the skull-makeup on her face chipped a little with her ghoulish scowl.

"And look who it is! It's Peach Creek's favorite drama queen!" Marie yelled as she got closer, "As if she couldn't get anymore transparent and hollow, this bag of bones looks like she's gonna crumble!"

Nazz's ear twitched as she unleashed a death glare at the camera. She began to slowly creep towards Marie, pushing through a crowd of dancers. "Go away Kanker, or I'll shove that Go-Pro up your snatch!"

"Fine, sheesh!" Marie let out as she bolted off, hustling to a different part of the gym as she muttered, "What a bitch!"

 **xxx**

The video cut to Marie recording out in the hallway by the gym where some students were talking, taking a break from being in the crowded, sweaty gym. She saw Double-D dressed up as a medevial plague doctor, complete with a wide-brimmed waxed-leather hat, bird-like beak mask, ankle length overcoat and wooden cane. He was chatting with Jonny who wore a lumberjack costume, with gaudy splinter-covered plaid, a fake black beard, and Plank equipped with a cardboard ax attacked to thte top of his board-body. "I bet Plank's probably wondering where your wings are Double-D!" Jonny exclaimed with a hardy laugh and slap to his knee.

"Curse the widespread ignorance of history in this hick town..." Double-D complained, his voice nearly inaudible thanks to his mask and his emotions hidden.

"Good ol' oven mitt a freaking bird-man, and is into weirdos these days." Marie observed with the two young adults turning their attention over to her.

As it looked like Marie was about to get confronted by Double-D and Jonny, a loud, thundering noise rang as the school's gym-side entrance doors banged open. Marie quickly moved to capture the image of Ed and Rolf barging into the building, muting nearly everyone which amplified the rave music in the background. Their clothes were tattered, torn beyond repair and stained with putrid dung and liquor-induced blotches. Ed's skin had changed from a banana yellow to a citrine shade, his auburn facial hair two inches thick and his eyes drooping with exaust. His friend Rolf had a similar alteration in his appearance as well since the two left town a couple of weeks ago, only to return now.

"Holy shit! Nice zombie costumes!" someone called out, breaking the silence as the Peack Creek High students resumed socializing.

Another teen cried out, "I think some homeless guys just walked in!"

"Hey everybody!" Ed belched, throwing a bottle into a nearby garbage can. We're back!"

"Rolf has returned with the tales of many travels with Rolf's bombast companion Ed!" Rolf proclaimed with much fanfare. "Bring out the wenches!"

"Hey, it's those assholes who got kicked off the team last week!" screamed one of the football players for the Cobblers, who had a few other teammates join in jeering at their ex-captains' return.

Eddy and May, dressed as vampire Barry White and Mosquito Girl from One Punch Man respectively, rushed towards Ed and helped move him over to the punch bowl inside the gymnasium. "Eddy, May, Ed has missed you!" the drunken oaf exclaimed as the two had Ed's arms over their shoulders. A mob of girls surrounded Rolf. Like a flock of sheep reunited with their shepherd at last, sneaking him into the lady's restroom as Rolf did not complain. Double-D and Jonny too joined in escorting Ed into the gym, making sure their friend would be fine.

"Oh this is just too perfect!" Marie squealed with wicked pleasure. "May's dumbass man makes a comeback to conclude his jackass adventures!"

 **xxx**

The video cuts again, this time to Double-D and May helping Ed drink from the entire punch bowl while Eddy and Jonny pushed aside some gawkers like a couple of bodyguards. "Pace yourself Ed," Double-D instructed as he put a reassuring hand on Ed's back. "I know you're incredibly dehydrated right now, but if you keep consuming the punch at this rate, you're going to regurgitate it all back up!"

"Let him drink the whole fucking thing Sockhead!" Eddy snapped as he turned around and saw a fellow football player about to charge at Ed.

"This is for last week's loss, traitor!" the Cobbler's strongside linebacker roared as he came close to smashing Ed through the punch table. Eddy hopped over his friend and grabbed the defensive player with both arms and hammered him into the hard, wooden gym floor, with an ear-splitting crunch echoing throughout the homecoming dance. The striker crawled away injured, and several others in the gym skedaddled, finally getting the message to back off once Eddy made it physically clear.

"Hey, we won tonight's game ya dumbass!" Eddy bellowed back. "As your captain I'm telling you to get the fuck over it!"

"Ed, don't you ever run off like that again!" May cried as she had a hand on her boyfriend's back. "I was worried you were in jail or dead by now!"

Ed slammed down the empty punch bowl, causing Double-D's eyes to widen with worry. "Sorry May. Rolf and I had too much fun and-" suddenly, Ed started coughing and sure enough the punch would return to its bowl in a corrupted form. As Ed retched, puke splattered all over the table, bits splashing onto Double-D and May's costumes, ruining them.

Double-D lifted the mask off his face and was mortified at the condition of his brand new plague doctor costume. "Ed you nincompoop! You covered me in your emesis!" Double-D screeched, nearly striking Ed down with vengeance with Jonny having to restrain him. Of course within a few seconds, his clarity returned upon him as Double-D calmed down and inhaled a large breath of air. "Well, I suppose I can't wear this again next year."

Edbelched, "Oops," Ed chuckled as a couple more chunks dripped off his lips, "My bad Eddy!"

"You're gonna need a hose-down after this porkchop." May informed her boyfriend as she hesitantly wiped his mouth. "And from the look of things, I'll need to whip up one of my Kanker-tonics!"

"But they taste like … red!" Ed protested, haphazardly shoving the punch bowl onto the floor. The contents of said bowl spilled everywhere on the dance floor, causing what students that were left at the dance to holler in disgust.

"Alright lumpy, let's get the fuck outta here," announced Eddy as he pulled his intoxicated friend up. "Come on big guy, before you get lynched."

Marie followed the five out into the hallway, hiding behind a stairwell as she readjusted the camera's settings. Ed, Edd, Eddy, Jonny, and May were about to leave out to the parking lot when the school's doors were blown open with a tremendous force for a second time that evening. "Hold it right there, fatheads!" yelled none other than Ed's little sister Sarah, wearing a cheap angel costume.

"Sa-Sarah?" Ed asked in a bit of a slurred voice.

"Oh, now you can talk to me?"

"Fuck off Sarah, we're making an exit!" Eddy shot back. "We don't have time for your shit!"

"Screw you Eddy, I need to have a word with my retarded brother!" she demanded, getting in Eddy's face as she continued approaching her older brother.

May put an arm around Ed, "Porkchop, come on, let's get you-"

"No, it's okay..." Ed stoically told her, slowly pulling May's arm off him. Double-D and Jonny gave each other concerned stares, having fear instilled into them at Ed's suddenly chilling voice. "Get the car started Eddy, I'll be out in a bit."

Eddy opened the door, gulping. "Come on guys, we don't need to get involved," he said with Jonny stepping quickly stepping out. "This is some family drama bullshit."

May sighed, "Alright, just don't do anything you'll regret Ed."

"I'm done regretting." Tears rolled down his eyes, leaving dirt-free trails on Ed's face. "I've been regretting things my entire life."

May tried to comfort her man until she was pulled away by Eddy as they exited the school slowly, but never looking back. "Feel free to talk about this in the morning Ed," Double-D uttered as he shut the door behind him, leaving the brother and sister alone, with only those two standing in the hallway now.

"Oh this is too fucking good to miss." Marie shrilled as she zoomed in on the brother and sister.

Sarah's hands were firmly rested on her hips, "So did ya have fun on your little adventure?" she sternly asked. Ed dozed off for a bit until she snapped her fingers in his face. "Jesus Christ, you smell like a liquor store Ed! Mom wouldn't-"

"I do not care what mom would not like right now Sarah!" Ed boomed. The wasted wave of sloshed frustration took Sarah aback a few fee. "Hush Sarah, my ears are in pain."

"Aw, do your ears hurt?" she taunted. Anyone else would have backed off, but not Sarah, oh no, she was too aggressive to concede with someone merely raising their voice. "Why don't ya try being in my shoes Ed? I get bitched out by mom every day for no reason! For the past two weeks as she's been doing nothing but complaining about your fat ass ruining the house _again_ with that little stop you made before leaving town with your boyfriend to god-knows-where. You have no idea what it's like nowadays with mom constantly making me feel like shit Ed! She always makes me do all the fucking chores now while she's out with her friends from the community college! For fuck's sake, I haven't had a cooked meal in months, it's just been scraps or take-out! Everyday is torture and it's all because of you!"

Ed loomed over his sister like a grim, dark tower about to collapse. "You delicate rose," he staggered, constantly leaning back and forth , his stability weakening. "Mom's yelling is nothing compared to a ring-boosted slap little sister!"

"Stop acting like a goddamn victim Ed!" Selflessness and Sarah didn't coexist. "You only got yourself to blame for all the punishment you got! If only you acted more normal, mom wouldn't be such an abusive control freak all the time!"

"You are so lucky you were born a girl." Ed's eyebrow started to twitch, and blistering smoke fumed from his nose. "It's always my fault when things don't go good for Princess Sarah!"

"It is!" she stomped as she grabbed Ed's hand and began pulling on him. "Now hurry up so we can go home and you can do something about it!"

"Oh don't you worry baby sister!" Ed exclaimed, smacking Sarahs' hand off him, followed by a huge gulp, his hand clenching to his gut. "It's a easy fix."

Sarah shook, suddenly getting a very ominous feeling insider her. "Uh, what do you mean big brother?" she whined, nearly whimpering in fear.

"I am not your big brother!" Ed thundered. As if lightning just striked Sarah, she was paralyzed. She wanted to run, but she had run out of nerve and began to cower as her eyes watered. Ed put up both his hands on Sarah's shoulders and squeezed with a firm grip. Sarah tried to yell, telling him to stop, but it was too late for that. "I never ever want to see you again Sarah, you fucking bitch!" With that being dropped came a blast of bile that drenched Sarah in a .15% disgusting mess of puke, covering her from the plastic halo over her head to the bottom of her now soiled robes.

Sarah took off crying, running for the girl's bathroom, screaming incoherently at this point. Ed tumbled onto the floor and began to pull himself out of the school, as if he was finally climbing out from the grasp of hell. The camera fumbled and now watched on from a tilted angle, it's holder having fallen to the floor in a hysterical fit. Nothing else could be heard after that aside from Marie's maniacal laughter.

The video stops there.

 **Girl Gets Puked On!**

 _ **NotYoHo**_

 **Subscribe?**

 **Published on Oct 31st, 2014**

would have been a lame dance but some funny shit happened so it was alright!

 **COMMENTS**

 **KingJamesX:** You will take this video down immediately Marie. I know where you live.

 **NotYoHo: +KingJamesX** wat u gonna do ya babby cry about it?


	9. Coffee House

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Coffee House**

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[Hey may have u heard from Ed? Ive tried reaching him all wekend but he wouldnt answer]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 2:05 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[Uh hello were u busy in class or sumthing please answer May!1]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 3:32 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[God fucking dammit May r u givin me the silent treatment too!?1?]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 5:46 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[holly shit calm ur tits I was at work but yeh u desserv 2 b igored like wat mah boyfriend says]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 7:58 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[OMFG I GET FUCKIN PUKED ON N BY MY RETARDED BROTHER AND I DESERV IT!? WTF IS WRONG WIT EVERYONE!?11]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:01 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[do u even read wat u jus write? big ed is sooooo rite abot u sarah u reelly r a fuckin cunt!]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:05 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[STFU U WOULD BE PISSED 2 IF YOU LIVED WITH MY MOM!1! SHES BECAME FUCKING AWFUL SINCE SHE KICKED ED OUT! WHEN I CAME HOME SMELLING LIKE THROWUP I GOT IN TROUBLE BECUZ MY MOM TTHOUGHT I GOT DRUNK AT A GODDAM PARTY!]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:08 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[good abot tim u get scolded 4 actin liek shit allll teh time!1!]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:10 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[MAY U MORON I GOT HELD DOWN N BEATEN THEN TRHOWN IN EDS OLD ROOM ALL WEKEND!11! MY MOM LOCKED THE DOORS N WINDOWS AND ALL SHE GAVE ME WAS NASTY WINE SINCE SHE THOUGHT I WAS BECOMING ALCOHOLIC!1!]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:13 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[lol OK ten how com at shcool u loked fine?! saw u in theh alls erleier n u seeeemed decent]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:16 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[Wow you really do deserv to be with my idiot brother. My chest still fuckin hurts and it feels like my boobs are gonna explode!11! Im seriously scared when she gets home from teh community college later tonight. Id stay at Jimmys but hes busy with Felix and Fritz again as usual these days :,^(]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:20 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[wellll wut do u want me 2 to abut it!? u lie liek a car pet 2 gett atenton bitch i bet ur juss sayin tis 2 me so porkchop wont disown ur fatasss anymor evan tho u fucked up big tim]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:23 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[You dumbass do you want to see a picture for proof? And you're one to call someone fat since you've been getting a bit heavier yourself these days May!]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:25 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[noooooo way hoezay im nooo predo i dunt want 2 c ur small kiddy titties!1 also i jus told mah man abo tur texts n he says u r dead 2 him :^)]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:27 PM]**

 **[From: porkchops bitch sista]**

[:,^( :,^( :,^( :,^( :,^(]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:30 PM]**

 **[From: May]**

[btw u stewpid slut tat meanz ur dead 2 me 2 so u r now bloked :^)]

 **[Message Sent: November 3rd, 8:31 PM]**

 **XxXxX**

 **GROUP – Cul-De-Sac Crew**

 **CEOCa$h:** well mah folks freaked out at ed

 **CEOCa$h:** me mom wuz wored sick abot him n mah old mans havin ed werk his ass off at da dealership now

 **CEOCa$h:** both of tem told me if ed pulls tat shit again theyre kicking him out

 **FullThrottleKev:** damn well at least he didnt get fucking beaten liek rolf did by his parents

 **CEOCa$h:** woah da fuck reelly? cheesus thats extreme

 **FullThrottleKev:** I thik they threw out wat tech shit rolfs had too so hes outta a phone n comp

 **CEOCa$h:** shit an I thot my parents wear harsh

 **SolidOak entered chat.**

 **SolidOak:** wazzup guys?

 **CEOCa$h:** not mucho jonny boy jus talkin bout ed n rolf

 **D-Squared entered chat.**

 **D-Squared:** Greetings gentlemen.

 **SolidOak:** Heya Double-D! Did Plank say anything yet?

 **D-Squared:** Sorry Jonny, but while Plank's been in my custody he's been giving me the silent treatment as well. This is far more serious than I initially imagined, but rest assure that I will formulate a theory after I finish running some hypotheses.

 **FullThrottleKev:** wut the fuck r u goin on about double-d?

 **SolidOak:** Oh Double-D's jus watching Plank for me right now no biggie.

 **CEOCa$h:** dunt wanna kno dunt care

 **BlackBeltGirl entered chat.**

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Hey guys!

 **BlackBeltGirl:**...and Kevin

 **FullThrottleKev:** u still bitchy?

 **CEOCa$h:** knoc it da fuck off u 2 b4 i bash ur headz in

 **CEOCa$h:** we got 2 talk bout ed n rolf fuckin up badd becauz rite now my parents grounded ed 4 bein a dumbass an rolfs comp n phone r busted at t3h momet

 **CEOCa$h:** eds grounded an rolfs computer is busted atm

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Yeah I heard about both of them crashing the dance after I walked out. What went down when they came home?

 **CEOCa$h:** u havent seen maries vid of the entire thin yet?

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Wait that bitch put a video of the dance up on WeTube? OMG I look like such a freak in that video fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

 **FullThrottleKev:** at leas u didnt gett in troubel 4 anythin in it

 **CEOCa$h:** ya half the team hatez me now sense i injured 1 of our own linebackers cuz he wax gonna try an fuk up ed.

 **FullThrottleKev:** ye me n eddy had 2 run so much at practice 2 set a gud leadership exampel or sumething it was bullshit butt coach said it wouldve looked wron if we didnt

 **CEOCa$h:** didnt help that me may jonny n u sockhead nearly got in troubel 2 jus fer bein there

 **SolidOak:** Ya good thing u helped get our butts outta trouble, that could have been a doozey, Double-D.

 **D-Squared:** There was no way I was going to get potentially denied of future scholarships just because we helped out Ed in his time of need. Thankfully I was able to use the Good Samaritan law to justify our actions, and to secure not getting in any trouble I threatened the school possible legal action if they decided to unjustly punish us. You would be surprised how quickly any school will go on their knees and beg once you bring up the word "lawsuit."

 **FullThrottleKev:** well cuz of maries vid my dad told me this morning that the parents of thos sophomore girls i fucked aftr the dance r fuckin pissed

 **FullThrottleKev:** thanks to my dads cop gf tho she reminded tem tat age of consent is sixteen in the state so i did nothin legally wrong

 **FullThrottleKev:** butt now i cant talk 2 ether of tem again which suxz caus they were fun 2 fuck and my dad n his gf re prety disapointed in me to make shiit worse

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Don't feel bad Kevin I'm always disappointed in you :^)

 **BlackBeltGirl was kicked by CEOCa$h.**

 **FullThrottleKev:** LOL U SHOWED THAT BITCH MAN!1!

 **FullThrottleKev was kicked by CEOCa$h.**

 **CEOCa$h:** no mor fuckin drama i swear

 **SolidOak:** LMFAO!11! XD

 **BlackBeltGirl entered chat.**

 **FullThrottleKev entered chat.**

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Okay I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

 **FullThrottleKev:** how cum u get 2 kick people dorky?

 **CEOCa$h:** cuz I made thiz group n am the boss boss boss boss boss

 **CEOCa$h:** also holy fukk prinicipal wanted 2 slam me n may so bad cuz marie had a vid of tat sumer bbq we had at ur place jonny

 **SolidOak:** What'cha guys do at my house to get the principal's panties in a knot?

 **CEOCa$h:** we had sum buds n princeseepal wanted us in jail 4 it butt tooo much tim pased bi so jackshit waz dune abot it lol

 **CEOCa$h:** fucker gave us eivl eyes n now me n may r getting watched by teachs big tim

 **SolidOak:** So canwe all agree that Marie Kanker is a fucking bitch?

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Seconded

 **FullThrottleKev:** gotta agree with nazz fer once

 **CEOCa$h:** ye n i know may n lee r getting real sick of her shit 2

 **SolidOak:** What about you Double-D, youv'e been pretty silent for awhile.

 **D-Squared:** I can't deny that my patience has been worn rather thin by her recent behavior. Still, I like to think that there's still a glimmer of hope that Marie will outgrow her horrid antics, otherwise it will be the end of her.

 **FullThrottleKev:** dunt get delushunal double-d that hoe waz troubel as a kidd and shes even mor trouble now

 **SolidOak:** If I saw that bitch ever begging on the streets for mercy, I'd spit right on her!

 **D-Squared:** I see, well, changing the subject back to Ed and Rolf, I've had to devote so much of my personal time to helping them catch up in their schoolwork while they've been suspended this week.

 **CEOCa$h:** yh and my old mans makin ed put in mor hours at the dealership than my fuckin bro now like fuck mah dad kept ed till ten yesterday juss 2 sit in the corner

 **SolidOak:** Wowzers that's a tight pickle Ed's gotten into. What about Rolf?

 **FullThrottleKev:** well rolf's dad kicked his ass bad n ten threw out hiz tech so now hes got rolf workin his fingors 2 teh bone in teh feelds

 **D-Squared:** I know that's just how people are punished in Rolf's culture, yet I can't help but find it barbaric and exceedingly cruel.

 **FullThrottleKev:** both of em r also off teh team if you guys havnt herd

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Everyone's knew about that for a couple weeks since you announced on MyBook.

 **D-Squared:** I'm not surprised: truancy, being under the influence on school grounds and more was bound to get them in serious trouble. I'm honestly surprised they weren't flat out expelled.

 **CEOCa$h:** mah mum said itz cuz of eds situation n rolf bein foregin tey only got suspended

 **CEOCa$h:** also holy shit it sucked tryin 2 get ed home after teh danc

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Let me guess Ed puked all over your backseat?

 **CEOCa$h:** welll that n teh big babby blubbed liek a wuss all teh way bac cuz of teh shit that went dowon wit him n sarah

 **D-Squared:** I remember us watching the incident from outside. Poor Sarah, while I know she's far from a nice person, getting doused in drunken bile and being disowned at the same time must have been incredibly stressful.

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Wait Ed vomited on Sarah and disowned her? Like I knew they haven't been on good terms in years now but this is just wrong.

 **CEOCa$h:** TBH im surprised lumpy didntd do it sooner i kno i woodave dropped that cunt liek a roc so qick if i had 2 b her brother

 **FullThrottleKev:** damn abot tim ed grow a par n tell sarah off i mean lets be real here honestleey who could ever stand tat bitch atall?!

 **SolidOak:** I heard rumors that Sarah was the reason Ed got drunk with Rolf and left down in teh first place!

 **BlackBeltGirl:** Yeah, that makes sense! They couldn't have been mad at us for anything, right?

 **CEOCa$h:** IDK i havent got a gud reason from ed abot it wut abut u kev?!

 **FullThrottleKev:** rolfs wont talk 2 me about it either dude

 **CEOCash:** huh so tat maks 2 of us then n also tat numbskul fuckin ruined mah rugg in puke

 **D-Squared:** You know Eddy, if you don't mind I would be happy to clean your carpet for you.

 **CEOCa$h:** no thxs its allreday trashed n i wuz thinkin to git a new car aneway ed jus gave me a new reson

 **D-Squared:** Alright then...

 **BlackBeltGirl:** You know its good to see you two talking again, even if it took Ed and Rolf going missing for awhile and coming home drunk for it to happen.

 **BlackBeltGirl was kicked by CEOCa$h.**

 **XxXxX**

 **WeTube**

 **NotYoHo** ,

Your account has been terminated due to repeated flagging on your videos. All of your videos have been taken down with extreme prejudice as well. You obviously violated community guidelines and/or committed copyright infringement. We're not going to look into this matter and you can go fuck yourself.

- **WeTubebot1448**

 **XxXxX**

 **Fumbler**

In the first picture is Nazz giving an awkward smile in her room, the angle of the photo focused on her blond hair. Besides Nazz are four different bottles of hair dye on her dresser: hot pink, red raspberry, indigo and celadon. It was a chaotic mixture of colors, but each hue reflected Nazz's character in its own individual way. Yet all four dyes aligned right next to one another looked rather unorganized, hectic even as they wildly clashed.

"Hey guys todays the day I decided to make a fumbler blog! I've lurked around here for ages but I thought today would be a good day to finally sign up. Before I start reblogging a bunch of rad stuff I'm gonna put this up here first so I have something cool to contribute. Pic above is my old look. Yeah yeah its bland as fuck I know so that's why I'm gonna spruce myself up with these far-out dyes I bought. I couldn't decide on just one so I decided to use all of them! Credit to my mom for helping me so I didn't get my skinn super stained!"

The second picture showed Nazz with her new hair; the same style, but no longer the generic valley girl blond hue anymore. In front center was the raging red raspberry dye that transited to a hedonistic hot pink the further back it went towards Nazz's neck. On the left side of Nazz's hair was the intriguing indigo shade, and on her right the crass celadon tint. It was impossible to tell what her original hair color was now, but Nazz's cheesy smile remained the same as it did in the photo above. Although it did give off a very ruinous vibe, as an aura of abnormality radiated from the shiny new dyed hair.

"Out with the old Nazz and in with the new! I kind of dig this what do you guys think? I can't wait to see how people react to this at school. :^)"

Posted by **pathfinderdestiny** on **November 6, 2014 – 25 notes**

 **XxXxX**

 **-Plank Study-**

 **November 7t** **h** **, 2014**

 _It has been one week since I've started monitoring subject "Plank" and began running multiple hypotheses. For hours I've examined Plank for anomalies, attempted to converse with it one-on-one, and even tried to record any sound this piece of timber could possibly make. I've come to this theory: the only rational explanation I have for Plank not talking to Jonny anymore is possibly due to him naturally growing out of his overactive imagination when he entered high school. Although from a psychological standpoint, this is illogical since such a drastic change in thought patterns would have had to of been triggered by some traumatic event. If this was a matter of Jonny having overactive imagination (or schizophrenia, but medical records state that he hasn't been diagnosed with this condition), it shouldn't have cleared up like this unless he was on medication, and based on Jonny's current medical records he is not being prescribed anything at the moment. How I have access to Jonny's medical files dates back to my time as an assistant to the school nurse back in junior high. Normally I don't pry around in the others' records as much anymore, but in this case I had no choice but to engage in every available resource I had at my disposal._

 _I'm starting to believe that maybe something more external is causing Jonny to not hear Plank like he used to. I might have to investigate Jonny's abode to see if his surroundings have changed over the past few years since I was away in Canada. I'll have to ask him and/or his parents if I could stop by for dinner sometime soon. Although with my current schedule the only available date I can arrange a visit will be on Thanksgiving day. Not that I had any plans with my family, both mother and father will be away as per usual on the holidays thanks to their busy work schedules. Although I did plan on having a video-chat with Juan and Rikki via Stratpe on the 27th, I suppose I can make time to have a Thanksgiving dinner with Jonny's family if possible. Alas, I'm getting too personal in what's supposed to be a scientific log, so it's best that I end things here and return to making progress on my homework._

 **XxXxX**

 **Lee Kanker's MyBook Chat**

 **Lee Kanker 6:48 PM:** ey dutch boy we gotta talk about a few things

 **James Clair 6:49 PM:** Hello Lee Kanker, nice hearing from you again. To be honest I forgot you existed thanks to a combination of your sparse MyBook status updates, along with rarely if at all seeing you in person.

 **Lee Kanker 6:50 PM:** yeh well thats wat workin 70plus hours a week does 2 yah.

 **Lee Kanker 6:50 PM:** nyway first things first about marie

 **Lee Kanker 6:51 PM:** she wont fucking stop bitching about u getting her wetube account taken down or sumthing

 **James Clair 6:53 PM:** I wasn't aware that your sister had a WeTube account; much less that it's been terminated. Although knowing her, I'm surprised Marie hasn't tried physically assaulting me yet if she believes I'm at fault for her WeTube account being permanently banned.

 **Lee Kanker 6:55 PM:** well thing is dutch that when shit went south a few days ago marie flipped the fuck out real badd. me n may had to rrestrain her with duck tape so she would stop recking up our place cryin her eyes out!

 **Lee Kanker 6:56 PM:** i thought this would be good so marie might go n do sumthin real producktive 4 once. butt all shes ben doin is mopein around the house all depressed n shit. holy fucking shit i nevar thought id say this but i hate not seeing that devilish grin my sister gets at least i know shes alive n well when she acts all mischevious

 **Lee Kanker 7:06 PM:** dutch boy u fuckin there?! i got my second job 2 skidaddle outto in half n hour dont waste my fucking time

 **James Clair 7:07 PM:** My apologies, I had to use the bathroom.

 **Lee Kanker 7:07 PM:** if u were jus laughin ur ass off this whole time jus tell me right now

 **James Clair 7:08 PM:** Alright, I confess I did find the mental image of Marie having a mental breakdown over getting her WeTube account taken down as hilarious. But I really did have to use the bathroom as well; I couldn't ruin my new pants by wetting myself in laughter after all.

 **Lee Kanker 7:08 PM:** i apprecate teh honesty but u better watch it dutch. marie might b a pain in my ass these days but shes still family. dont fuck with teh kanker sisters if u know wats best

 **James Clair 7:09 PM:** If that's the case then inform your other sister May that her and Ed need to apologize for giving Sarah a nervous breakdown last week. She hasn't been feeling too good either after being told that she's "dead to Ed", so if you could help mend Ed and Sarah's relationship, perhaps I can see if there's a way to restore Marie's WeTube account.

 **Lee Kanker 7:11 PM:** i aint got time 4 that shit drama plus that brat deserves everythin she gets

 **Lee Kanker 7:11 PM:** so ill cut 2 teh chase n tell u rite now that the junkyard has cameras

 **James Clair 7:13 PM:** Why would I care if the junkyard has functioning security cameras?

 **Lee Kanker 7:14 PM:** stop playin dumb dutch everyon knows ur a crafty weasel

 **Lee Kanker 7:15 PM:** i seen teh footage this morning at work of u an those goons droppin that weird bald black kid off all hogtied up. pretty fucked up seein u sickos keep beatin em while he cant do shit and teh sticky wad of cash u crammed down his throat waz really over teh top. id go more in detail but i gotta congrats u on makin me uneasy considerin all teh shit ive seen n ben threw over teh yeears

 **Lee Kanker 7:16 PM:** ive watched enough cop shows 2 know thats definit prison time n u scrawny twinks woud be jailhouse bitches teh moment u get booked

 **James Clair 7:19 PM:** I bet you're bluffing; there's no way that run-down dump has cameras, let alone working ones. Plus do you really think my friends and I would bother torturing Jonny at all, let alone that late on a school night?

 **Lee Kanker 7:20 PM:** yer sayin u dont give 2 shits if I hand this over 2 teh cops then? i will fuckin do it if u don't put up maries wetube whatever back up so shell go bac 2 normel

 **Lee Kanker 7:25 PM:** well whats ur ansir dutch com on im waiting

 **Lee Kanker 7:30 PM:** fuck it i gotta jet for 10 hours of movin palettes all night at want*more so im givin ya 24 hours to fix up maries wetube or else. hope yer do teh smart thin here dutch

 **XxXxX**

The sun was setting in the pinkish-blue twilight sky as a thirty-something man stepped into a phone booth on the edge of Peach Creek that hadn't been used in a decade. At the old payphone several vehicles drove by as Eddy's brother squished his face against the dusty land-line. Digging around his pockets he pulled out a few quarters, along with some used condoms and hash that dropped onto the dirty floor. Inserting the coins Bro pressed ten numbers, dialing up the person he wished to contact. Eddy's brother waited for what seemed like forever for someone to pick up. Then came a click and a greeting from the other end of the line.

"Hey, I know you're all business so I'm calling about your offer," Eddy's brother told the guy at the other end. "Tell me straight up, how much we talkin' here?"

After a short exchange Eddy's brother nearly dropped the phone, tossing around the handset as he barely managed to prevent it from colliding with the floor. He took a few deep breaths, trying to retain his composure. Eddy's brother couldn't fuck this up, he had to play things cool. This was serious business, and the tiniest mistake could screw him over.

"Sorry, got scared by some drunk behind a semi," he lied, sweating. "Still, with that much dough I could retire before my old man!"

The two continued to talk more over the land-line for several more minutes. On Eddy's brother's part was an exchange of confirmations as he yanked out a fancy broken-off chain pen and held it in his left hand. He leaned against the cloudy glass windows of the phone booth, resting the handset between his head and shoulder as he jotted some information down on his right arm. Eddy's brother made sure that his fine handwriting was small enough to fit everything he needed to remember on his arm, but big enough to be legible as well.

"Oh yeah, I got it all down," Eddy's brother informed the recipient on the other hand, his right arm now covered in ink. "Listen, I gotta jet right now, but I'll remember to keep in touch. Can't wait till you arrive with the goods in a month, shit's gonna be cash."

With that being said Eddy's brother set the handset back on the switch hook, clicking as it hung up. Exiting the phone booth slowly he began walking down the highway with his thumb sticking up. It was hard for him to hold back his grin; he didn't want to appear as a psycho to anyone kind enough to give him a ride back into town. Yet Eddy's brother couldn't help but be filled with hope now that it finally looked like he was dealt a good hand.


	10. Slow Play

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Slow Play**

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 8:46 AM - Entry 1:** I started getting ready for today's Thanksgiving dinner with Jonny's family, starting off with my typical morning routine of showering, brushing my teeth and etc. Of course since there's no school today, I managed to sleep-in a much needed extra hour, although many of my peers besides Rolf would not consider getting up at seven to be "sleeping-in." Right now I'm ironing my best dress shirt for today's festivities, even though Jonny's parents said I didn't need to wear formal clothing. After that, I need to iron my tie and dress pants, then polish my dress shoes, and last but not least blow-dry my signature hat. I know it clashes with my attire, but I couldn't imagine parting ways with my hat; I just don't look the same without it._

 _My parents left me a note on the fridge, wishing me a good Thanksgiving dinner with the Woods' family. They're sorry they couldn't get out of work this Thanksgiving for the tenth time in a row, but that next year we should treat Jonny's family to dinner. I suppose that next year's Thanksgiving break will be a reunion of sorts for me to catch up with my family and friends once I'm out of this podunk town, as hard as that is to currently imagine. I just hope that today's research goes well and that I'll finally be able to find some insight as to why Jonny and Plank have severed ties. I'm still planning to go on Stratpe tonight to talk with Rikki and Juan, although I hope they won't mind if I'm a tad bit late._

 **XxXxX**

On Thanksgiving day many small businesses around Peach Creek were closed for the holiday, yet the used car lot of _McGee's Motors_ was not one of these establishments. Peach Creek's shopping district at first glance looked completely barren save for _McGee's Motors_ , and there was no traffic at all aside from a hybrid car that sped down the street. The vehicle carelessly splashed Ed with mud, but didn't get rid of the big smile on his face as Ed kept twirling around a comically large red arrow that pointed at the used car lot with, _"Big Thanksavings Sale Today!"_ written on it. The used car lot had plenty of automobiles on display, with some eye-catching promotions such as, "Buy One Get One: No Money Down!" and "No Record? No Problem!" Eddy was making sure these cheap cars were shining with freshly applied wax while his older brother was soullessly cleaning the already spotless windows of the dealership's main building.

Eddy was sulking and grumbling as he leisurely waxed the top of a beige Oldsmobile Cutlass. "Dad, we've been open since six and nobody's showed up!" In frustration, Eddy chucked his bottle of wax into the street, exploding on impact which awed Ed. "At this rate we won't have turkey til eight!"

Stomping out from the office came a gigantic middle-aged man who stood a head taller than Eddy, and bore a striking resemblance to him and his brother. He puffed on a beat up cigar, and removed it with a chubby hand adorned with pyrite rings, making sure not to get any ash on his yellow plaid suit. "God bless it boys, don't ya know anything about capitalism?" he asked, literally blowing out smoke. "You need to do things competitors don't!"

Eddy's brother looked over with a smirk. "So you thought it would be a good idea to start the Black Friday sale on Thursday dad?" He threw down his rag and spray bottle, approaching his father. "You know, when the only people in-town right now are going to McNasty's for some shit fast food?"

"Exactly!" Eddy's father grabbed a lighter from his eldest son's pant's pocket as he ignited another cigar, much to his son's protest. "It's a dog eat dog world out there boys, so you gotta make sure you and your pack always play your cards right!"

Eddy sighed, turning his attention towards Ed. "Hey monobrow, see any potential customers?"

"Do potential customers need to be people?

Eddy face-palmed. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm gonna late for dinner with May and her sisters if I stand out here all day!"

"You'll stand there by the road and twirl that sign til the sun's down Ed!" Eddy's dad shouted as he crammed the lighter back into his oldest son's pocket, bursting straight through it like a bullet. "You aren't running away from work again!"

"Yes sir Mr. Eddy's Dad!" Ed went back to twirling the sign, and even started doing a little jig.

Eddy's dad grinned, showing off his yellow-stained teeth. "You see that kids?" He threw his arm over his eldest child's shoulder and signaled for Eddy to come closer, which he did. "Why can't you two be enthusiastic about work like Ed?"

"Because we're not retarded," his oldest son bluntly stated.

The shit-eating grin on his face suddenly shifted to a sharp grimace. "That remark's coming out of your paycheck, bucko." With that being sad, Eddy's dad walked back into the office as the ground shook with every heavy step he took.

"Woah dad, that's bullshit!" Eddy's brother complained and followed after his dad inside.

Eddy sighed at his brother's behavior for the one-thousandth time and walked over to the sidewalk, tapping Ed on the shoulder. "Hey Ed, I need to ask you something."

Ed kept spinning around the arrow-sign like a machine. "Yeah sorry Eddy, but there wasn't enough memory left on the GameStation4, so I deleted 'Duty Calls: The Calm Before the Storm' for 'Damn I Love Dying Souls 2."

"What the fuck Ed, I was just about to hit level six prestige and-" Eddy realized he was letting this minor inconvenience get in the way with what he really needed to ask his best friend, so he set the issue and his anger aside for the time being. "Be straight with me here Ed: do you think I should forgive Double-D?"

Ed froze and dropped the sign, stepping on it so the wind wouldn't pick it up. "Um ... well it's your-"

"Don't give me that shit Ed!" Now Eddy began to raise his voice. "I know it's my choice, I just want your opinion on it."

Ed bent over and picked up the sign as he resumed repeatedly rotating it. "But of course Eddy, that way Ed, Double-D and Eddy will be the bestest of buds once more!" Then Ed's face morphed from naive, child-like innocence to a serious, tempered look of contempt. "You owe him Eddy, Double-D's forgiven you for treating him like shit and he's been working really hard to redeem himself to you."

"I get that, part of me just wants nothing to do with him you know," Eddy confessed as he sat down on the cold, gray asphalt that blended in with the cloud-covered sky. "I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, sweatin' like hell."

"Is that why you sit in the shower for cosmic light years at four in the morning?"

"What the fuck, you knew about that?"

"The walls tell me you've lost control of your life."

Eddy got up and flung his arm up, smacking Ed's face with the back of his hand. Ed's head spun around, letting out a mere chuckle as Eddy grunted, heading back to the car he was waxing. At the same time, his brother walked out of the dealership building, grumbling after getting a lecture from their dad. Eddy's brother noticed Eddy pouting, which brightened up his mood as he laughed at his little brother's frustration. "Having a little pent up anger pipsqueak?" He walked closer to his little brother. "Need someone to talk to?"

Eddy gave his brother the middle finger. "Fuck off bro, like you'd give a shit about me and my problems!"

"Hey, give me some credit, I've heard enough from you and some little birds around town." He pulled out a flask of whiskey and took a sip. "So, you still can't get over your ex-girlfriend trying to fuck ya?"

Eddy's eyes widened with shock. "What the fuck? How'd — Whatever, he tried giving me a blowjob, not a home run."

"From the way he stood up to me for your baby ass, I'm surprised you never knew he loved ya." He shook his flask around to stir up the alcohol. "I think everyone but you saw that."

"Hey, I did see it!" Eddy's brother knew he was going to be in for a mouthful after that defensive outburst. "I knew about Double-D's crush on me and I didn't say a damn thing about it because I just didn't want to deal with breaking his heart or some stupid shit like that. Sockhead would've gotten all emotional and then everyone would've known about it anyway, and then where would he be? This was back when Kevin would joke about us getting married or making us kiss each other, so they'd never let us forget that he was gay for me."

Eddy's brother paused a moment before taking a shot of whiskey from his flask after hearing what Eddy told him. "Wait, that jock made you two kiss before? Might wanna see if he's still in the closet."

"I doubt it, he was just being a douche back then," Eddy informed him. "Trust me bro, Kev enjoys fucking girls too much to be gay."

The two stopped talking for a bit and leaned up against a rusty pick-up that was being sold far more than what it was worth. Eddy's brother then gave his younger sibling a slap on the shoulder. "Hey, I'll let you in a little family secret pipsqueak: mom and dad had bets on you turning out gay or not."

Eddy glared at him with disgust. "Yeah fucking right, I know dad's a huge bigot, but they never thought I was actually gay, right?"

"There was that time when you took a pair of mom's high heels..."

"Hey, I just wanted to be taller!"

Eddy's brother chuckled, taking out a cigarette and a zippo from his coat-pocket and lit up. "And lo' and behold, you got taller than me pipsqueak, congrats!"

Eddy looked down onto the lifeless, filthy concrete. "Hey bro, can you be serious for a bit?"

Eddy's brother stopped laughing, which always had a sinister feeling whenever he cut to being serious so fast. "I ain't selling you any of my stash if that's what this is."

"No not that, I just need your opinion on something." A part of Eddy felt like puking, asking his older brother of all people for advice. "What should I do after high school, just work like you?"

Eddy's brother let out a hardy chortle, nearly dropping his cigarette until he barely caught it, fumbling. "You seriously think after mom and dad kicked me out that I instantly went to work at Mondo A-Go-Go?" Eddy nodded his head as his brother sighed and took in a deep breath of nicotine. "Fuck no little bro, I traveled the world! I did shit you'll probably never do!"

"Like what?"

Eddy's brother tapped his square jaw. "Let's see now, I went overseas, had lots of sex, fucked up a few dicks, more sex, even went to Iraq for a bit without enlisting just to check out that shithole, did lots of drugs in South America, had a blast in the outback, and that's just the tip of the iceberg! Shit pipsqueak, I could publish a whole book based on my adventures if I was in the mood! Just don't tell mom or dad."

"You really expect me to believe that crap after all the lies you told me?" His big brother just shrugged his shoulders, not really caring if Eddy believed him or not. Eddy coughed and then finally asked what was on his mind all day. "So hey bro, you think me not telling Double-D about knowing his crush on me made him well, you know?"

"Fuck no," his brother responded without hesitation. "At that point you'd be apologizing for shit he did. That was all him being a fag, not you pipsqueak."

"Well, I dunno what else to think that doesn't make me want to straight up hate my friend." His brother gave him a perplexed look as he continued to smoke. "You know how we're told to hate rapists and make sure they register as sex offenders so the rest of their life sucks? Like those creeps aren't worth trusting or helping? Yeah, my therapist was saying something about that. She didn't know if Double-D was an exception to that stick-ma or not since I didn't tell her everything..."

"What'cha leave out exactly to confuse the shrink?"

"I guess I wasn't comfortable with being specific," Eddy told him, seeing an old pop can right next to him and kicking it across the lot. "I forgot to mention the fact he sucked me in my sleep. All I said was that he sexually assaulted me, no extra details."

"Hm, yeah, I can see how that'd befuddle the shrink..." Eddy's brother spat out his finished cig onto the cool gray, cracked pavement and stomped it out. "Still, I think you should just confront him one-on-one already you pussy. If you're worried about him doing anything or you freaking out on him, just get me and the rest of your dumb friends as covert back-up or something so-"

"Hey!" The two hastily turned around to see their father marching out from the dealership looking pretty pissed off. "Are you two just playing with your dicks or what? Get back to work or we're not having turkey till midnight!"

Eddy quickly grabbed a near-by broom and began haphazardly sweeping while his brother rushed inside to organize files. Ed began moving in double-time to make it look like he was working even harder to impress Eddy's dad. It was a crying-shame there wasn't an audience to see this spectacular performance of hard work and little pay. Mr. McGee chuckled, decently satisfied with his boys' work ethic, and went back inside to retreat within his office to kick-back and relax. It was the holiday's after all, and Eddy's father felt no pressure to really work on Thanksgiving day.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 10:33 AM - Entry 2:** Jonny just sent me a text message suggesting that I come over early. I asked Jonny if he wanted me to bring Plank along as well, and in response he asked if I've gotten him to speak yet. I told him that I've been unable to make any breakthroughs, so Jonny said to bring him along anyway since Plank apparently loves family gatherings. I think must have I left Plank somewhere plastic-wrapped in one of my filing cabinets for the past two weeks. I should confess right now that I wonder if I've went too far humoring Jonny's plea for help. Sometimes I wonder if I should become more apathetic to my neighbors' problems, considering their past track records. Ooh, my blood's starting to boil remembering the time they ransacked my house for school supplies like a band of pillaging marauders! Before I lose my temper and turn what's supposed to be a research journal into a long-winded rant, I should finish preparing to leave for Jonny's house soon._

 **XxXxX**

"Nazz, dinner's ready!" yelled Nazz's mother from the kitchen right on cue with the buzzing timer. She quickly put on a pair of oven mitts and opened up the oven, carefully pulling out a family-sized Hawaiian pizza topped with thin slices of Canadian bacon and fresh pineapple. Her sister, Nazz's aunt Marion, was also present today for Thanksgiving. Despite her heavyset figure with a round face to compliment it, Nazz's aunt hastily set up the kitchen table with plates, utensils and beverages, not wasting anytime nor breaking a sweat.

"I'm coming mom!" Nazz shouted back as she eagerly rushed downstairs and into the kitchen. She sat on a spare lawn-chair while Nazz's aunt took her usual spot at the kitchen table. Her mom placed the Hawaiian pizza in the center of the table, and began to cut pieces up into twelfths as Nazz and her aunt Marion had their eyes widen with hunger. Side-by-side Nazz and her mom looked more like sisters rather than mother and daughter, with the only major physical differences being that Nazz's mother wore glasses and her daughter had colorfully dyed hair.

"I suppose I should say grace," Marion said as Nazz and her mother nodded, clasping their hands together with closed eyes. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest, and let these gifts to us be blessed. Amen!"

After the short prayer, the three women each grabbed a piece of pizza as they dug into their meal with forks and knifes. "I can't believe it's just the three of us here," Nazz's mother commented as she slowly cut up her slice of pizza.

"Yeah, it's too bad my kids are overseas right now Jasmine," Marion replied as she dipped her pizza in thick ranch. "We'll be sure to Stratpe them later once they get up."

"Oh yeah, they live in like a different time zone," Nazz stated while taking a bite out of her pizza, a string of cheese dangling from her mouth. "It's just really a bummer that grandpa and grandma aren't here anymore..."

The atmosphere turned null as the Thanksgiving dinner suddenly became awfully quiet. There wasn't even a chewing sound and the silence wasn't broken for several seconds until Marion decided to shatter it by telling her sister, "At least mom was still around once you became a Winters again."

"I really wish I got it changed back from Van Fartenshmeer to Winters sooner," Jasmine regretfully said as she sipped some fine French wine. She gently set down her glass and turned her attention towards Nazz. "I would've had it switched right away for you if the courts weren't so adamant about having that asshole's surname."

"What kind of last name is 'Van Fartenshmeer' anyway mom?"

"A humorless, terrible one that should never be brought up again."

"Alright, the last thing I want is a bunch of bitter bickering on Thanksgiving!" Marion exclaimed, squeezing more course ranch onto her pizza, the white dipping sauce oozing off her plate. Nazz's mother sighed and took another drink from her beverage, this time chugging down the wine with the intention to forget. "Nazz, how's babysitting these days?"

"Was going good, but lately I haven't had any offers these days, like not even from families I've always babysat for," Nazz informed her aunt, chugging down some soda followed by a boisterous burp. Her face blushed from slight embarrassment, giggling before her mood whipped back into being drab. "Not really sure why, but it's not cool."

Jasmine and Marion gazed at each other with dumbfounded blank faces. They each glared at Nazz's chaotically dyed hair, each making mental notes on how gaudy each of the four different colors clashed. The asymmetry of the shades, strange choice of colors to mash together and the overall unevenness of it all was incredibly distracting to say the least. "Well . . . maybe it's the holidays hun," Nazz's mom lied as she tried her hardest not to crack, sipping even more wine. "Yeah, just wait till January comes 'round the corner!"

"If you say so mom."

"So Nazz," Marion got her niece's attention again, continuing to eat leftover chunks of pineapple that slid off her pizza. "Do you have any plans after high school?"

As if Nazz was zapped by lightning, Nazz dropped her silverware, taking in a deep breath and she pressed both hands against her head, elbows resting on the table. She knew this topic was inevitable, but still dreaded discussing it nonetheless. "Well college obviously," Nazz answered, nervously rubbing the indigo and celadon colored parts of her hair, sweat getting on her hands. "I really don't know where and what for."

"Oh don't worry about it Nazz," her aunt reassured, placing a hand on Nazz's shoulder. "Jasmine and I had no idea what we wanted to do with our lives when we were your age, and we're doing fine now."

"Yeah, but that was like ages ago when there was a ton more opportunities and college cost nothing!" Nazz's voice grew louder and more worrisome, her body shaking with anxiety. Her head thrust down, arms tightly wrapped around her cranium as Nazz found some comfort in shutting out the rest of the world. "I have no idea what I want to do with my life and everyone else I know already knows what they wanna do! Rolf's gonna keep ranching, Eddy will probably take over his dad's dealership and-"

"Nazz, nothing is set in stone for them or you!" her mother cried out, also placing a hand on her daughter's other shoulder. "People change their minds about what they want to do in life all the time. Believe me when I say that so many of those kids in your class are not going to be where they think they'll end up five years from now. It's alright to not know, you're still young and can go out to explore the world and see if there's anywhere you'd like settling down. Remember that you always have me and Marion if anything happens."

Looking up, Nazz smiled and wiped her face with a used greasy napkin. "Really?" she sniffled.

"Yes, now come on, let's not make this Thanksgiving a real bummer," Marion told her niece as she whipped out her smart phone that was jammed in her pants' pocket. "We gotta get ready for some Black Friday shopping tonight!"

"Oh yeah, I totally forgot!" Nazz yelled, lashing out a pair of nun-chucks, swinging them around with power and precision. She bolted upwards, standing on her lawn-chair seat as Nazz kept twirling her nun-chucks with ease. "These rad nun-chucks so came in handy last year!"

"Those nun-chucks are cute Nazz, but a Bō staff is what really helps drive back those crowds!" Jasmine informed her daughter. She reached behind the refrigerator to pull out an impressive six foot long wooden pole. Her thrusts, swings and blunt strikes nearly destroyed the kitchen, but the amount of skill displayed with her demonstration of the weapon made up for the destructiveness.

"That's nothing sis!" Marion yelled as she rushed out to her car. After a couple minutes Nazz's aunt came back into the house sporting a fireproof suit and an X15 flamethrower. "We're gonna get the best and only the best deals tonight ladies!"

The Winters family spent the rest of Thanksgiving practicing with their weapons, preparing themselves for the bloodbath at dusk known as Black Friday.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 11:42 AM - Entry 3:** I'm now about to leave my house for Jonny's abode. I've prepped myself by dressing well, writing up a number of topic cards to use during dinner, and prepared a dish of my family's classic coleslaw recipe as my contribution to the Thanksgiving meal. Although Jonny's family is vegetarian and not vegan, I still made the coleslaw with the idea of the latter just to play things safe and hopefully not cause any offense. With a Tupperware dish in one hand and Plank in the other, I now step outside and head for the Woods' family residence. If I don't learn anything today about why Jonny and Plank's relationship has weakened during my absence, there's a high possibility I'll never come to a scientific conclusion._

 **XxXxX**

There was nothing more soothing than listening to some "Lovely Ludwig Van" while typing away trying to write a five page essay due after Thanksgiving Break. Jimmy isolated himself away in the confines of his room, staring intently at every word he created with classical music blaring from his headphones. It was a constant battle of sound, with Beethoven's sympathy waging war against the obnoxious roaring of Jimmy's relatives from the rest of his house. He kept raising the volume on his computer, with Jimmy accepting the fact that he might ironically go deaf from listening to Beethoven in preference to his own flesh and blood. "Goddamn I hate Thanksgiving!"

Suddenly his doorknob violently shook as if it was being hit by an earthquake, and Jimmy turned to his door like a prairie dog would from spotting a hawk. "Hey, whadda fuck you doin' in dare Jimbo?" Several rage-induced smashing hits landed on Jimmy's wooden door, with bits of splinters and paint chips hastily falling. There was a short pause and Jimmy took in a deep sigh of relief until a crowbar found itself lodged between the door and the frame. Within a few seconds Jimmy didn't have a functioning door to his room anymore, and instead had a thirty-something hideous, balding, hulking ogre of a redneck cousin standing in the entrance to his room instead. "Da hell you fuckin' doin' here Jimbo, chokin' yer chicken?"

"If you don't mind Garth, I'm trying to finish up this paper for school," Jimmy informed his cousin as he kept pressing his fingers on each key, giving back his attention towards his homework.

"Come on Jimbo, it's Thanksgiving, you needa be spendin' it wit' your family 'n not cooped up in here like a damn bird," Garth complained as he made his way towards the computer. He loomed over Jimmy to see what business he had, pushing his cousin aside to browse Jimmy's essay. "What'cha even writin' 'bout anyway boy?"

"Well Garth, to tell you the truth-"

"Whadda the fuck is dis shit?" Garth bellowed, hammering Jimmy's keyboard with his fist as several letters were scattered everywhere after the initial explosion of anger. "You're written' some real fuckin' liberal crap here Jimbo: "Strong ev-i-dence humans ar' responsible fer global warming,' 'greatest human-i-tarian crisis uff our time, 'carbon poll-lou-ton." Oh sweet Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick Jimmy, you can't actually believe dis bullshit!"

Jimmy stepped back frantically, tripping over one of his old stuffed animals. His cousin was about to have a volcanic, choleric meltdown, and Jimmy needed to think fast before there could be a massive, catastrophic eruption of conservative rhetoric. "The school's biased Garth, I swear!" Jimmy pleaded as he continued to scoot back up against his wall. His cousin's steam began to simmer as a Jimmy could see an opening of hope, and like a sniper Jimmy had to make sure he had his target marked through his scope of lies. "You can't pass a single course there if you don't regurgitate their liberal garbage! I tried saying that global warming isn't real but my teacher said that if I didn't say otherwise, I'd fail!"

Garth stood still, emotionless with a blank-face and it scared Jimmy. In a couple of second's Jimmy's fear was justified as his older cousin punched a hole through his wall, shaking the entire house. Drywall and dust flew everywhere as Garth screamed at the heavens, "Fucking liberals!"

"Now just what in tarnation is all this ruckus up here?" asked Jimmy's uncle Benjamin, who came walking by to see the commotion. Square-jawed with the physique of a circus strongman and a full head of gold-blond hair, this mighty lupine of a man looked twenty years younger than he actually was.

"You won't fuckin' believe what Jimbo's school is makin' him learn dad!" Garth roared, pointing at Jinmy's computer. "Check out dis commie crap dey're forcin' him to shit out!"

Benjamin sat down at Jimmy's desk and scrolled through his essay, reading it from the top and steadily analyzing it. While Garth kept jabbing his finger at the computer screen, screaming obscenities at every little thing that bothered him, Jimmy felt powerless. The last time he could remember feeling this weak and helpless was last year's Thanksgiving dinner, and the year before that as well. "If only mother and father let me visit Felix and Fritz," Jimmy thought as he got up, clinging to his bedpost for comfort.

"Jimmy," his uncle stoically said, getting Jimmy's attention. "Did the school really make you write this? You can be honest here boy, we're family and understanding."

Jimmy had to hold back making a verbal retort at that lie, but he had to respond anyway. "Yes," he gulped, shaking as his grasp grew tighter.

"I see." Benjamin spun around in Jimmy's chair for a bit, gazing up at his ceiling. He rested his feet on Jimmy's desk and told his son, "Garth, your old man needs to have a one-on-one talk with Jimmy. The game should be starting soon anyway, and you don't want to miss that son."

"Nothin' more American dan seein' eagles 'n cowboys playin' da best damn sport ever," Garth commented as he waltzed out from Jimmy's room, continuing to make obnoxious noises comparable to a troglodyte.

Jimmy sat motionless on his bed as it was just him and his uncle in the room. The two stared silently at each other for what seemed like hours to Jimmy. There was something about his uncle's relaxed demeanor that instilled more terror into Jimmy than Garth's ballistic behavior. "Jimmy, have you ever wondered why you've always been my favorite nephew?" Jimmy shook his head no, lacking the confidence to verbally say it. "It's because you, your father and I are the only ones in this fucking family with any damn brains!"

Jimmy laughed nervously, unsure if to respond modestly or with pride. He did sigh in relief that his uncle didn't seem mad at him, as it was rare he received any sort of praise from his harsh family. "Was my essay any good Uncle Benjamin?" Jimmy asked anxiously, seeking more approval. "I've been writing it for the past week."

"From an academic viewpoint it meets all the criteria: it's well-written, has good, trusted sources, nicely organized, coherent, great use of quotations and all that jazz." Jimmy smiled and even let out a quiet squeal in joy. But that quickly changed when he saw his uncle suddenly putting the essay in the recycle bin of his computer and deleting it. Jimmy's jaw dropped, sullen and shocked, nearly exploding in rage that several pages of writing were now gone, unable to be recovered. "Unfortunately Jimmy, it's not good if the CEO of Conch Oil has his nephew spilling the beans about global warming."

Sure Jimmy still had a few days to create a new essay for school, but that didn't change how on the inside, he was absolutely furious about losing all his work. Sadly for him, Jimmy couldn't show his ire, that wouldn't end well for him at all. So he took a deep breath and whimpered, "But why?"

"Contrary to what the media says Jimmy, those who lean to the right aren't always retarded like Garth." Benjamin rolled himself closer to Jimmy, sternly glaring at his timid nephew. "See Jimmy, I know global warming's real, but if too much of the general population begins to believe it, then that jeopardizes my livelihood. So many people in this country- no, world are willfully ignorant sheep who need shepherds so they're not led astray. Do you know why Garth is a measly franchise owner of some restaurants while I'm in charge of the North American subsidiary of an incredibly powerful oil and gas company? It's because I don't rely on being reckless zealot like my son, instead I combine ruthlessness with cunning, and without that I wouldn't be where I am today."

Jimmy gulped as his muscles tightened, growing far more tense. "I can be crafty Uncle Ben," he pleaded, no longer shaking but still full of anxiety.

"I bet you think so Jimmy," Benjamin replied as he continued to spin around in his nephew's chair. "Sure, despite that effeminate exterior of yours, you think you're hot shit right now. Let me guess, you have a decent social standing in school for the moment, maybe even managed to rough up one punkass with some help from your pals? Well it takes a hell of a lot more than that to get ahead in the real world Jimmy. I could go on for hours about my climb up the corporate ladder, and let me tell you boy: it's fucking ugly. Crude, smelly, audacious, definitely scandalous, shit Jimmy, the stuff I've had to get involved in makes your father's work look tame in comparison. I've ruined so many lives, I've lost track decades ago, but today I think I'll need to add another to that list."

Benjamin pulled out his smartphone and called up one of his associates on speed-dial. "What are you doing Uncle Ben?"

"Hush Jimmy, I'm teaching you and your teacher a valuable lesson," he hastily informed his nephew. "Hey Ronald, sorry to call up on Thanksgiving like this, but I need you to dig up some dirt on a Mr. Christenson. He's my nephew's English teacher at Peach Creek High and I need him removed from his position. No, don't kill this guy; just find a way to get him fired so he never teaches another day in his life again. It doesn't have to be done today; I know you've been itching to spend some time with the wife and kids. Just make sure you have it done by Monday, thanks."

Jimmy's jaw dropped after his uncle ended the call. "He was my favorite teacher at that shithole Uncle Ben!" It took every ounce of willpower not to strangle his uncle for that malevolent act, and even more strength not to cry.

"That was just a low key example of what real power is boy." Benjamin firmly pulled Jimmy off his bed, escorting himself and his nephew from the room. "Let's get outta that cavern you call a bedroom and discuss some more business outside. I think I'll even round up your father too. You might not have school today Jimmy, but your old man and I are gonna teach you more about life than any shit academic curriculum could. Might wanna use the bathroom first, we'll be outside talking for a while."

As Benjamin descended down the stairs, Jimmy made his way into the bathroom. He didn't have to use the toilet, but the privacy provided him space to let it all out. Tears rushed down like a dam exploding as Jimmy pounded the sink, creating bloody wounds on his fists. He couldn't even bear to look at himself in the mirror; for all Jimmy saw was a weak, pathetic, liberal-minded lamb left in the hands of mercy at his family of wolves.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 12:37 PM - Entry 4:** Jonny was kind enough to invite me inside his home while his parents were busy preparing a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner. His parents appreciated the coleslaw I brought over and set it in their fridge to have later today. It had occurred to me that I haven't stepped foot inside Jonny's house since that Arbor Day party he orchestrated during my sixth grade year. If I can remember correctly, that ended with Jonny and Ed passing out from nonstop singing and dancing, with Eddy and I escaping that torment around four in the morning, on a school night no less. I don't recall seeing Ed, Jonny or Eddy the following day at school, the three probably being far too exhausted after that awkward event, although I was fairly tired myself. Not as sleepy as the time I spent fourteen hours and seven minutes creating that toothpick replica of the Golden Gate Bridge, but still fairly groggy._

 _I have to applaud Jonny's parents for being surprisingly kind and patient with Ed, Eddy, and I even after we destroyed their house on at least one occasion. It was a miracle that incident never resulted in us three personally being prosecuted, although I do believe our families settled outside of court and are still paying for damages. Jonny's parents informed me that dinner will be ready in about roughly an hour, so for now Jonny and I are entertaining ourselves with a rather bizarre "anime dating game" he has on Smoke. Lord knows what Eddy would think of an avian dating simulator, considering how he strongly detests birds. Speaking of smoke, it might be my imagination but the atmosphere in Jonny's house seems a bit hazy. Maybe it's some sort of new-age incense?_

 **XxXxX**

Kevin and his father feasted upon the Korean cuisine cooked up for them by his dad's fiancée. The meat, rice, noodles, and steamed vegetables were so sweet and spicy, tasting incredibly succulent and exotic to their mouths. They sat at the kitchen table eating away, their plates still full of food while the dish in-between theirs was empty, save for some leftover sauce. While Kevin and his father could stay home and relax on Thanksgiving, the same couldn't be said for his dad's fiancée who was getting ready for work now. "Oh man Sue, this is so freakin' unreal!" Kevin's dad shouted to his future wife. If you took Kevin and added eighty pounds of fat, moved all the hair on his head over to his back and shoulders, and splattered freckles everywhere, you had his father.

He elbowed his son the chest, with Kevin spitting up some food while his dad gestured him to give his fiancée a compliment. "Yeah, this is pretty good!" Kevin yelled, coughing a bit after the quick jab. Granted he thought the meal was a bit weird, but Kevin couldn't remember the last time he had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner that involved a stuffed turkey.

"Don't get used to it you two!" she shouted from the second floor. Sue rushed downstairs in her wrinkleless navy blue police uniform, sporting a tight military bun complimenting the color of her apparel. Her sharp chin pointed downwards as Sue clicked together the sternum strap of her duty belt. She hustled into the kitchen with a disciplined form, her short, athletic column-shaped figure and tan skin making for quite the physical contrast with her fiancé.

"Man, it really flippin' sucks you gotta work on Thanksgiving babe!" Kevin's father groaned while stuffing his face with rice. "You're gonna miss out on me and Kevin relaxing, watching the game, making some bets on said game in our fantasy football leagues, having a couple of drinks-"

"I'm gonna cut you off right there Erik and pretend I didn't hear you offering alcohol to a minor." Sue pressed her index finger on her fiancé's lips as Kevin lightly chortled. She did a quick check on her duty belt to make sure everything was in its place. Taser, pepper spray, baton, radio, gloves, keys, flashlight, two sets of handcuffs, magazine pouches and a lighter than average Glock. The weight of the Glock gave Sue a perplexed look as she checked the inside of the magazine: empty. "Alright, which one of you chucklefucks played around with my Glock again?"

Without a moment's notice, Erik jumped up and pointed blame at his son. "Kevin that is very freakin' irresponsible and wrong to play with Sue's Glock like that!"

"Oh don't throw me under the bus dad!" Kevin slammed his fists on the kitchen table, sending most of the food flying upwards, some splatting onto the wooden floor. "You're the one who fucking shot the shit outta the target yesterday!"

"I have no flippin' idea what the hell you're talkin' about Kev, you must be uh, delusional or something!" Kevin pushed the fridge aside to pull out a hole-ridden target in the shape of a human silhouette. None of the shots were even close to the head or heart however, with many covering the target's sides instead. "Woah now son, now you're pulling some sort of Iran-Contra false flag operation on me or something!"

Sue whipped out her baton and smashed it against the kitchen table. A decent fissure was formed that went from the edge to the table's center. "That's enough you two!" Sue screamed, putting her baton back into its holder while Kevin and his father stared at her in silence. She checked the magazine clips in the pouches of her duty belt, and sighed with relief that they still had ammunition inside them. "You know, I get a lot of domestic violence calls on Thanksgiving, and don't even get me started about the hell on earth that's Black Friday. Erik, I love you, but God help me if you ever pull this shit again."

"Alright, I promise babe, sorry for making things unsafe and stuff," Erik apologized, wiping his face of food as he went in to kiss his fiancée. Kevin rolled his eyes as Sue kissed her fiancé back, only to gain a smirk on his face as his dad followed up on that kiss with a slap to her ass.

"Are you serious Erik, right in front of Kevin?" Kevin and his father could barely contain their laughter as Sue's face turned firetruck red. "God, no wonder he's such a fuck-boy!"

"Hey!" Kevin quickly grew defensive at that comment. "I'm no fuck-boy!"

Kevin then immediately backed up against the kitchen wall as Sue got directly into his face. His father just stood there watching, a bit unnerved at his fiancée's sudden bout of enmity. "When you constantly sleep with girls as if they're just objects to satisfy your horny, teenage urges, that makes you the walking definition of a fuck-boy." Kevin gulped and glanced over at his dad, who merely shook and shrugged his orange carpet-covered shoulders. "What I wouldn't give to be a drill sergeant again just to whip you into real shape. You know Kevin, a lot of hot-shits just like you come into the military, thinking just because they have a six-pack that basic will be a breeze. They don't realize that punks like you are the first to crack and start bawling in the middle of night. You might be physically fit, but you don't have what it mentally takes to survive any of the branches, especially the Marines."

As Kevin kept shaking in fear Sue walked off and slammed the door, causing the entire house to wobble. For a few seconds Kevin and his father just stood there in silence, too hesitant to move. That was until Kevin could shake no more and like a bomb finally going off, Kevin exploded with rage, malevolently flipping the table and sending every bit of food being catapulted towards the wall. Kevin aggressively breathed like an animal and was smoking like an overheated hot-rod. "Who the fuck does that bitch think she is?" Kevin roared as he grabbed his chair by the legs and smashed it against the upside-down table, obliterating it into pieces.

"Hey Kevin, you need to freakin' get your shit together and simmer down!" Kevin's dad boomed back at his son. Kevin snapped out of his anger, but continued to breathe with emphasis. Erik walked up to his son and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I know Sue can be pretty assertive at times, but she cares Kevin, she really cares. It's my bad I got her stressed out, and I'm sorry for pulling a Bill Belichick on ya. Sue doesn't just love me Kevin, she loves you too. Heck, just between you and me son, I'm pretty sure love's gotta be the reason why Sue hasn't left me like every other woman I've tried having a thing with after your mom passed on. Trust me Kev, I wouldn't of proposed to her if I didn't think it was for the best, for the both of us! Plus in bed Sue's-"

"Okay dad I get it, please don't tell me about you and Sue's sex life again." Kevin carefully stepped over the mess he created and grabbed some cleaning supplies from under the kitchen sink. As Kevin began scrubbing off food from the walls and cabinets, he looked to his dad and proclaimed, "I bet you aren't getting any tonight."

"Yeah, that's basically a given." Erik decided to join in the restoration to his kitchen as he picked up the table so it could stand again. "Game don't start for awhile, but I figure we should hustle anyway."

"Thanks dad." Kevin smiled and continued scouring the kitchen while his dad made repairs to the broken table and chair. Overall this Thanksgiving wasn't so bad for Kevin compared to previous years. Despite Sue's strictness, she was a lot better than most of the women his father had went out with before. Not that Kevin wanted to discuss that right now, him and his father had a kitchen to clean so they could drink and relax to some Thanksgiving football soon.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 1:45 PM - Entry 5:** Thanksgiving dinner has been served. Jonny's family brought out a large platter of vegetables, many of which I'm surprised they'd have for Thanksgiving. Beets, radishes, rutabaga, cilantro, kale leaves, nappa cabbage and several other locally grown vegetables were present and accounted for. Granted, it's not uncommon for people to buying those vegetables in the area, especially from Yeson's, but to make such a grand feast with them is certainly impressive. Ooh, just bringing up my place of work reminds me of several bemusing events I've witnessed there, but I can't get get side-tracked with my notes right now, I'll have to save those tales for another time._

 _I found out where the haze was coming from as well. It turns out that Jonny's parents smoke, and their preference appears to be . . . well, I'm not too sure. Something about it reminds me of marijuana, but it doesn't smell anything like what Ed and Eddy smoke, or the kind that Rikki, Juan, and I experimented with back in Canada. Although in my childhood I was incredibly anti-drug thanks to the D.A.R.E. propaganda we've received in schools, now I hold a more neutral, borderline favorable stance on narcotics. I'm not really too keen on using marijuana myself, but I do see the medical advantages it carries and I would not be against it if this redneck town ever gained a medical marijuana facility. Plus, I believe legalizing it could help control the substance more than the government's counter-productive, mishandled "War on Drugs," and its attempts at policing anything resembling marijuana. But alas, enough about my personal opinions, they're irrelevant to the research I'm trying to conduct._

 _I tried inquiring as to what Jonny's parents were smoking, but both of them kept dodging my question in a calm and collected tone, switching the conversation to whatever was on my topic cards (they slipped out from my pocket, which his parents were greatly amused by). The two are very relaxed in contrast to Jonny's hyperactivity, his mother especially as she told me (several times) that she hasn't had anxiety in years. His father seemed more interested in eating the vegetables that he prepared. Both of them are also quite skinny, even more so than Jonny, and I wonder if this is because of their vegetarian lifestyle or if they all have high metabolisms. Either way, Jonny's parents seem to have a happy, liberal and interracial marriage despite Peach Creek's conservative deep south atmosphere._

 **XxXxX**

In the Park 'n Flush trailer park, Ed found himself inside the Kanker's mobile home celebrating Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family. He sat next to Marie on the Kanker's living room couch as the two watched "Pepsin Man Saves Thanksgiving," or rather, Ed was near-hypnotized by the show while Marie slouched back editing videos on her phone. "So, what's May making us for dinner?" Ed abruptly asked once the special went to a commercial break. "I can't wait for round two of Thanksgiving!"

Marie let out a small cackle as she told Ed, "We're having the finest in microwavable junk from our local Want*More, plus some leftovers May brought home from Big Jim's."

"Yum, my favorite!" Just then, the two then heard footsteps coming from the stairs and turned their heads to see Lee decked out in what appeared to be SWAT-gear body armor. Of course it wasn't authentic tactical gear, but instead a makeshift outfit that looked like it was created in only a few hours. Her getup consisted of an old paintball outfit with a padded jacket, urban camo pants, Lee's junkyard boots, Marie's dark skull-faced ski mask, Ed's old lineman gloves for football, safety glasses and an old spray-painted black bike helmet that formerly belonged to May. "Why is Lee wearing May's helmet?" Ed questioned at seeing Lee's apparel.

Marie laughed at her sister's outfit and took a picture with her phone. "Wow Lee, forget your badge with all that shit?" she mocked, snapping a few more photos of Lee.

Lee yanked off the ski mask and gasped for air before snarling at her sister. "Can it Marie, my boss wants me in riot gear for tonight's shit show," Lee said, wiping sweat off her forehead. "Want*More's gonna get crazy once the Black Friday sale starts."

"Ooh, what are they selling this year?" Ed asked in wonder.

"Eh, the usual: TVs, toys, furniture, appliances and a bunch of other crap," Lee listed off. "They even got some of those Teen Horse Girls on sale."

"I once recorded a huge nerd punting a kid for one of those," Marie snidely remarked. "That video just broke into the seven digit figures last night!"

"Oh Lee, can you please try to get me an Outgoing Orange figure?" Ed pleaded, getting on his knees and clasping his hands together. "She's my favorite Teen Horse Girl!"

Lee shoved Ed back onto the couch, nearly dry-heaving in disgust. "Get it yourself big boy, I ain't gonna lose my job over a dumb little girl toy."

"Hey Lee!" May yelled from the kitchen. "Are you eating with us tonight?"

Lee looked at her watch and shouted back, "Can't, gotta jet right now!" She hustled over to the door, grabbing her jacket as she ran out to her run-down pickup. "Save me some for tomorrow!" Lee roared as she high-tailed it out from the trailer park.

With Lee out of the household now, Ed turned to Marie and queried, "Uh, so, how's your guys' mom doing today?"

Marie shrugged and whipped out her phone to check some recent text messages. "Well big guy, she's thankful again this year for keeping her updated on how we're doing with my videos," she told Ed as Marie continued scrolling through her messages. "She's pretty happy that my WeTube account went back up after that fucking Dutch shit rat got it taken down for a week!" Marie slammed her phone into the couch, the soft surface being the only thing preventing it from violently shattering. "Besides, she's still sending us checks, but Lee keeps sending 'em back!"

"Is she still mad about the-" Ed stopped when he saw Marie giving him the stink eye. "Um, you know?"

"They're still pretty pissed at each other," Marie sighed as she sent her mom a text. "It's been over a year now and neither one wants to be the first to kiss and make-up. God, mom and Lee are just too damn the same for their own good!"

Ed looked down whimpering, sorrowfully reminiscing about the similar situation with his two best friends. Yet that slump Ed found himself in didn't last for very long once his girlfriend jovially called out, "Dinner's ready!" He shot up and bolted for the dinner table as soon as he heard the word "dinner," while Marie sluggishly dragged herself into the kitchen. Ed quickly sat down and reached for the gravy boat, but May slapped his hand and sternly told him, "Slow down pork chop, we wanna eat too!"

Marie joined the second-hand Thanksgiving feast and grabbed some steaming pizza rolls, pouring gravy all over them. "Yeah Ed, we don't need you drinking all the damn gravy like a maniac again!"

As Ed watched May pour gravy herself, he asked, "Can I stay the night again May?"

"Of course Ed, but can we take it easy tonight?" she asked with an exhausted smile. "I haven't been feeling too good today."

"It's 'cause yer eating too much!" Marie jeered as she poked her sister's belly, only to get yelled at and smacked hard enough to leave a mark.

Ed smiled and chugged down the remaining gallons of gravy in only three seconds. "That's okay May, we can just do hand and mouth stuff until you feel better!"

Marie rushed for the garbage can upchucked her Thanksgiving dinner into the trash. "For fuck's sake you pigs, I'm eating here!"

Ed looked at May in confusion and informed her, "I just meant hugs and kisses." May laughed at her boyfriend's sense of humor and began chowing down on a juicy Kanker burger, savoring not only it but the day itself. She knew that with age days like this would become far more scarce, so she made sure to enjoy every minute of it. After all, as long as May had her family and the love of her life at her side, she held no fear for what the future had in store for her.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 4:32 PM - Entry 6:** Jonny and I have been spending the past hour or so talking about Plank and what I've learned about him. I shared my findings with him and discussed a few other possible theories about Plank's sudden silence. Jonny seemed to only find my research adequate, since admittedly none of my hypotheses had any strong conclusions associated with them. After awhile, the conversation shifted from Plank to school, playing PC games, wondering if we should head to the store to get some snacks and other miscellaneous, trivial topics._

 _I'm starting a feel a bit lightheaded, so I'm thinking about laying down and — You know, the more I look at Jonny, the more I'd like to fuck him. Nothing serious mind you, I draw the line with his oversized cranium. I can overlook the fact one of Jonny's eye's is slightly bigger than the other, since personally I find asymmetry to be strangely enticing despite my OCD dispositions. But when your head's the size of a bowling ball in its third trimester..._

 **XxXxX**

Sarah groaned as she stiffly lied down on the dusty, purple couch of her living room. She had been staring at the drywall ceiling for hours, having counted every little spec of popcorn texture above her. Her stomach growled like a ravenous beast, and Sarah screamed into the couch pillows for every rumble she felt. If there was another thing Sarah could add to her list of stuff that pissed her off, it would be hunger. Hunger left a desire inside Sarah to have a void filled, and the painful emptiness within her could only be quenched with food or rage, and right now the latter was what Sarah chose to consume. She soon realized just how dark it was inside, with the sky covered in twilight outside no longer providing adequate lighting.

As Sarah got up to turn on the lamp, she heard a blaring honk from outside. Turning around Sarah saw a familiar hybrid car zooming to her house, swaying as it entered the cul-de-sac. Quickly she ran to her garage and pulled open the door as the hybrid screeched to a halt, yet still crashed into the wall, thankfully not going through it but still leaving a nasty scar. "What the fucking hell mom?" Sarah shrieked as her mother stepped out of the car, wobbling and nearly falling. Her frizzy strawberry blond hair flopped around everywhere, and the accident left her large glasses cracked. The scarf, flannel and faded jeans Sarah's mom wore were stained and a small whiff of her attire made her daughter gag.

"Damn your worthless father for never reinforcing this garage," Sarah's mom complained as she coughed up some vomit onto the concrete floor. She turned her attention towards Sarah who gazed at her mother as if she was one of Ed's monsters from his B-movie flicks. "Sarah, can you clean this mess up? I'd ask your retarded father or brother, but well I sure showed the patriarchy!"

"Mom, where the hell have you been all day?" Sarah adamantly questioned. She kept a good six feet away from her mother, who was in the middle of a laughing fit. "You said you were going out to get gravy this morning and it's five thirty now! I've been starving all day mom!"

"Look at you begging for gravy like that mistake," Sarah's mom continued cackling like a hyena as she walked into the house, pressing herself against the wall for balance. "Anyway, so I went to the store and met with a colleague of mine from the college. She invited me over to spend Thanksgiving with her family out on Tomato Hot Springs, and of course I'm going to say yes. Us white devils have hurt the Native Americans so much in their history, I thought the least I could do was buy them their food and spend the holiday with them on the reservation. You should have seen it when-"

"Why didn't you bring me along mom?" Sarah interrupted as she followed her mother inside, fuming with ire.

Sarah's mom made her way into the kitchen and grabbed herself a bottle of wine. "Well I thought about it, but I decided you would've embarrassed me with how privileged you are." She haphazardly poured the wine into a cup, overflowing it as Sarah began to pout. "You just wouldn't of understood anything, asked too many inappropriate questions and overall could've easily ruined my academic reputation."

"So you completely forgot about me today because you got a case of 'white guilt' again?" At this point Sarah was on the brink of throwing a temper tantrum, but knew it would be futile in the end. "For fuck's sake mom, I was left here all by myself starving! I tried calling you a bunch but you never even picked up! I was even thinking of calling the cops!"

Sarah's mom guzzled the wine faster than a frat boy could with a giant mug of beer. She smashed the glass on the black-and-white checkerboard floor, shards scattering everywhere as Sarah covered her eyes with instinctive reaction. "How could I have raised a daughter so helpless, so ignorant and so full of internalized misogyny?" She yanked out a TV dinner from the freezer and chucked it at Sarah, who nimbly dodged the ready-made meal as it struck the living room flat screen like an asteroid. "You could have just microwaved that or order fast food!"

At this point Sarah was tightly grasping her hair while her eyes twitched at seeing the irreparable carnage done the to LCD TV. "I'm fucking tired of eating that garbage all the time!" Sarah's atomic voice made the entire foundation of the house quake while her mother licked some wine spills off the counter, unfazed by her daughter's explosive vexation. "Ever since you kicked out Ed and dad and became a college professor, you've became so fucking awful! What the fuck happened to turn the mom who took care of me into such a goddamn socialist fucking cunt?"

That last remark however was enough for Sarah's mom to give her daughter the death glare. Slowly, Sarah's mom tread over to her daughter, who ended up cornering herself and crouching in terror. "You're your father's seed." She turned her back to her daughter, and Sarah let out a tiny whimper in relief. But Sarah's small window of optimism was hammered down fast as Sarah's mom slapped her across the face with the severity of an ominous blizzard. A single tear crawled down Sarah's face as her mother coldly told her, "Go to Ed's old room and don't come out until Monday morning."

Defeated, Sarah nervously walked down into the dungeon of her house that was Ed's old territory. The door to Ed's room had been replaced with a heavy-duty solid steel prison door thanks to her brother's destructive behavior in the past. She imprisoned herself, the door locking itself from the outside as Sarah gazed at just how much Ed's room had turned into a jail cell. The dark purple walls were barren, all of Ed's memorabilia leaving with him once he moved into Eddy's abode. What remained was Ed's abominable bed, repulsive gravy-crust ridden bathroom and a pile of sponges that burst out from the walls years ago. Sarah was pretty sure there was an abundant amount of mold too, but she was far too weakened to care anymore.

She couldn't even escape from the basement window, which had been barred-up around the same time Sarah's mom had the new door installed. Lying down in the sponge pile, which was probably the least disgusting section of Ed's former room, Sarah rubbed the mark where her mom smacked her. It wasn't even the physical pain that hurt Sarah, that sting disappeared seconds after the slap. But seeing what her life had become was what made Sarah's quivering face soaked in tears. Realizing how she had hardly any support, Sarah tried her hardest to lose herself in fantasy; she pictured herself in the past when life was much simpler. Back when her mom didn't neglect her, the Eds were inseparable, Kevin and Nazz being a thing and more. To Sarah the past shined liked a bright diamond while the future was the color of coal: dark, sickening and miserable.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 6:20 PM - Entry 7:** So like, I went to take a shit and stuff and suddenly I hear the most otherworldly voice ever. I saw Plank just chilling out in Jonny's bathroom with me and wow, it like felt I was in another dimension talking to him. Plank says like the funniest things man, like getting butt-hurt that I wrapped him in plastic for two weeks. No wonder Jonny's always laughing it up with a pal like that. Then he started to tell me what's up and why him and Jonny haven't been able to like, just talk you know? Too bad it was all a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that sounded like something out of Ed's dumb sci-fi movies. That stiff just trying to be a wise-ass, like he was just bringing me down with a bunch of whining about their "weakened connection," and that Jonny needs to "step up his game." Plank's one of those guy's only good in small doses ya know; then he really starts to piss you off with his wannabe Socrates shtick._

 _Once I flushed my crap, Plank kept bitching to make sure I told Jonny what he needed to do so they could like talk again. It sounded pretty hard so I just told that timber, "Whatever," and left him to muck around in the bathroom sink. Board also told me to put back on my pants, but those started to get tight so I let Plank keep them, same with my underwear too. Now that I think about it, Jonny's place is feeling too confining, like houses are just prisons we go to at the end of the day ya know? I think I'll just sneak out the back and have a rad time, hell yeah!_

 **XxXxX**

Dinner at Rolf's home was a regular serving of meat and more meat. Sausage, roast beef, stuffed chicken and ham were the main course and the entree. Nobody had spoken since Rolf's mother called everyone for supper, the Shepard family all quietly at the table eating the delicious meat she had prepared. All except for Rolf's father however, who revoltingly glared at his son, eying over the cuts and bruises he left on Rolf's face and shoulders. The hairy beast of a man was the top contender for the most intimidating person in the room, mainly due to his large frame packed with muscles and many scars covering his arms and face. Some of cicatrices were big and others small, but the most terrifying one was the deep gash that nearly cut open his stump of a nose and continued under his left eye. Each scar had a story to tell, but asking Rolf's father how he acquired any of them would leave you sitting for days hearing him go on and on about the lore of his marks.

Mr. Shepard picked up his flagon full of homemade mead and started sloppily drinking. Once more than half of the alcohol was gone, the gold coated vessel slammed onto the table, shaking the entire surface with everyone's plates nearly being launched into orbit. "Why no speak boy!" Despite living in America for years now, Rolf's father never got rid of the thick accent of his home country. "Nothing say?"

Rolf stopped eating and sheepishly turned away from his father, earning him a snarl of disgust from him. "Pater, we are having dinner!" Rolf's mother protested, her long gray hair bouncing as she shouted at him. Although smaller than her son and husband, she still had meat and muscle on her, giving Rolf's mom a healthy plus size, hourglass figure.

"Pater know Sefa, dinner only time Pater speak to Rolf!" Mr. Shepard continued to glare at his son with frustrated, strained eyes. "Rolf spend too much time at American school!"

"Pater, the people from the school explained that-"

"The boy shouldn't be school!" Pater hammered his fist through the table, the bits of wood raining onto the green-and-white checkerboard floor. "Pater never went pass year one!"

Sefa sighed, having heard her husband fulminating about Rolf going to school more than a million times already. "Yes dear, you did not need it."

"Pater work in fields like father before Pater!"

"Pater please, we understand that-"

Rolf's father banged his shiny flagon on the table again, nearly breaking apart the table at this point as he would not stop glowering at his son. "Pater never complain, never talk back, never waste time on American trash and never ever took from family larder!" However, Rolf's nana spoke up, telling her son off in their country's native language. Rolf's grandmother was a shorter, hairier version of Rolf's father, with a pale glass eye, wooden leg and had the body odor of a well-fermented yak, giving her quite the monstrous appearance. Rolf's father sighed after getting scolded and backed down. "Apologies mama, but grandson spoiled. How he supposed to carry Shepard name when Pater gone?"

Sefa groaned again and turned her attention to her son. "Rolf, do not worry so much," she reassured. "You will do well."

"Not well enough!" Pater blasted, getting up to punch the refrigerator, denting the door and breaking it off. "In old country, get eighty-eight days flogging for self-exile and daring show face again!"

"We are not in the old country anymore Pater!"

"Pater no dumb, Pater know Sefa!" Pater's veins were starting to bulge, his skin white-hot and heart racing with rage. "That problem!"

"Pater please calm down!" Sefa pleaded, getting up to console her husband. "You don't want to keel over like the night Rolf went out."

"Father keeled over?" Rolf asked with astonishment, finally having the nerve to speak at dinner. Rolf's nana informed her grandson what happened at home the night Rolf and Ed left for their two week alcoholic adventure.

Rolf's father smashed his right fist onto the table, nearly cracking it. "Not worried, upset woman!" Sweat started to drip all over his beefy neck as his skin now simmered with a blood red hue. "Pater still upset! Rolf almost adult, yet act like spoiled brat thinks do anything Rolf want! Rolf needs know responsibility! Rolf needs know respect! Rolf needs-" Rolf's father finally stopped yelling and started gasping for oxygen. He put his left hand over his chest and collapsed onto the floor with an earth-shattering thud.

"Pater!" Sefa held tightly for dear life onto her husband's left hand, putting an arm around him as he kept hyperventilating. Rolf's nana's good eye widened, only to close it and start praying in her native tongue. Rolf yanked on the skin of his checks, having not felt this terrified since the childhood incident with the wolf. But while Rolf could fight back against that savage beast, he was panicking with the fact he was utterly near-petrified with fear and helplessness in this situation. "Rolf, call emergency service!"

"Father!" Rolf screamed at the heavens.

 **XxXxX**

 _ **Eddward Marion Jones - 11/27/14 - 9:42 PM - Entry 8:** Okay, so, after reading my past two entries, I think I can conclude what occurred earlier today. I've come to the conclusion that I experienced a sort of contact high, which hasn't happened since I spent a night with Juan a couple years ago. Then again, I can also recall Juan saying how he never wanted to be around me again when I was under the influence. Looking over how degenerative my previous two notes were, I don't blame him considering the behavior I have during my altered state of mind. In order to preserve what self-dignity I have left, I'll have to make sure these findings remain in a secure location, never to be read by anyone else but myself._

 _It appears that after I was exposed to the substance Jonny's parents were using, I actually communicated with Plank. This is rather concerning, and what's more is that when I came to my senses, I found myself half-naked in the bushes by the front of my house. I'm not sure how or when I got there, although I faintly remember witnessing blaring sirens. I must have jumped into the bushes out of fear that I would be in trouble with the authorities, and I suppose I hid within the shrubs until I sobered up. After which, I went inside my home, took a shower, put on my pajamas for the evening, and started going over my notes. I sent Jonny a text message to ask what happened half an hour ago, and he has yet to respond. I looked outside and saw that all of the lights inside his house were off, so I'm wondering if the Woods' went to bed early or if they suddenly went out. I hope they didn't go searching for me when I was under the influence, although if that was the case I should have received a response from Jonny by now. Every other house in the cul-de-sac also has their lights off as well, which is rather peculiar at this time of night._

 _On another note, when I finally made it back to my room, I discovered that I missed the initial Stratpe call from Rikki and Juan. I did manage to talk to them a bit, and was relieved to see that Rikki's spirits have risen since her father passed away nearly two months ago. However, the conversation had to be cut short since Juan informed me that they were packing for a trip. When I asked where they were going, to my surprise Juan said that they were coming here to Peach Creek! This took me by surprise, considering how I didn't imagine seeing them in person again until at least summer, and even then I certainly didn't expect them to cross the border and come all the way down here! I asked if they needed a place to stay during their visit, and Rikki told me not to worry because they're bringing Juan's trailer. It's quite a ways to drive, but I'll definitely be glad to see them once more._

 _All in all, I'm happy how my Thanksgiving went today, although those sirens I imagined hearing earlier are still making me worried. I'm not sure why, but it felt incredibly forbidding._


	11. Open-Handed

**Co-Written by Neo H.B.B. Sam**

 **XxXxX**

 **Open-Handed**

 **XxXxX**

May sat in the unisex restroom at Big Jim's Bar and Grill, as it was the only restroom the restaurant had for customers and employees. She passed time by observing the wall next to her that was so heavily vandalized, that Big Jim gave up trying to clean it. There were the usual dick drawings, and a couple of phone numbers that may or may not have been fake. But scanning through the generic tags, there were a few pieces of graffiti that May took interest in.

"Restroom rating: 7 asses, will shit here again  
-N.G."

Below it was a drawing of ten butts, with seven of them colored in with blue ink, the other three left as outlines. May agreed with the bathroom's rating.

"I fucked my girlfriend here and we don't give a fuck!"  
Below that was the message: "No you didn't dad, you're just drunk."

May figured if anyone did had sex in the restroom, it wouldn't have been the most disgusting thing that happened here.

"Water dance with me!"

May had no idea what that phrase meant, but it probably wasn't important.

"Fishbowl 3 was the superior sequel!"  
"Dem's fightin words bitch!"

May personally thought the first Fishbowl was the best.

One of the newest additions of the restroom's graffiti was a rather impressive mural of a monstrous goat-like beast with horns, claws, hooves, and a massive bulge behind the loincloth it wore.  
And below that was the newly written message: "no mor of deez ed  
-May"

Other than the colorful graffiti, the only other message that caught May's eye was a notice on the restroom door.

 **"TO ALL EMPLOYEES:**  
I regret to inform my faithful customers and trusted employees that Big Jim's Bar and Grill is going up for sale. We've had a good run, a strong ten years of good food and service, but sadly it's time that my wife and I move on from this business. Now that we're old enough to retire, we'll be buying a horse ranch to spend the rest of our days. If anyone is worried about job security, you'll need to take it up with the new management. I wish you all good luck, and that you'll forgive me for leaving.  
 _-Big Jim"_

After reading that unfortunate notice, May was finished with her business and checked the white strip she was urinating on. Seeing the plus sign made her heart sink like a stone, passing out in the stalls from sheer shock.

 **XxXxX**

 **FullThrottleKev:** yo eddy when i was headin 2 teh gym fr basketball i saw u talkin 2 our football coach n sum guyz in suits

 **CEOCa$h:** u did?

 **FullThrottleKev:** saw sum handshackes wtf is goin on!?

 **CEOCa$h:** shit uummmmhh FBI?!1?

 **FullThrottleKev:** lol okay if yu were ur bro id believb tat

 **CEOCa$h:** yh ok dat waz stupid butt u relly wanna kow? ur not gonna like it

 **FullThrottleKev:** i thik i hav a gud idea nyway

 **CEOCa$h:** u know how u sayd dat none of teh scouts loooked at u? well thats bcuz they were lookin at me

 **FullThrottleKev:** r u fuckin searious!?1 wut abot tat shit u said aabot workin 4 ur dad

 **CEOCa$h:** teh shit wit my dad was BS kev sorri my folkz r all 4 me goin 2 collage n mah dad wats me 2 get a business degre ore sumthin so i can ackually be sumone unliek mah bro

 **CEOCa$h:** mah old mans gonna giv my bro teh chance 2 start a 2nd line uff used cars sense hes got nothin else goin 4 him n plus mahh dad jus wants him to GTFO off town

 **FullThrottleKev:** wow jus fuckin wow eddy fuckin unbelievbable wat shcool iz it evan 4 nyway?!1?

 **CEOCa$h:** you heer about aka univercity?

 **FullThrottleKev:** NOO0O FUCKIN WAY!111

 **CEOCa$h:** tey gav me an ahletic shcolar ship 2 play 4 teh Butchers butt i heerd sum animel rites peeps want teh name tooooo chang 4 sum pussy reson

 **FullThrottleKev:** hooly fuckin shit i cant believb this is happin rite now

 **CEOCa$h:** AKA univercity wantz me 2 show up 2 a camp in march n ten start practicin wit tem once i get outta PCH so i mite miss a bit of schol 4 spring but i got mos of mah creds nyway just need 2 mak sure mah GPA is abov 2.0

 **FullThrottleKev:** kewl kewl anythin else ur fuckin hiden from me!?

 **CEOCa$h:** i swear tats it man asid form pssin in ur sink wen i waz drunk at 1 of ur partahs butt i dun really remembor

 **FullThrottleKev:** k eddy brb gotta get phon

 **CEOCa$h:** kk i relly didnt want u upset i only told my parents and ed

 **CEOCa$h:** i mean shit kev weve ben ovor teh hole rivalry BS 4 liek yeers now i didnt want sum fucking foot ball brinin tat up agian

 **CEOCa$h:** hey kev u there? i think i heer my bro or ed teerin up mah livin rooom

 **FullThrottleKev:** OK bak checkin thro phon rite now

 **FullThrottleKev:** wait wtf iz thiz

 **CEOCa$h:** wats up kev?

 **FullThrottleKev:** YUR BRO SENT NAZZ FUCKIN DIK PICS!111! N U NEVAR TOLD ME!?

 **CEOCa$h:** oooo shit she told me not too n i wasnt gonnah get in teh midel off tat drama btween u 2

 **FullThrottleKev:** GODD FUCKIN DAM IT!1111! I NEW SHE HAD U WRAPED ROUND HER FUCKIN FIGER!111!11

 **CEOCa$h:** KEV IM SORRI I TOLD MAH BRO 2 FUCK OFF FROM TEXTIN HER!11!11

 **FullThrottleKev:** OK u kno wut im not mad at u eddy uearned teh scholarship n u kicked ass thiz year in football man if it werent 4 u wed nevar even make it 2 sections at least

 **CEOCa$h:** phew i know thaks kev

 **FullThrottleKev:** butt i still am relly fuckin mad

 **FullThrottleKev:** so mothrfuckin pissed off i gotta let loos

 **FullThrottleKev:** I THINK IM GONNA POUND TEH FUCKING LIFE OUTTA YOUR BROTHER!11!11!1

 **CEOCa$h:** ooooooo shit reelee u wanna do tat kev?

 **FullThrottleKev:** jus threw ur phon in ur backyard now go play hid n seek wit tat shit i got a sleeze to smash

 **CEOCa$h:** for fucks sake kev thiz aint a gud idea

 **FullThrottleKev is currently offline, they will receive your message the next time they log in.**

 **FullThrottleKev is now Offline.**

 **CEOCa$h:** wat u fucking dumass!11

 **CEOCa$h is now Away.**

 **XxXxX**

Snow gently fell and Eddy's brother harshly fell to the ground as he was being pulverized by Kevin. "You think sending dick pics is funny you fucking creep?" Kevin shouted as he kept brutally bashing Eddy's brother's head into the side of his whale trailer. The raging barrage of fists, kicks and grapples seemed like a never-ending onslaught as Eddy's brother didn't even put up a fight against this savage assault. Unlike Eddy who had a body of iron, Kevin found that his ex-rival's older brother was incredibly soft, which made him look all the more like tenderized meat as Kevin kept pounding him.

"Oh my God, this is fucking gold!" Marie exclaimed, giggling. She was recording the entire fight from inside her trailer, making sure her stolen Go-Pro camera was capturing every moment of this vicious brawl. This was the most exciting thing to happen at Park n' Flush this month so far, and Marie definitely wasn't going to miss out on filming the beat-down.

"Marie, get your ass in the kitchen; you gotta check this out!" Lee blasted so loud it caused the Go-Pro to wobble around Marie's chest.

"I see the fight outside Lee, I'm getting it all on tape!" Marie yelled back as she readjusted herself on the living room couch to get a better angle of the action.

"Not that, it's something a lot more important!" Lee bellowed even louder than before.

Marie sighed as she hopped off the couch, walking over to the kitchen as she remarked, "What the hell could be better than seeing Eddy's brother getting knocked-" Before Marie knew it, Lee suddenly slammed a piece of paper in her face, sending her crashing to the ground.

"When'cha plan on tellin' me 'bout this Marie?" Lee towered over her sister as Marie got up and stared at the paper, gulping. "Tell me what it says."

Marie shook, sweating nervously as she read the slip. "Dear Mrs. Kanker, I regret to inform you that your child Marie Kanker has been expelled from Peach Creek High after a disciplinary hearing before the district's Board of Education on Monday, November 24th, 2014. The decision reached for Marie Kanker to be expelled was for the breaking the school's code of conduct on multiple occasions. Reasons include: insubordination, unacceptable sexual behavior, theft, violating the dress code, bullying, trespassing, possession of alcohol and drug paraphernalia and misuse of technology. If Marie Kanker wishes to get her diploma this year she will need to transfer to a high school in a different district soon or otherwise at a later time enroll in a G.E.D. program. If you have any questions regarding making appeals for your child's expulsion, please do not hesitate to contact me for possible suggestions. Sincerely, Principal Underwood."

Lee cranked open the window and took in a heavy sigh. "Well, can't say I'm surprised." She pulled out a cigarette and began lighting it up. "I just wish you wouldn't 'ave kept it a secret for two weeks!"

"So what's the big deal then?" Marie questioned, growing frustrated at how much of a big deal her sister was making this out to be. "We used to skip school together all the time, hell half our time at junior high was us chilling in that boiler room! Shit Lee, you even dropped out last year!"

Lee exhaled a large amount of smoke, trying to keep her composure. "Yeah, cause I was dumb 'n had no choice," she told her sister, continuing to take hits from her cig. "If I didn't, there's no way we could afford to pay rent for this shit. Speakin' of rent, now that you're not in school no more, it's time you do your share 'round here. Me 'n May shouldn't have to cover bills while you do jackshit!"

"Hey, I make money with my WeTube videos, Lee!" Marie argued, pulling out her phone to show a recent video of hers that was in the six-digit figures for views.

Lee pushed aside Marie's phone as she finished off her cigarette. "Bullshit, now go plant your ass somewhere while I go find the classifieds!" Lee exclaimed, searching around the trash can. "Must've thrown away the news somewhere..."

"Did you even hear what I just said?" Marie was starting to get very aggravated by her sister being so insistent that she find a real job. "You know me Lee, I couldn't last a day in a shit hole like McNasty's, Big Jim's or Want*More! Most people piss me off, and I'm not gonna put on a fake-ass attitude just to get shouted at by retards all day for some minimum wage!"

"Yeah, well tough shit Marie, if me 'n May can do it, so can you!" Lee slammed the garbage-covered newspaper onto the kitchen table, with the classified's circled in red ink. "Found this in the break room at Want*More last night. Circled the jobs for myself, but I think you'll need 'em more than I do."

Marie hastily scanned through the list of job openings, sulking at how lackluster many of them were. "Who the fuck in their right mind would wanna do these jobs?" She ripped the newspaper into shreds, the torn newsprint raining all over the table. "I mean the stripper gig looked good, but no way in hell am I commuting to the city and back for it!"

Lee's face glowed red like hot lava, with steam coming out of her ears. "What part of doing your share 'round here don'tcha get Marie?" She reached for her pocket to grab another cigarette, only to find out her carton was now empty, adding to Lee's frustration. Surveying the trailer, Lee desperately inspected her home for a smoke, but to her dismay couldn't find any. "Damn, we're outta smokes! And for fuck's sake Marie, with mom gone all of us gotta pitch in to live here ya know. I'm starting to wonder if I should've let that twink Dutch stop ya from makin' your dumb videos!

"Shut the fuck up Lee, if it wasn't for you getting that abortion, mom would've never left!" Within a nanosecond of screaming that claim, Marie instantly knew she landed herself in deep shit. The smoky air suddenly grew very tense in short time, sending chills down Marie's spine.

"That's it, get out."

"Lee, I didn't-"

"Get the fuck out of here!" Lee roared with a thunderous boom so ear-splitting, it caused the entirety of Park 'n Flush to rumble. Marie was petrified, frozen with fear as Lee violently grabbed her by the arms and tossed her out of their trailer with the force of a cannon. The only thing preventing Marie from shattering on impact was the softness of the snow outside.

"What the hell's wrong with you Lee, I was gonna say-" Marie pleaded, only to have her clothes come flying at her, along with several other of her possessions.

"It don't matter, you're fuckin' dead to me you cunt!" Lee continued to chuck all of Marie's belongings outside of the trailer, while making sure her shotgun was nearby encase she needed to use it. "After everythin' I try doin' to keep this family together, you just had to tear it apart! I'm fuckin' done dealing with your shit you bitch, take your punk-ass somewhere else!"

"Fine, fuck you too ya baby killer!" Grabbing what she could, Marie took only the essentials while Lee kept shouting and pointing the shotgun at her. "I should've left with mom when I had the chance you fucking dyke!" Marie crammed what belongings she could into trash bags, tying them up as she made her way out of Park 'N Flush, giving Lee the finger on her way out. She abandoned everything else there, not turning to glance even once at the hell behind her. Having been forsaken from her home, Marie didn't look back once, not wanting anyone to see her face as Marie tried her hardest not to cry.

 **XxXxX**

Nazz and Jonny observed the school's bulletin board, scanning it intently for information. Jonny pressed his rough hands against the cork-board, nearly tearing off announcements with his forceful touch. With his obstructive head blocking the board, Nazz had to push him aside to read the latest news at Peach Creek High. "Dude, some of us are like, trying to look here," Nazz jeered as she began to read the flashy messages tacked into the soft cork.

 **"Go-Pro Still Missing!**

The Go-Pro cam recorder from the A/V club's film editing room that went missing in October is still missing. Any students with information about the camera's whereabouts, along with the equipment being unharmed, will now receive a thirty dollar reward. Please contact Mr. Cathro for more details."

 **"Winter Holiday Break!**

For all staff and students: the Mid-Winter break for Peach Creek High School will start on December 20th and end January 4th. We wish you all happy holidays.

 _-Principal Underwood and staff."_

 **"Scholarship Award Ceremony: Next February!**

To all outstanding juniors and seniors of Peach Creek High School, your time to shine is near! Any recipients who have earned scholarships in either academics, extracurricular activities or by other means this year: Your accomplishments will be presented to the entire student body and facility! All are welcome to attend, and all students who earned a scholarship are expected to show up in order to receive their scholarships from their respective benefactors!

 _-Principal Underwood_ "

 **"First Varsity Men's Basketball Home Game: Cobblers vs Marauders!**

The first home game of the 2014-2015 Men's Basketball varsity season will be hosted at Peach Creek High's gymnasium at 7:00 PM on Friday, December 12th, 2014! Don't miss out as the Peach Creek Cobblers duke it out against the Orange River City Marauders! Tickets are five dollars, and season passes are still being sold inside the activities office. Go Cobblers!"

Inside this athletic announcement was also a picture of the two captain's for Peack Creek's basketball team: Kevin Anderson and Jonny Woods. Jonny poked at Nazz to notice, but she scoffed and quickly moved onto reading the next post-it on the bulletin board.

 **"Mr. Christensen is Leaving Peach Creek High**

 _Dear Students, Parents and Faculty,_

 _It is with deep regret and sorrow that I am resigning from teaching English at Peach Creek High. Due to undisclosed circumstances, it is time that I move on from my post after teaching for here at this wonderful school for twenty-five years. It is incredibly disheartening and shocking, yet it is time that I retire from teaching completely. A long-term substitute teacher shall be taking my place until a permanent teacher is found. This also means I will not be able to lead Traditional Gaming and Knowledge Bowl anymore, with compassionate volunteers taking my place running these clubs instead._

 _Every single one of you has touched my heart throughout the years. I've seen many colleagues come and go, and I've even taught the children of former students. This only makes it even more unfortunate that I will not be available for contact, and as of this letter I can no longer be reached by my home address, email or phone number. But alas, although I must go, I never want to see the passion and drive inside any of you fizzle out. To all my students, I encourage you to never give up no matter how unfair life gets; and to my colleagues, I can only wish for your time as teachers to go by smoothly with little hassle, and that despite the difficulties of this career it's still worth every moment._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Mr. Keenan Christensen"_

 **XxXxX**

 **Eddward Jones** added a new photo!

It's wonderful to have my good friends Juan and Rikki visiting Peach Creek! If it wasn't for them my time in Canada would have been rather lonely and dull, but thanks to Juan and Rikki I was able to grow so much as a person. I'll never forget how I first met them by the Highland Tower during my first summer in Thompson, Manitoba. Who would have guessed that asking for directions to the gas station would have blossomed into such a strong, beautiful friendship?

Double-D had his arms over the shoulders of Juan and Rikki as the three stood in front of Juan's trailer in Park 'n Flush, each holding a tinted glass cup with a drink inside. Juan was quite literally tall, dark and handsome, sporting uneven slicked-back black hair and an impressive goatee-mustache combo, along with plenty of muscle as well. Rikki was curvy, with freckles, fair skin and brunette curly hair with a lot of spunk to go with it. The three clearly looked happy to be reunited, and the joy they emitted shined brighter than the glaring white blanket of snow on the ground.

 **Ed Trumbull, Nazz Winters** and **13 others** like this.

 **Ed Trumbull** ooooh kan i vist dubel de plz i allweighs want ed 2 meat deez wierd canaiadan cuhms uf urs

 **Kevin Anderson** woah yeah dude i wana meet up wit rithese guyz 2

 **Eddward Jones** I would definitely enjoy introducing you to Juan and Rikki in-person Ed, and you too Kevin; although I'll be honest and admit I'm a tad bit surprised at your sudden interest. Of course I'll have to ask to see if it's okay with them first for you two to come over.

 **Juan Trevino** You guys are friends of Eddward's so that makes you buddehs of mine eh. You two don't look like a couple of slacks, so youre welcom to visit by later todayeh!

 **Rikki Wells** fuk yeh cume over shits gonna rock boys ;^)

 **Kevin Anderson** awesome commin over in a bit jus gotta wash up

 **Ed Trumbull** i mite fiind out y may hasnt tlaked 2 me latlee!11!1

 **Juan Trevino** Oh my that sounds rather personal friend. Whatever that is I hope it goes swell guy

 **XxXxX**

 _"Dearest Diary,_

 _'Tis nearly the holiday season; the season where we buy useless trinkets and offer them to each other in absence of actual love or care for each other. A season I used to welcome with a warm smile and open arms, but now I bear an uncaring, stiff upper lip. Yet, I don't feel sorrow or regret, in fact, I don't really feel anything anymore. To be honest, I haven't tried to feel anything for a long while. Not since I became fully aware of what I am, and started desperately to hide it._

 _I never told Sarah about it, and she's my closest friend and confidant. Sure, she has her suspicions about me, but I've never fully come out to confirm it to her or anyone really. But now that bald-headed freak probably knows, along with anyone else he's told. It makes me sick. Sometimes want to kill him just to make sure he doesn't say a fucking thing, and I regret not doing so when I had the chance. I could get away with it too, I'd just put the blame on someone else like I've always done. I don't think my hands are unclean enough to go through with doing that though._

 _I'm just a sick person, and that's all I'm going to ever be. That's what they say about people like me, right? That we're sick, that we don't fit with society as a whole, that we shouldn't exist and a bunch of other hate directed towards us. In their eyes we are abominations that should be put to death. Well, if I'm to die for who I am, I won't do so without causing enough damage so they remember my name._

 _Well, enough of that, time for what I'm really upset about: my family overstaying their welcome. As if Thanksgiving wasn't enough for them, these right- winged aristocrats have more or less taken over the fucking house. Admittedly it's just that gargantuan ape masquerading as human filth Garth, along with his wife and kids, but just those four are too much of my relatives to deal with. Those brutes even tried to take up residence in my room, but a little bit of my fencing rapier was enough to give them the message to kindly fuck off and sleep somewhere else. Something that bothers me is that Garth's actually shown some entrepreneurial interest in this sapling of a town, thinking that he can extend it with carefully bought businesses. I'd like to think that if there was any real potential in this backwater backwoods hick town, my parents would've already capitalized on it. I wish Garth was just wasting his time and money here, but unfortunately the missing-link actually does know a thing or two about business. Whatever that neanderthal tries to make money off of, I hope it fucking flops so hard and that it burns every aspiration Garth has to ashes._

 _God, it felt good to get that off my chest._

 _Nothing else is really bothering me aside from Sarah constantly asking if she could stay over, and with a heavy heart I've turned her away. My house is just too full right now, and there really isn't any room for her to reside unless she stays in my room, and there's just so much wrong that can happen with that. There have been more marks on her from what I've seen too, possibly from her whore of a mother. I should really do something to help her, but with all the bullshit I have to deal with now, and the fact that Felix and Fritz aren't available to help at the moment, there isn't much I can do. Perhaps I can get some assistance in rescuing Sarah from that hell house, although I know that one of my debtors is currently hospitalized after being savagely assaulted. With him needing to recuperate, along with having other things in mind I plan on having him take of, I'll have to find others to save Sarah._

 _Finally, I feel I should speak of Rolf. From what I've heard, his father is not going to make it so I've sent my condolences. Even though we've fell out of contact after I quit the Urban Rangers, I've still considered Rolf a good friend who looked out for me when he could. I can still fondly recall of the time Rolf helped be exact revenge against Eddy by conning him out of all his possessions in return for a "money tree." I think we held onto that giant rat's shit for a week until we finally returned it, for a hefty fee of course. Sure Rolf hasn't defended me as much as Sarah did, but then again Sarah went out of her way to be my protector when we were naught but prepubescent children. Maybe she just wanted an excuse to punch people, but that doesn't really matter anymore._

 _Honestly, nothing really matters to me these days in this shit excuse of a world. Until next time,_

 _James Edward Clair."_

 **XxXxX**

 **[From: Dad]**

[So uh son me and Sue wnet to the hospital today..]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:52 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[OH SHIT WAT TEH FUCK HAPPEND DAD!?1!?1?]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:53 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[No sweat son nothin bad happened so no need too worry now]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:56 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[alrite than y did u get me so worked up dad!?]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 2:58 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Well i gotta be blunt and honest here Kevin: turns out i got Sue pregent a couple months ago. Didnt really know how to tell this in person witout it gettin awkward quick so yeah..]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 3:03 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Yo Kev didcha get outta basketball practice yet?]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 6:17 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Doin anythin with your buds? Are yu hanging out with that canadian chick again son?]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 6:51 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Look Kev if u dont text bac soon Sues gonna send out one of them missin person thins n trust me son u do not want there to be a manhunt out after ya]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:46 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[Sorry dad jus had 2 clear my head so i drov over 2 LB soo i cood chil out]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:50 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Shit Kev if anyone needs to chill its the guy whos gonna have a kid when hes ffreakin 42!11! My next kid wont be an adult til me and Sue are collectin flippin social security checks!11!1 There goes buying that houseboat!1]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:54 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[wat is sue gonna keep it!?]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:56 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[You know shes a big Christain son she'd kick my ass if i told her to abort it. Anyway when ar you planning on coming home Kev?!]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:58 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[give me n hour dad i gotta get sum food]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 8:59 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Alright sounds good champ just pick up liek 50 hot wings for your old man and make them a good mix of sweet chili and ghost pepper! Don't worry Kev I'll pay you back this time i swaer.]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:02 PM]****

 **[From: Kevin]**

[i waz gonna go 2 taco buzz but fien ill get shit from bison wild wings agian]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:04 PM]****

 **[From: Dad]**

[Hold up grab some of their gralic wings to i think Sues startin too get those cravins]

 ** **[Message Sent: December 15th, 9:07 PM]****

 ** **XxXxX****

Rolf left the hospital room, quickly trying to get away from the sounds of his mother crying and his nana singing an Old Country eulogy in honor of her son. Rolf had to tightly hold his breath, squeezing his face together from releasing the breaking dam that was his eyes. Scouring around the facility, Rolf looked for a place to get some privacy. He found solace in an unoccupied restroom, locking the door behind him as he went in and parked his rear onto the lone toilet.

Rolf buried his face deep into his hands and let the dam burst. He wept to himself softly, grabbing nearby toilet paper to blow his nose and dry his tears. The crying didn't last too long, but the feelings of dread and sorrow were here to stay. Rolf sniffled and hung his head, trying to make sense of his father's passing and why he refused the "American care" the hospital offered. Their family had the insurance for it, yet Rolf's father still refused, upsetting both Rolf and his mother. There was no sense in it, just stubbornness and insistence on following traditional treatment.

Rolf shoved his hands into his trouser pockets, looking for his tobacco pipe and matches. Then Rolf realized he left those at home since the hospital prohibited the use of tobacco inside the building, something that made his grandmother angry the first time they were there. Instead of his pipe, Rolf found a sealed envelope that his father gave him a few days ago, telling him not to open it unless the unthinkable happened. Rolf scanned the ancient and dust-covered stationery, truly a relic from the Old Country. He figured now was a good time as any to open it, so he took out his pocket knife and broke open the red wax seal. Inside the envelope was a folded piece of papyrus paper, a letter addressed to Rolf written in his native language. He took a deep breath and began to read:

 _"Rolf,_

 _If you're reading this now, it means I am gone. You may be sad, but you better not be crying! I don't blame you for having sorrow, losing a loved one hurts and that's pain I've felt all too much in my life. But you know what? You need to know that soon you're going to have to stop shedding tears and move on. You'll be fine because you're my son and uh... Fuck it, your father is not good at this. Anyways, this is to be my last will and testament, and as per tradition that my father and my father's fathers followed, you get everything I have. This includes both our family assets and debts that you'll need to be in charge of handling. I know you will be able to handle the responsibility, you are my son and you are a son of a Shepard._

 _You may make mistakes, and you may have regrets, I know I've made quite a few. Most of all, I regret that I focused most of your upbringing to prepare you for the harshness of this world. While I do believe that it was for the best, I feel guilty that I didn't find a way to make life any easier for you. I don't understand this new world like you and your mother do. I still wish we were back in the Old Country and that I hadn't made things so bad that we had to leave, and I am sorry I subconsciously took my rage out on you. I suppose it's too late for wishes, but I have just one for you Rolf: Please take good care of Sefa and your nana for me. They'll need your support, both emotionally and financially. I feel you'll do so anyway, but please honor your father's last selfish request._

(The next page was mostly written in English, as most of it was a legal document.)

 _Let the record show that I,_ _ **Pater Shepard**_ _, of_ _(illegible)_ _being of sound and disposing mind, do hereby make, publish and declare my only son_ _ **Rolf Shepard**_ _, born on_ _ **March 13th, 1995**_ _the sole heir of my estate._

 _I appoint my son as personal representative of my will. If unable or unwilling to act, or to continue to act, as executor of my will, then my estate shall_ _ **be forfeited to our rival clan, the Wolfe clan as per tradition.**_

 _I direct that my executor pay all of my funeral expenses, all state and federal estate, inheritance and succession taxes, administration costs and all of my debts subject to statute of limitations, except mortgage notes secured by real estate, as soon as practical._

(The final page went back to their native language)

 _In closing, I only really have a few last things to say. One or two of those American feel-good goatshit sayings the American people say to make themselves feel less worse. How do you say it . . . I believe in you Rolf. Be good."_

Rolf looked over his father's last will and testament a few times over, clenching it against his chest. He wasn't really sure what to think at this point as Rolf and his father already discussed Rolf inheriting everything before. Reading the kind words his harsh father had written just seemed so surreal. Still, it didn't stop the tears from flowing, as the salty droplets kept secreting on Rolf's trembling face.


End file.
